Notes/Letters

[crystalgaze]

I meant to say this a while back, but an acquaintance of mine lost a family member recently. It was a tragic accident & death.

For the little that I heard him in short phone calls, he does not sound the same.... I don't really know how to describe it.

I've tried reaching out but that has not worked, & so I've done all that I could, all that I would be allowed to do.

At 1st I didn't really understand & couldn't think of much of anything to say. I am not close to my family, so I just can't relate. I can't imagine how I would feel & I don't have a reference, except my grandfather. (& Grandpa was really because of dying the day before my birthday. That's just not something to forget/put away so easily.)

Also, he just was not able to tell me that it was a tragic accident. I just figured it was a "normal" accident.... (i.e. two cars, the car + the wall or something like that) but it was not.... The person in the accident was said to have been trapped in the vehicle & died on the scene.

It was just really tragic.

[Warmsoul/Jeanie13]

(((((((((((((((( Crystal ))))))))))))))))))))

You tried hon, all that matters.

Warmie

[crystalgaze]

Yes... I did try.... I've accepted it. Interestingly enough, I called the other & he did pick up the phone.... He sounded a little normal but told me he had lost someone else in his family.

All of that in such a short time.... It's amazing. However, he does have a HUGE family.... (Let me tell you about those 10 million & 1 cousins.... )

I guess it worries me.... We're really quite similar.... (He and I....) We're both attempted S survivors. This time now with the amount of loss is similar maybe virtually the same for at least a year. I remember thinking that it was really odd.... A lot of the times when I would call him, he would say to me that he was going to a funeral. It was quite frequent late last year & also this year.

[Warmsoul/Jeanie13]

(((((((((((((((( crystalgaze )))))))))))))))))

Will admit I do know about a large family. I am the youngest of 8 children, my father from a even larger family. So many, aunts, uncles, cousins and so many are gone.

The flower shop knows me by my first name and has my address on file, if that tells you anything.

You are there for your friend, all that matters. Nice to know we have one person that we know we can turn to, not be judged and well they are just there for us. Seems this is the case, for you are that friend.

See, knew you are a sweetheart.

Warmie

[crystalgaze]

Being a sweetheart is okay... It's just that with the real life when I look out the window or stand on the porch (out there), who is a sweetheart for me? I think that's what's tough about it.

Well... It's been close to a year. I think the dust has settled & I can safely conclude that the person I've been involved with & talked about a lot in this thread is an acquaintance. I feel relatively safe around him, meaning I do not feel he will physically harm me or put me in a situation where physical harm will come to me. In other words, I don't feel he will set me up in any way.

With that said, I still do not really trust him, & I am not really sure if he's around me because he's genuinely interested in me. I do know we get along well enough. We don't really fight. There's probably been 1 major fight so far, & I don't want anymore.

I see him about 1x per month & in that 1x per month, I can go down the road with someone, get out of the house for a few hours & not feel paranoid about going out the house. (Crime has been a lot & disturbing, although I try not to let it run me ragged. I stay home mostly because of it.)

Truthfully, I am not able to say much to him. There is a gap between our ages. We don't have similar interests. For example, he likes to listen to the radio & what I will describe as Caribbean music (reggae, calypso, etc.). As for me, I can tolerate it. I like some songs, but for the most part, I don't care for it. Our lives are also dissimilar. He has a huge family or is close with his family & I'm not. He has children & I neither have any nor want any.

We're dissimilar on a lot of levels. However, he has shown me more kindness than most people. It is limited, but I can appreciate what is done.

We don't pry into each other's lives & I try to keep my distance, so that I am not used any more than I want to be used. (e.g. run this errand & that errand for other people whom I don't know & don't get any gas for the car)

There is probably 1 person I probably don't mind running an errand for besides my acquaintance & I will refer to him as J. Somehow, I have a soft spot for him (not in a romantic way or anything like that) & he was memorable.

When I 1st saw J, I was frightened out of my wits; I'm not going to lie about that. What encountering him reminded me of was having courage to feel people out & also that people from very different backgrounds to me can be okay. As human beings they can be okay. (Yes, even those who either do or deal drugs, etc., while it is NOT my cup of tea.)

J would be what is called a groundskeeper/landscape artist, but I don't look down on him or anything like that because of it. (Look at me with a loss of interest biting me hard in the butt! There's no way I'm going to judge. Judging takes away possibilities anyway.)

He's skinny as a rail, has a sense of humor, a great smile (don't mind that his mouth is plated like some rappers), works hard & is good at what he does. He likes plants & that sort of thing, so it fits him. (The plating doesn't bother me; it's just different.)

Interestingly enough, I've never actually spoken to J. I've been around when my acquaintance has talked to him or I've seen him at work. His spirit has a nice feel to it, as much as he looked menacing.

What I am glad for at this point is to have what I hope is a clearer take on things.

[crystalgaze]

Since the last post, I decided that I would stop the insanity & simply not be bothered anymore. As much as I have tried to minimize it, in essence what I have is none other than a 1-sided relation. To boot, I'm neither happy nor satisfied. What I mean is he doesn't put out much effort for me. I see it & have analyzed it long enough, so I'm done with B.

On a different note, L & I spoke & told me what his concerns were, which I understood. No sweat. It's basically a contradiction, but time will tell.

[crystalgaze]

& so... I was inspired enough today to write a letter.... I delivered it, too.... It was fun....

[Warmsoul/Jeanie13]

((((((((((((((((( crystalgaze )))))))))))))))))))))

Give yourself a gold star, you earned it.

Warmie

[crystalgaze]

Well... I did find someone I like & who seems to like me just the same. He floats my boat, but he's too old for me.... >_<

We get along pretty well. We're similar. He doesn't bug me out about my body & so on, but I must keep looking.

______________

On a different note, there was a guy I did meet, but my concern was that I might possibly related to him (from his last name). I have A LOT of investigating to do because I think I would be devastated if I ended up in that sort of situation.

He has nice eyes.....

[crystalgaze]

Wish me luck.... I am gearing myself up to make a bold move (in my quest to figure out whether this guy I met is related to me).... I, I don't think he is, but I need more info to be sure!

[Warmsoul/Jeanie13]

(((((((((((((((( crystal ))))))))))))

Sending good thoughts, knocks on wood, 4 leaf clover, my lucky charm...

Good luck

Warmie

[crystalgaze]

(((((((((( Warmie )))))))))))))))

Thank you!

((((((((((((((((( Warmie ))))))))))))))))))))))

[Warmsoul/Jeanie13]

(((((((((((((( Crystal ))))))))))))

Hope it all worked out for you.

Warmie

[crystalgaze]

Warmie, I think it did! This is going to sound odd, but .... I, I think I might have met my soul mate..... .... .... >_> .... .... .... <_< ... ... ... ... ... -_-; .... .... .... ....

I'm going to put that thought on the back burner for a bit, though.... I did ask about us being related. I... I don't think we are. (How would I know for certain either way in the 1st place, just from a gut feeling?!)

He has been incredibly sweet to me. It's like seeing him on the other side of my mirror. His kindness so far has gently capsized my kayak in the water.... It's like maybe meeting a kindred spirit.

I have never been so tired from a 1st date (talking & driving). I came home & went straight in bed. We had planned to get a bite to eat, but all eyes were on us in the place, so it was a little uncomfortable & we left. I think it's my 1st real 1st date anyway.... Go figure!

[Warmsoul/Jeanie13]

(((((((((((( Crystal )))))))))))))

Good for you! Finding your soul mate is so hard to do. Yet to find mine, maybe someday.

Think positive hon.

Warmie