Hi everyone, I was diagnosed with depression a month ago and am new here to try things out.
My mom was diagnosed with breast cancer a year ago, and around that time my dad fell into a deep depression. These events, along with many other occurrences that were less than fortunate, have caused a chemical reaction in my body and I fell into a depression. My mom is doing exceptional and has had 3 clear check ups with her doc, but despite this my body/brain is still pretty well messed up. My psychiatrist explained that since i'm a bit younger, my depression has manifested with irritability and sleeplessness. I have been on meds now for about 2 weeks and am doing exceptional. I think i'm really starting to get a handle on my life and living with depression. That's not the struggle for me right now. The struggle is how to tell my boyfriend of 3 months.
We started dating in April and before we started dating he asked me if I would consider myself depressed, because his last 2 girlfriends WERE depressed and they gave him a lot of trouble. Now at the time, I wasn't in counseling, I was not depressed. But he was gone on vacation when I started the whole counseling process and has only been here for 2 weeks tops. I felt hiding it was the best option for our relationship before I told my counselor about it all and she said that a relationship can not thrive on lies and deceit. I know i have to tell him, but I'm afraid 1. he's gonna be mad I hid it from him 2. the possibiltiy of him thinking I lied to him about it before we started dating and 3. that he won't want to be with my anymore because i'll be too much trouble. He's always saying how I'm the happiest girl he's ever been with (which is true) but I just don't know how to explain to him that it's not that i'm not happy, it's that my brain isn't functioning correctly because of past events. This is all so rough on me. My boyfriend gets back from his last vacation on Sunday so I have a little bit of time to prepare what i'm gonna say and prepare myself for what might happen. I go and see my counseler tomorrow for an appointment so I'll talk to her about it then as well, but I'm losing sleep over it now and I know this is half a novel long but if anyone is out there that can give me advice/support it is greatly needed.
Much love.
New to all of this and need help and support..
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Ahorse
Hi Aug,
Sorry you're in such a situation. It's a dreadful illness and the sooner you recover the better, obviously.
I do find a lot of contradiction in what you have written though. If I may point these out perhaps you can consider what you were trying to say. I'll add comments to some of these.
You say your Mom's cancer, Dad's depression and many other less than fortunate events caused a chemical change in your body and you fell into a depression.
This is not how depression works at all. It comes from extended periods of negative thinking which leads to a change in the chemical balance in your brain, not your body. The less than fortunate events are part of the build up to depression as each event would cause you to ponder on it for a while or a long time.
As each negative event is added it builds into a place where your thinking becomes mostly negative, thus you become depressed. Your Mum and Dad;s illnesses are major negative effects on you and that may have just tipped the balance into a real depression.
The psychiatrist described to you but two of the many symptoms of depression. Obviosly the ones you raised with him. But there will be a lot more than that if you think about it and look up the symptoms online.
The sleep problem is a biggie though. Not getting regualr deep sleep will destroy our sleep pattern and affect most of our life badly. And it gets worse the longer it persists. My sleep pattern now if asked is "What sleep pattern? I sleep when I can but need meds to do so. I might get 2 hours or 5 but nothing like it once was."
You say you've been on meds for 2 weeks and you are doing ghreat. That is good to hear but my oiwn experience says that cannot be so. Meds sometimes take longer than that to start working. We often get a placebo effect from meds early on which feels like we are Ok and if that sticks then, great. I'm just saying 2 weeks on meds would indicate to me you either weren't really depressed or you are experiencing relief due to the placebo effect.
The way you dismiss depression as being a problem instead saying your boyfriend's lack of knowledge of your illness is the biggest issue tells me the depression isn't there really else you couldn't dismiss it as you have.
If your boyfriend is that shallow then you won't last anyway. If he can't deal with people with depression, even those doing well, then he's not worth your time.
If you are doing as fine as you say, what is there to tell him anyway? You say you're not deopressed after 2 weeks on meds so what is there to tell? It's not deceit to not tell him.
Next you say you aqre not happy due to all the past events. This clashes with all the things you say about "doing exceptional". Are you or aren't you? Be honest with yourself at least. And your docs.
Now yu mention you have a counsellor. Given that you have a shrink as well it's my guess you have been suffering depression for quite a long time, and not just since after your boyfriend went away. Shrinks and therapists are not that easy to find quickly and meds don't work that quickly, normally, either.
None of what I've written is a criticism of anything or you or your illness.
I've just listed waht are seemingly blatant contradictions so you can think about those things and decide which statements best describe your situation. If you talk with your medical support in this way they won't know what's fact and what isn't.
The shrink though is confident you have depression else he wouldn't prescribe.
As far as your therapist goes, please don't take instruction from him/her. If they say you must tell him that is just their opinion and they don't know what it might cause or how it will affect you. Their job is to help you explore you, never to tell you what to do. When they tell you do this, do that, they have lost their professional distance that is essential for good therapy. You seethey have made a judgement, not offered advice.
A lot to think through.
Sorry you're in such a situation. It's a dreadful illness and the sooner you recover the better, obviously.
I do find a lot of contradiction in what you have written though. If I may point these out perhaps you can consider what you were trying to say. I'll add comments to some of these.
You say your Mom's cancer, Dad's depression and many other less than fortunate events caused a chemical change in your body and you fell into a depression.
This is not how depression works at all. It comes from extended periods of negative thinking which leads to a change in the chemical balance in your brain, not your body. The less than fortunate events are part of the build up to depression as each event would cause you to ponder on it for a while or a long time.
As each negative event is added it builds into a place where your thinking becomes mostly negative, thus you become depressed. Your Mum and Dad;s illnesses are major negative effects on you and that may have just tipped the balance into a real depression.
The psychiatrist described to you but two of the many symptoms of depression. Obviosly the ones you raised with him. But there will be a lot more than that if you think about it and look up the symptoms online.
The sleep problem is a biggie though. Not getting regualr deep sleep will destroy our sleep pattern and affect most of our life badly. And it gets worse the longer it persists. My sleep pattern now if asked is "What sleep pattern? I sleep when I can but need meds to do so. I might get 2 hours or 5 but nothing like it once was."
You say you've been on meds for 2 weeks and you are doing ghreat. That is good to hear but my oiwn experience says that cannot be so. Meds sometimes take longer than that to start working. We often get a placebo effect from meds early on which feels like we are Ok and if that sticks then, great. I'm just saying 2 weeks on meds would indicate to me you either weren't really depressed or you are experiencing relief due to the placebo effect.
The way you dismiss depression as being a problem instead saying your boyfriend's lack of knowledge of your illness is the biggest issue tells me the depression isn't there really else you couldn't dismiss it as you have.
If your boyfriend is that shallow then you won't last anyway. If he can't deal with people with depression, even those doing well, then he's not worth your time.
If you are doing as fine as you say, what is there to tell him anyway? You say you're not deopressed after 2 weeks on meds so what is there to tell? It's not deceit to not tell him.
Next you say you aqre not happy due to all the past events. This clashes with all the things you say about "doing exceptional". Are you or aren't you? Be honest with yourself at least. And your docs.
Now yu mention you have a counsellor. Given that you have a shrink as well it's my guess you have been suffering depression for quite a long time, and not just since after your boyfriend went away. Shrinks and therapists are not that easy to find quickly and meds don't work that quickly, normally, either.
None of what I've written is a criticism of anything or you or your illness.
I've just listed waht are seemingly blatant contradictions so you can think about those things and decide which statements best describe your situation. If you talk with your medical support in this way they won't know what's fact and what isn't.
The shrink though is confident you have depression else he wouldn't prescribe.
As far as your therapist goes, please don't take instruction from him/her. If they say you must tell him that is just their opinion and they don't know what it might cause or how it will affect you. Their job is to help you explore you, never to tell you what to do. When they tell you do this, do that, they have lost their professional distance that is essential for good therapy. You seethey have made a judgement, not offered advice.
A lot to think through.
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