If im really depressed wouldnt someone notice?

[xxxxx12345]

I don't know what to do, I want someone to realize I'm depressed...?
For the past 2 or three years I always thought there was a possibility I was depressed. I'm not going to go into detail about my horrible life but I've had/have to a chronic life threatening disease, cutting, bulimia, anorexia, serious thoughts of suicide, divorce, family members with addictions to drugs and alcohol, fearing my fathers death constantly, my father in jail, being evicted from my 4 person families one room apartment, drug problems, alcohol problems, court, and a mentally ill mother, all in one of the richest towns in the country where everyone seems to have everything and be perfect. But for the past few weeks things have been completely different. Life sucks just as much as it has my whole life but I feel like I can't take it anymore. I feel so distant from all of my friends, like their lives are moving on and I am being left alone. I hate being at school because I'm forced to talk to people when I just want to hide and never have to talk to anyone again. My grades are slipping, I've lost motivation to do any work. I've been spending more and more nights at home because I don't want to go out and be around people. When I do go out I feel miserable almost the whole time, all I want to do is leave and get high/drunk or go to sleep and not wake up. I can't control anything, I don't understand why I've been dealt such an awful life, I know that life isn't fair but that doesn't mean I'm ok with it. I can't stand it anymore. I've never had this feeling for so long before. It's like my heart is always sinking. I don't know how to talk to someone about whats going on, I've never been able to talk about my feelings, its like I'm trapped in my mind and i cant express myself to others. I want so badly for someone to notice whats going on but no one is, I'm scared no one ever will. What if I'm not even depressed, what if I'm just a whiny teenager making a fool of myself. I feel completely lost and alone, I cant be happy about anything even if i know i should be. Please help me.

[crystalgaze]

Hi there! Welcome to the forum.

There is something in your post I will answer 1st, & it's:

I don't understand why I've been dealt such an awful life.



We all have things to deal with, but some people may have more than others. Pat yourself on the back because at least, you feel something is wrong--even if you don't know exactly what just yet.

Are you able to get to a doctor? It may help. Are you taking meds for the chronic illness you mentioned?

At this point, I also want to say that even if you have been deal an awful life, you can fix it or turn it around or make it more manageable to a degree. I don't know your entire story or much of it, so it is hard to give any kind of real suggestions.

Please take care!