Postby shatteredhopes » Mon Jun 28, 2010 1:42 pm
Dear (((((((((Warmie)))))))) I was joking, albeit apparently unsuccessfully!!!!!! There was a female comedian who had an ongoing gag about her imaginary boyfriend talking about him in interviews...I thought it was so funny, I have used that gag since...
I'm real too, used to spend too much time daydreaming and suffered disappointments and consequences as a result. So now I don't spend a lot of time in imaginary land, probably to my detrement as I could write more creatively if I did...
Facing the truth? I spent most of my years going from one man to the next...after my divorce, I needed to learn how to be on my own and break the pattern of toxic relationships and waited 9 years before finally taking a risk on someone...with him I made mistakes for sure, but tried so hard to make living amends for all the wrongs I had done in previous relationships and to be a good mate, only to get dumped and feel like a complete failure and too fundamentally flawed for a healthy relationship. So for me, while I too would like a 'real man' for a mate, I recognize I have been so unsuccessful in the relationship department, maybe its best to be alone and work on myself and try to find happiness without a mate, on my own, as I once did...and I am too much of a coward when it comes to another risk on getting hurt, and I know that is a very real possibility if I get involved again. But, I am taking risks on friendship again through this site, so I am progressing a little anyway! My next step would be to "engage the world" again in 'real life' and take risks on friendship. But maybe some irresitable man will drift into my life tomorrow that will inspire me to throw caution to the wind...meanwhile, I am learning to accept being alone again and take time to explore myself...