Here goes (might trigger)

[newlife10]

Hey everyone and welcome to my story. Before I get started I want to say thank you for reading this and if you dont read it thank you for even getting this far.

Im not sure what to do...I have been diagnosed with PTSD, Bipolar, Major Chronic Depression, Depressive Neurosis, and General Anxiety Disorder. And Im not sure how they classify anger issues. But I am seeking help for the anger issues because once it "clicks" I want to stop being angry but I just cant stop.

I was raised in a family where there wasnt much love. Time I was born til the age of 4 I was witnessing my dad and mother fighting (at least this is what my dad has told me. I dont remember what happened at the age of 4 ). Physically fighting. At the age of 4 my dad left to make the peace. I was adopted by my step father.

From when I can actually remember at the age of 10 I was physically being beaten. Sharp objects, 2x4 clubs, belts to the face, etc. This didnt stop until 17 when I left the house. During that time my mother and step father didnt care for me in the sense of loving. It was just putting a roof over my head kind of thing.

I didnt have any friends. I wasnt allowed to go outside. In bed by 8. Was made fun of in school all the time. I never got the personal hygiene speech. I was a sweaty person to begin with and I figured just putting on deodorant after gym would be ok. I was wrong. They called me smelly for 2 years.

Did school sports. Track and cross country. But never enjoyed it because it was something my mother wanted me to do. I had to be competitive. Had to be number one. I ran a 418 mile but I came in second to last place. I got yelled at and punched in the face.

So when 17 came my stepfather threw me down the stairs and I just had enough. Called my biological dad and he came and got me after not seeing each other for 13 years. Lived with him for a lil bit and got involved with someone.

During that time I was with her no matter what I did it didnt feel like I was actually in the relationship. Felt like no matter what I couldnt be happy.

This was when I was 17. I was with her for 4 years. Never got any better. Just felt like I was slipping more and more.

After the 4 years we broke up and I got involved with someone else. This was about 2 months later. She is now my ex-wife. Great woman. Just I messed it up. Was always thinking too much. Analyzing everything wayyyy too much. In 2008 I had to go to Iraq. 2 weeks after I got into country my wife wanted a divorce. So while I was in Iraq I was getting divorced.

But then I found someone in Iraq. This was 2 months after I got separated. And this person was an attention type. Wanted all the attention no matter what. I was always chasing her. She slept with someone else while she was with me. Then lied to me for 9 months before I found out the truth.

That happened 3 months ago. During the whole relationship she was so secretive about things and such. To the point that I didnt trust her. And I didnt trust her really during the time that we were together because I knew that she did something but she just wouldnt admit to it.

Well the last straw was when the other day about 2 days ago. I am now being brought up on domestic violence charges because she hit me and i grabbed her to get her off of me so that she would stop hitting me.

I just really dont know where to go from here. She had all of my money because I would just take it out of my account and put it in hers. Dont have a job because I moved down to where my dad is to get away from that area.

So I just need some kind of help. Not even sure what kind of help that I need. I just feel really alone and the people around me are trying to talk to me and stuff but I just feel like they cant relate because they arent going through the same thing.

Ive started getting help for anger management issues. But with the issues that I listed before Ive been on medication after medication after medication and nothing is helping.

Ive tried talking to therapists and they just sit there like they are a robot just asking me questions. And then they send me on my way. I joined this site today. And I joined the chat system for the first time today and I felt not so alone. And the worst part about it is my biggest fear is being alone. But I feel so disconnected from the world. And with all the issues its really hard for me to be around people.

I just dont know what to do. Thanks again for anyone that reads this lengthy post. I do appreciate it.[/b]

[justin]

hi newlife i think we talked a little in chat thank you for your service i was a marine and i went through a lot of stuff as well they currently have me diagnosed with ptsd major depression and schizophrenia. I am in the process of filing for compensation because i denied i had any problems for 3 years when i was obviously suffering to my family. My girlfriend almost cries every night because of how bad i am doing i decide to just stop talking a lot when i am doing bad because i don't want to hurt her anymore. I am also divorced i got divorced when i was stuck over in japan she had someones kid all i know is he was not mine. Still in recovery so i have no answers for you and don't have the anger issues i just kinda snap at my girlfriend or family sometimes that is all. Well i hope you stick around it seams like we can relate a little at least.

[newlife10]

Yea ima stick around...yea you get what im talking about...the divorce being in iraq def didnt help but yea ill be around...take it easy. Time for some sleep.

[Warmsoul/Jeanie13]

((((((((((((( newlife ))))))))))))))

Hi and welcome to the forums. As you see there are good chatters in room and forums.

Your life has been a roller coaster, I must say. Yet you are staying strong, I believe.

Please continue posting and I truly hope this will help you.

Warmsoul

[newlife10]

Thanks Warmsoul! Im trying to get things turned around....but you dont do something for 25 years and then all of a sudden it changes.

But gotta start somewhere. One day at a time.

Thanks again!

[Obayan]

Hello newlife. I'm glad you found this place. It's a really good place to come and get support. We also have a chat room here too if you want to talk.

[Warmsoul/Jeanie13]

((((((((((((( newlife10 ))))))))))))))

You are right, you don't. So go small steps, see that you can talk here to help get you to the point you want and need to be. Talking with others that understand helps so so much.

Glad you found us!

Warmie

[newlife10]

hey obayan...thank you!

Yea I saw you in the chat room and you helped alot thanks!

[Alice89]

hey newlife I just wanted to say thank you for your service and for shareing your story. Life's been hard on you but you've made it this far you're a strong person even when you don't feel like it... just remember even the strongest people need others sometimes... anyway i'm glad i met you and i'm glad i read this it helps me understand you even better. remember no matter how bad things get at times you've got friends here that are always ready to be there for you and listen. Take care of urself and stay safe.

[Obayan]

newlife, glad i was able to help hon