Well.... It's been a little odd lately.... I had found this guy a few months ago or rather he had found me.... We love each other very much.... Personality-wise he is wonderful. It's just that with him, I'm pretty much on my own.
He is taxing on the few resources available to me.... No, I don't support him, but I have a survival kit between the car & my purse. I have just about everything--soap, dish liquid, towels, clothes, paper towel, toilet paper, water, hot pot, tea, sweetener, bug spray + repellent, extra shoes, etc. This is because he does not usually have these things in the spot where he lives. Or if he has, he will have run out of it when it's needed the most.
TLC had sung about it back in the '90s "No Scrubs". He's handsome, kind, & loving.
It is tragic.... There are things he wants to do, but I don't see how it will get done. We broke up the other day, patched things up & then again this morning, but this time I think it is final. I felt very stable about my request. Of course, it's been very emotional.
My Dad said it & I feel the same way: One person can't be doing 3/4 for the relation to work & the other doing only 1/4....
_____________________________________________________
Then, there is a man who would like to date me..... It's a little frightening how intense/passionate he is. He is pretty much the opposite of the guy I mentioned in the situation above the line. He is not rich but has more of a steady job, his own place, & his vehicles. There is also no shortage of "I love you's".
The only major concern I have is that from everything I understand, he is from another country & may want me for "papers", after which he may leave.... I don't know....
He seems crazy about me, though. However, I am not one to rush....
Notes/Letters
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Warmsoul/Jeanie13
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crystalgaze
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Obsessions?
No no Warmie.... That's not me. I don't want someone who wants me for papers!! I don't wish to be caught up in something like that....
____________________________________
Something that has been really eye-opening of late is what seems to be (maybe) men's obsession with me. I really don't understand it. I figure there is something that I am not seeing....
By "obsession", I mean the men come off super passionate or intense about their "love" for me, which makes me go "???" or "Huh, really??"
Along with the obsession, there has also been this thing about the men wanting to impregnate me & I'm like, "What??" I don't know if there is some baby race happening that I don't know about or maybe the men feel their biological clocks ticking, as the ones who have mentioned their desires to me are older than me by about 10 years.
I don't feel my clock ticking.
I think that there are good points about me & maybe I am good-looking just a little. However, I don't get why men are hyping me up like how they are doing. Perhaps it just flattery to get what they want; I don't know....
What makes these situations puzzling is that I don't really feel much for the men involved. I have not found that person or maybe it's that I have not opened up myself to that person. The men I encountered were good men, but I just don't have the same or strong similar feelings.
I guess I still find myself feeling somewhat dead on the inside or cold/hard/frigid. I show love, but I am not necessarily in love to the point where I become one with someone else in a union. Some of them feel I don't show enough love or that my love is too slow as well....
It is what it is....
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crystalgaze
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OH MY WORD!
Today, I got a good shock. I asked a question & got way, way, WAY more than I bargained for, which is why I usually DON'T ASK. It's not that I don't want to know, but most times, I am not prepared for the answer I get.
Anyway, I had a premonition about a man who has come into my life recently. It turns out my feeling was TRUE.
Here goes.... One day, I saw him & he had this look.... & I thought to myself, "He could be a killer & I just don't know it." The next day, I asked him about something & he told me that "it had been self-defense."
The 1 thing I just noticed that prompted me to post about this is that the last 3 men in my life has had some violent thing in their lives. All 3 of them have shot someone with a gun at some point in their teens.... They are in their 30s and 40s now & seem to have mellowed.
It's just.... Did they really change? Maybe 2 out of 3 appear to have cooled out some, but it must still be there.
Man, it has been SCARY being a woman lately. I now understand why the most recent man said what he said to me. (He had said that he didn't want anyone to come bother him over me. Thank GOD I have been saying what I have been saying recently, which is "I don't want to be between 2 men.")
Then I seriously wonder, "WHY ME?!" Why do they come to me? What is it about me that these men gravitate to me? Maybe I look extremely gullible?
Today, I got a good shock. I asked a question & got way, way, WAY more than I bargained for, which is why I usually DON'T ASK. It's not that I don't want to know, but most times, I am not prepared for the answer I get.
Anyway, I had a premonition about a man who has come into my life recently. It turns out my feeling was TRUE.
Here goes.... One day, I saw him & he had this look.... & I thought to myself, "He could be a killer & I just don't know it." The next day, I asked him about something & he told me that "it had been self-defense."
The 1 thing I just noticed that prompted me to post about this is that the last 3 men in my life has had some violent thing in their lives. All 3 of them have shot someone with a gun at some point in their teens.... They are in their 30s and 40s now & seem to have mellowed.
It's just.... Did they really change? Maybe 2 out of 3 appear to have cooled out some, but it must still be there.
Man, it has been SCARY being a woman lately. I now understand why the most recent man said what he said to me. (He had said that he didn't want anyone to come bother him over me. Thank GOD I have been saying what I have been saying recently, which is "I don't want to be between 2 men.")
Then I seriously wonder, "WHY ME?!" Why do they come to me? What is it about me that these men gravitate to me? Maybe I look extremely gullible?
((((((((((((( crystal ))))))))))))))))
*huggles and buggles*
Babe, I think you are not 'cold' or 'dead' inside. It's just that you haven't found the right person to love and someone who loves you as what you are. I think someday you will find that special one, I have faith in it
. Gambate!!!!!
dandelion
*huggles and buggles*
Babe, I think you are not 'cold' or 'dead' inside. It's just that you haven't found the right person to love and someone who loves you as what you are. I think someday you will find that special one, I have faith in it
. Gambate!!!!!
dandelion
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crystalgaze
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- Location: USA
Okay..... A man I know has asked me to marry him.... 
Um.... I don't really have an answer yet. He even SPOKE TO MY DAD a little already....!!! I am calm because he hasn't cracked out a ring or anything like that, for which I'm grateful. Surely, I would not know how to cope.
I find this whole situation a little hilarious. Also, I am still trying to figure out in my head how that went down or what was said & how my Dad's face was.
He's like, "Don't bring bad news, you know? .... I'm going away on a trip to my hometown. After I get back, [how about] we get married?" & I'm just like, "HUH??" I actually feel I could be faithful to him; he does not hide from me or keep secrets like that (seems like a good man). Ever since he has stopped rushing me, I like him even better. He leads, so I don't have to do so, & that makes me happy.
Truly, I don't know what to think. Man, life is coming at me hard & quick!
Um.... I don't really have an answer yet. He even SPOKE TO MY DAD a little already....!!!
I am calm because he hasn't cracked out a ring or anything like that, for which I'm grateful. Surely, I would not know how to cope.
I find this whole situation a little hilarious. Also, I am still trying to figure out in my head how that went down or what was said & how my Dad's face was.
He's like, "Don't bring bad news, you know? .... I'm going away on a trip to my hometown. After I get back, [how about] we get married?" & I'm just like, "HUH??" I actually feel I could be faithful to him; he does not hide from me or keep secrets like that (seems like a good man). Ever since he has stopped rushing me, I like him even better. He leads, so I don't have to do so, & that makes me happy.
Truly, I don't know what to think. Man, life is coming at me hard & quick!
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crystalgaze
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- Location: USA
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crystalgaze
- Posts: 2511
- Joined: Sun Jun 28, 2009 10:11 pm
- Location: USA
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crystalgaze
- Posts: 2511
- Joined: Sun Jun 28, 2009 10:11 pm
- Location: USA
A while back, maybe a few weeks ago to a month, I told the man who asked me to marry him that I could not do so.
It was a good thing I said what I said. As I searched myself & looked at the situation, I came to the conclusion that [& I do not think I am wrong based on what he did]:
1) he never did want me for me, from the beginning to this point.
2) he believed I would get what my parents & grandparents worked so hard for & then he would benefit or even take it from me.
There are other things but those 2 suffice, I think. This particular event reminded me of a lesson I had learned a long time ago. I have to make sure I remember it.
Perhaps the most disturbing thing to me, at my current age, was that everything that happened was a setup. Yes, you heard me correctly; I was setup. I have managed to escape the worst of the worst, but there has already been enough damage.
When he saw that he couldn't get what he wanted, he changed & became distant. However before all of that, his true colors began to show & it was very ugly.
So many people I encountered said about how he was such a good man; they all lied.
It was a good thing I said what I said. As I searched myself & looked at the situation, I came to the conclusion that [& I do not think I am wrong based on what he did]:
1) he never did want me for me, from the beginning to this point.
2) he believed I would get what my parents & grandparents worked so hard for & then he would benefit or even take it from me.
There are other things but those 2 suffice, I think. This particular event reminded me of a lesson I had learned a long time ago. I have to make sure I remember it.
Perhaps the most disturbing thing to me, at my current age, was that everything that happened was a setup. Yes, you heard me correctly; I was setup. I have managed to escape the worst of the worst, but there has already been enough damage.
When he saw that he couldn't get what he wanted, he changed & became distant. However before all of that, his true colors began to show & it was very ugly.
So many people I encountered said about how he was such a good man; they all lied.
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crystalgaze
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- Location: USA
From the last post, things seem to be patching themselves over a bit. However, I'm not falling for it.
Revenge has been sweet & a great big chuckle so far. Just so you know, revenge = working his nerves (no bad, deadly stuff as I'm not going to jail over stupidity). What's working his nerves? Well, I'm not paying him much mind with whatever he brings. I see him, only when I want to see him. (He likes work so much that I allow his work to keep him warm at night & satisfied in the day.) The antics have been interesting to watch. Of course, he is a trickster by nature.
He has come by several times, but he has not seen me. He's spoken with my Dad. He's even been across the street, sometimes talking to the neighbor, but he has not seen me. (Usually, he comes unannounced, which is not my cup of tea all the time.)
A few days ago, he even planned for us to go out to a game. He didn't ask me any questions beforehand & had already bought my ticket. (I'm not even sure how he knew if I wanted to even go.) Unfortunately, I had other plans with my family that had been scheduled from the previous week.
The latest thing he does (& I don't pay him any mind with that either) is to stay in my neighborhood but by some people he seems to know on a back street just up from my house, probably to spy on me. He thinks I don't know about it.
Perhaps I've saved the best for last: I have not shown him any anger about anything that has happened. He does not know how he has himself. I'm not holding any anger toward him, though (since it's bad for my heart anyway).
It's such a shame. Out of anybody who I've been around, the current one is the only one who would really call me or anything. Oh well....
Revenge has been sweet & a great big chuckle so far. Just so you know, revenge = working his nerves (no bad, deadly stuff as I'm not going to jail over stupidity). What's working his nerves? Well, I'm not paying him much mind with whatever he brings. I see him, only when I want to see him. (He likes work so much that I allow his work to keep him warm at night & satisfied in the day.) The antics have been interesting to watch. Of course, he is a trickster by nature.
He has come by several times, but he has not seen me. He's spoken with my Dad. He's even been across the street, sometimes talking to the neighbor, but he has not seen me. (Usually, he comes unannounced, which is not my cup of tea all the time.)
A few days ago, he even planned for us to go out to a game. He didn't ask me any questions beforehand & had already bought my ticket. (I'm not even sure how he knew if I wanted to even go.) Unfortunately, I had other plans with my family that had been scheduled from the previous week.
The latest thing he does (& I don't pay him any mind with that either) is to stay in my neighborhood but by some people he seems to know on a back street just up from my house, probably to spy on me. He thinks I don't know about it.
Perhaps I've saved the best for last: I have not shown him any anger about anything that has happened. He does not know how he has himself. I'm not holding any anger toward him, though (since it's bad for my heart anyway).
It's such a shame. Out of anybody who I've been around, the current one is the only one who would really call me or anything. Oh well....
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crystalgaze
- Posts: 2511
- Joined: Sun Jun 28, 2009 10:11 pm
- Location: USA
I am finally proud to announce that I believe I have gotten through a semi- life crisis.
There was 1 thing I could never understand about myself & it was why I couldn't sit still in the past few years (also lately).
With dating, I was unable to stay with just 1 person at a time because (& I wasn't fully aware of it then) I wasn't impressed. What I mean is: I felt that if I saddled myself down with that current person, I would be missing out on something greater--more in keeping with what I wanted.
It has really taken me a while to admit that I was unsatisfied with whatever situation I was in & did things that I would not normally do. I guess I was missing my education. It turns out I wished to see different sides of people & different scenarios, since I had led such a sheltered life.
I have since interacted with different people, particularly men, & have seen certain things for myself that has allowed me to be stronger (once you know the tactics).
In short, I'm honing my street sense, mental strength, critical thinking & survival skills. So far so good.
There was 1 thing I could never understand about myself & it was why I couldn't sit still in the past few years (also lately).
With dating, I was unable to stay with just 1 person at a time because (& I wasn't fully aware of it then) I wasn't impressed. What I mean is: I felt that if I saddled myself down with that current person, I would be missing out on something greater--more in keeping with what I wanted.
It has really taken me a while to admit that I was unsatisfied with whatever situation I was in & did things that I would not normally do. I guess I was missing my education. It turns out I wished to see different sides of people & different scenarios, since I had led such a sheltered life.
I have since interacted with different people, particularly men, & have seen certain things for myself that has allowed me to be stronger (once you know the tactics).
In short, I'm honing my street sense, mental strength, critical thinking & survival skills. So far so good.
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crystalgaze
- Posts: 2511
- Joined: Sun Jun 28, 2009 10:11 pm
- Location: USA
I'm confused.... The person I am seeing right now is being affectionate.... Don't get me wrong.... Affection is good, but coming from him it seems so wrong/out of place. He's not overly affectionate but enough/more so that I still can't believe it. (He was so cross with me that I don't see how he could forget it, just like that.)
Well.... I am hoping to stop having angst about it...... but I am confused.
Well.... I am hoping to stop having angst about it...... but I am confused.
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crystalgaze
- Posts: 2511
- Joined: Sun Jun 28, 2009 10:11 pm
- Location: USA
Well....
The man I had liked said he was going on a trip recently. For some reason, I felt that he might not come back. He never really told me when he was leaving, so I gave him his birthday present early.
I wanted him to understand how I felt--in the event something happened.
He seemed very floored by it. In the following days, there were so many "I love you's" that it was almost out of place.
I'm not complaining, though. It's just him being that affectionate toward me is weird. He even introduced me as "his girl" to some of his friends. I was like, "Oh??"
He even said maybe yesterday that we should get married soon..... I was like, " Eh?" I guess I shouldn't be surprised.... I gave him a white gold diamond ring, so..... that's why he's so crazy now. (The ring cost much less than the chains I had seen, so that's why it ended up that way!)
I don't know if I can marry him. Right now, I'm just not sure.... The economy.... My condition..... (No job, poor health, need more schooling) My life (how sheltered it was)
His age keeps churning in the back of my head..... He's about 13 years older than me.... 13 years might be too much.... I don't know....
I think maybe I might just want a friend/companion. I think maybe that's all I ever really wanted: Just someone I could do things with.....
I felt like my love for him died a few days ago. I don't know what's going on. I guess I'm partly in awe that it took a diamond ring for him to be kind to me. It looks like I bribed him! I didn't though.
The ring was to show appreciation because he had done many things around the house during the year. Even if we didn't speak anymore, it was no problem because he could pawn/resell the item for money. I guess I wanted to try to rectify any trouble I caused.
If we actually get married, I'll just get him another ring. His ring costs 3x less than what the woman's ring costs, so 2 or even 3 is really not a problem (just to be fair).
_____________
At a party I went to, there was this guy I encountered from when I used to take classes. It was awkward.....
He is so young looking..... I think he's TOO young to be interested in me genuinely, but yet I saw something in his face, his eyes (& it frightened the heck out of me). Lust, I guess? I'm not sure; I'm not trying to find out either.
He also said he knew my boyfriend..... To be honest, I thought he had been a spy for my boyfriend when we first spoke & I detected that they were countrymen..... (when I was still taking classes)
Oh well.... Strange encounters of the 2nd kind....
The man I had liked said he was going on a trip recently. For some reason, I felt that he might not come back. He never really told me when he was leaving, so I gave him his birthday present early.
I wanted him to understand how I felt--in the event something happened.
He seemed very floored by it. In the following days, there were so many "I love you's" that it was almost out of place.
I'm not complaining, though. It's just him being that affectionate toward me is weird. He even introduced me as "his girl" to some of his friends. I was like, "Oh??"
He even said maybe yesterday that we should get married soon..... I was like, " Eh?" I guess I shouldn't be surprised.... I gave him a white gold diamond ring, so..... that's why he's so crazy now. (The ring cost much less than the chains I had seen, so that's why it ended up that way!)
I don't know if I can marry him. Right now, I'm just not sure.... The economy.... My condition..... (No job, poor health, need more schooling) My life (how sheltered it was)
His age keeps churning in the back of my head..... He's about 13 years older than me.... 13 years might be too much.... I don't know....
I think maybe I might just want a friend/companion. I think maybe that's all I ever really wanted: Just someone I could do things with.....
I felt like my love for him died a few days ago. I don't know what's going on. I guess I'm partly in awe that it took a diamond ring for him to be kind to me. It looks like I bribed him! I didn't though.
The ring was to show appreciation because he had done many things around the house during the year. Even if we didn't speak anymore, it was no problem because he could pawn/resell the item for money. I guess I wanted to try to rectify any trouble I caused.
If we actually get married, I'll just get him another ring. His ring costs 3x less than what the woman's ring costs, so 2 or even 3 is really not a problem (just to be fair).
_____________
At a party I went to, there was this guy I encountered from when I used to take classes. It was awkward.....
He is so young looking..... I think he's TOO young to be interested in me genuinely, but yet I saw something in his face, his eyes (& it frightened the heck out of me). Lust, I guess? I'm not sure; I'm not trying to find out either.
He also said he knew my boyfriend..... To be honest, I thought he had been a spy for my boyfriend when we first spoke & I detected that they were countrymen..... (when I was still taking classes)
Oh well.... Strange encounters of the 2nd kind....
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crystalgaze
- Posts: 2511
- Joined: Sun Jun 28, 2009 10:11 pm
- Location: USA
My boyfriend lives upstairs in an upstairs/downstairs house. (Keep reading; the point of this mundane detail is below.)
Now....
One day, the gentleman who lives downstairs was outside one morning when I left around 7am. (I had had some sort of dream/nightmare, woke up and went by my BF, since he was up when I called.)
The gentleman is usually never outside when I come--morning, noon or night. Well, I did the polite thing & greeted him by saying, "Good Morning!"
*
Where it gets strange is that the truck did not need washing, but he was out there "washing" it anyway. His truck is usually always clean to begin with & when I had seen it that morning, like any other time, IT WAS ALREADY CLEAN.
*
It got stranger when he asked me if I were taking care of my BF and commented on how good/wonderful I look.....
*
I kept trying to figure out why was the gentleman outside that day in particular & then I found out that: HIS BIRTHDAY IS THE SAME DAY AS MY BF's.
____________
So, of course, by now, I'm truly weirded out because I just can't get over that 2 men living in the same house have the same birth month and day..... (What is the likelihood and odds of that?!)
& well.... The other part is that I met them both separately at different times before I even knew they knew each other.... & they both ended up liking me & I got together with my BF WAY BEFORE I ever knew they knew each other.....
**
Seriously:
What are the odds of encountering 2 men at 2 different times who happen to have the same birthday, live in the same house, & end up liking/wanting the same woman, with no prior talks???
Why do these things happen to me? How do they happen to me? Sheesh. The gentleman almost wants to fight my BF over me... even though I was never interested in him or turned on by him. Every time I saw the gentleman, which happened to be in the course of my work, I either wanted to run or ran from him because he was being too frisky.
After I had stopped working, he happened to be in my neighborhood one day. He had come to do some work. I wouldn't have seen him but I had seen this truck outside, sitting outside near the driveway for a long time, so I went out onto the porch to see if everything was okay. (That's how he found out where I lived.)
He seemed to take to me the moment we met. He doesn't strike me as a bad person or even undesirable. It's just that I'm not interested in him that way. (He's much, much, much older than my BF.) He seems like he's okay. If you see him, you would probably say he's a really nice guy. With how flirty he is, I can't imagine how he could just stay with only one woman!
Now....
One day, the gentleman who lives downstairs was outside one morning when I left around 7am. (I had had some sort of dream/nightmare, woke up and went by my BF, since he was up when I called.)
The gentleman is usually never outside when I come--morning, noon or night. Well, I did the polite thing & greeted him by saying, "Good Morning!"
*
Where it gets strange is that the truck did not need washing, but he was out there "washing" it anyway. His truck is usually always clean to begin with & when I had seen it that morning, like any other time, IT WAS ALREADY CLEAN.
*
It got stranger when he asked me if I were taking care of my BF and commented on how good/wonderful I look.....
*
I kept trying to figure out why was the gentleman outside that day in particular & then I found out that: HIS BIRTHDAY IS THE SAME DAY AS MY BF's.
____________
So, of course, by now, I'm truly weirded out because I just can't get over that 2 men living in the same house have the same birth month and day..... (What is the likelihood and odds of that?!)
& well.... The other part is that I met them both separately at different times before I even knew they knew each other.... & they both ended up liking me & I got together with my BF WAY BEFORE I ever knew they knew each other.....
**
Seriously:
What are the odds of encountering 2 men at 2 different times who happen to have the same birthday, live in the same house, & end up liking/wanting the same woman, with no prior talks???
Why do these things happen to me? How do they happen to me? Sheesh. The gentleman almost wants to fight my BF over me... even though I was never interested in him or turned on by him. Every time I saw the gentleman, which happened to be in the course of my work, I either wanted to run or ran from him because he was being too frisky.
After I had stopped working, he happened to be in my neighborhood one day. He had come to do some work. I wouldn't have seen him but I had seen this truck outside, sitting outside near the driveway for a long time, so I went out onto the porch to see if everything was okay. (That's how he found out where I lived.)
He seemed to take to me the moment we met. He doesn't strike me as a bad person or even undesirable. It's just that I'm not interested in him that way. (He's much, much, much older than my BF.) He seems like he's okay. If you see him, you would probably say he's a really nice guy. With how flirty he is, I can't imagine how he could just stay with only one woman!
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crystalgaze
- Posts: 2511
- Joined: Sun Jun 28, 2009 10:11 pm
- Location: USA
I encountered another older gentleman the other day. As usual, I'm not interested. It's great that he shows attention, but I guess it's not attention I want.
He rings my phone a little too much for my tastes, but oh well, I may be getting rid of it soon anyway.
__________________________
My boyfriend is trying to understand "what is wrong" with me, why I haven't been near him lately. I don't know what part of losing a baby he doesn't understand.... I even have to take antibiotics, so I don't get terribly ill. I'm still taking the medicine, & he's wondering why I don't want to have any kind of bodily contact with him. Oh well....
He rings my phone a little too much for my tastes, but oh well, I may be getting rid of it soon anyway.
__________________________
My boyfriend is trying to understand "what is wrong" with me, why I haven't been near him lately. I don't know what part of losing a baby he doesn't understand.... I even have to take antibiotics, so I don't get terribly ill. I'm still taking the medicine, & he's wondering why I don't want to have any kind of bodily contact with him. Oh well....
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