Life is getting old to me sometimes

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Ryaninatree
Posts: 22
Joined: Wed Jan 09, 2008 11:55 am
Location: Cleveland, Ohio USA

Life is getting old to me sometimes

Postby Ryaninatree » Tue Jan 29, 2008 4:08 pm

Life is getting old to me sometimes. This is just starting to seem so rediculus to me. Uggggh. I met a girl almost 2 yrs ago and we fell in love right away. I am very emotional and so was she. We hit it off quick and soon everyone around us was jealous of what we had. I told her right from the beginning who I was-I am looking for someone to love me more than anything else in the world and I want someone I can love more than anything else in the world. I am looking for a best friend and somebody to be there for me through ups and downs and that would be reciprocated. She told me that was all she ever wanted in life. She told me week after week how amazing I was and how much better her life was. I was always there for her and told her everyday how much I loved her, how great she was and how beautiful she was. After about a year things really started to change. She became very flirtatious with my friends. I let her know that I didn't care for it much and she always told me she was just being friendly. Finally one day she admitted it and said "well you know I'm going home with you". My heart was broke. She had some friends that always tried to flirt with me but I would never give them the satisfaction. They knew how much I loved Halle and told her how lucky she was. One day i got really depressed and she could not stand it. I think we both knew why. I was with someone who didn't love me anymore and I really don't know why. Looking back i think I gave too much but I can't change that about my self. She broke up with me and i went into a deep depression. All I could think about was killing myself. My sister got really scared for me and talked me into going into a treatment program. Halle did not go with me and my family to the center even though she told me she was there for me. After I got out Halle kept calling me telling me she missed me but I had just started meds and my head was very foggy. I wanted to be alone for a couple days. She called me a couple days later and told me she missed me immensely so we got back together. We were together for about 3 weeks and went to a party with some of my friends. It happened again. She completely ignored me and that night I left. She begged me to come back and when i did she said it was over. So then she started calling me every day telling me i forgot this or that. I started to think that maybe she did care about me. She was taking a week long trip to florida and that day she had me bring something over to her. She then asked if I wanted to go to the park with her and our dog. I went reluctently. She asked me at the park if i still thought we were meant to be together and I said yes. I asked her the same and her reply was "Ryan, I want to be with you more than anything else in the world but not right now." Further down the path she said "Ryan, I just want you to know that we are only friends right now." I said "so that means we could sleep with other people?" She started blushing and smiling and said "yes, we could". I was hurt soooooo bad and told her I was still in love with her and totally committed to her. She had no reply. We kept in touch for a couple days but then she stopped calling me. That was it and I knew, I knew what happened. So then she comes home and calls me after a few weeks. She asked me in an angry voice "I'm only gonna ask u once-do u want to be friends?" I said yes. That was the last time she ever called me. Then one day she E-mailed me asking how I was doing. I said ok (but I wasn't). She then emailed me all my files off MY computer that i left her and said if you ever need anything you know where to find me. I told her (rightfully so) that I was a little bitter about what had happened and i could not turn to her for help. I then told her (I don't know why) that she was a great girl and I wished her the best. She emailed me back that I was a horrible person for blaming her. She said she had made changes in her life since us and she was now different. I replied appologizing for blaming her and told her it was my fault I had not gotten help for depression sooner. I then said that if she made changes in her life that must mean that she is seing someone else. She replied "how can you even say that, I am so insulted. I now have to cut all strings from you". That was it until about a month later she texted me "how are you doing". I didn't reply. She tried calling me and she called my mother. Well the funny part of the story was I recently found out through a friend that Halle was with another guy about 3 months ago (thats immediately after we broke up). LOL go figure.
So everone around me says "move on" "forget about her". I recently met this gril named Tiffany who asked me out to the movies. I had a lot of fun with her and she made me laugh a lot. I told her not to fall in love with me but it sotra happened. I honestly started having feelings myself but I knew it was for the wrong reasons, I wanted someone to hold me and bring back the fellings i once had. She became obsessed with me and said that she was going to come over and make passionate love with me. As hard as it was to deny it, I wouldn't let it happen. I knew it wasn't right. I then explained to her that I could only be friends with her b/c of where my head was at right now. She was hurt, I broke her heart and I am sooooooooooooooo pissed at myself right now for doing so. The last thing I ever want to do in this world is hurt someone else. I hate myself right now. I thought I would feel good about myself doing the right thing. I don't want to hurt anyone. I don't believe in love anymore. There is no such thing as far as I am concerned. That is the thing that hurts me the most. What the f*** is the point of all this then? I know everyone has a reason for being here. I'm not looking for sympathy-this is just my story. :(

Emotional_77
Posts: 850
Joined: Mon Jan 28, 2008 12:21 pm
Location: Ontario, Canada

Postby Emotional_77 » Tue Jan 29, 2008 4:42 pm

Oh man that sounds real tough. I am so sorry you had to go through that :(. From the story she doesn't sound like a very nice person but thats the opinion I get from your story. Also by your friends and family just telling you to forget it, you can't do that you've been with her for 2 years it's hard for anyone to just forget about someone like that. It's understandable you still hve feelings and are in pain over it. Let yourself heal slowly each daya and it will get better. Another thing I'd like to add is that you really touched me by your story becuase I have one kind of like yours that also happened to me. It's a little too personal for me to type it out on the forum but if you're interested just give me a PM.
"You get the best out of others when you give the best of yourself."-Harry Firestone

Ryaninatree
Posts: 22
Joined: Wed Jan 09, 2008 11:55 am
Location: Cleveland, Ohio USA

Postby Ryaninatree » Sun Feb 03, 2008 10:06 pm

I would be very interested to hear that emotional.
I didn't go to work for a month, I didn't leave my bed for 8 days straight, I haven't went out with anyone and if I did I'd have nothing to say, I didn't feel angry or depressed, I didn't feel any thing at all, I didn't want to go to bed and I didn't want to stay up late. Lyrics from an old Modest Mouse song (when they were good)


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