A Surprisingly Odd Moment (trigger)

[crystalgaze]

Well, I am starting this thread to admit that I'm not feeling so great just now, & I'm having a bit of a hard time.

Something visited me today. I had my chest pain, as usual. (It is becoming a regular--even normal--part of my days.)

Amazingly, what should frighten me doesn't.... Actually, I welcome it & wish it would take me.

Does this sound like the person you know? Not really, right? That's what I thought, too.

In a conversation I had with a friend (regarding my chest pain), I said, "I wouldn't mind if I died in my sleep."

Right this minute, I do not have the heart to go to another doctor. You know how I feel about doctors....

Also, I do not want to bother my parents again now. I really would like to work, save up my own money, move out of the house & take care of what needs to be handled myself.

At the moment, I do feel a bit odd, but I am still standing.


Edit: I had some other thoughts, but they were morbid, so I refrained from posting them here.

Edit 2: I took a nap (sleep hard like usual lately), put on some lavender, orange & mint oils on an aromastone, & will make some basil tea in a bit, after going down the road with my father.... We visited 1 of my cousins.... What was supposed to be brief, turned into a mini marathon.

For a while, I've been thinking that I may try to have basil plants in the house; they are very fragrant (almost deodorizing) & smell good.... Maybe they might help to keep my spirits lifted. I may try to go get some seeds & pray that this time I might get something to grow...

I may play a game in a little. I am feeling a little more at peace. My right eye is twitching on & off, like it normally does.

Hhrrmm... Let's see... I think that's about it.... Oh ya.... I think I will start a little something for myself.... I sort of feel up to it... (I think) I was supposed to have done this months ago, but now is as good a time as ever.

[xn728]

Morning (((((onika))))),,you have had this chest pain a while now ,,i have seen you talk about it a few times ,,i get alot of chest pain,,had it checked out out ,,and it seems to be stress ,can be scary and very painful though,,,please go to the doc and have it checked out ,,better safe than sorry ,,,i know i can speak for everyone here ,,,in saying we all love you very much ,and we dont want you to be poorly ,,,,so make it a,s,a,p trip to the docs ,,,good girl,,,,,,,i must add this ,,if you dont ,you will have some swelling around the (ears area LOL,) and you know what i mean ,,,
and im on very good terms with a few cockroache,s i could send round there ,,,,,,,lots of love ken hugs (((((onika)))))xxx

[crystalgaze]

~LOL~waves~ Thank you!

[TackingIntoTheWind]

I'm afraid that I'm going to join the chorus of people who think you should see a doctor. As Ken says, better safe than sorry!

[crystalgaze]

That is fine. : ) The more I hear it, I might just go.

[crystalgaze]

I am feeling a little odd in my chest again, so I'm lying down for a bit.... I have some oils on the burner + a candle lit....

I wrote down the #s for the cardiologists. Will see who can take me the soonest....


Edit: Okay. I can walk in to see a doctor tomorrow, so that's what I'm doing. I have an early day ahead of me tomorrow. Oi...The secretary for the cardiologist my mom goes to & that my grandfather went to was so unpleasant...

I am not inclined to go into that office. If I'm going to pay money, I better be treated properly. Hmph!

[xn728]

(((((((onika))))))),,,i just wondered about this chest thing ,,,is it like your short of breath and you seem to struggle to get breath in and out ,,or is it like you got a stake through your chest and someones pushing or pulling it ,,does it hurt if you try to twist your body ,like a slow turn ,,,and also when you burn your oils or candles does you feel this could effect it ,,,
only asking because this is how fran feels at times ,,ok O,,,,hope your ok ,,hows today treating you ,,the weather here has been over cast and very cold ,,oh yes ,,is it warm there and sunny all year ,,? im sorry (((((onika ))))),,its these meds i think ,,i seem to be really coming out of my shell,,,,hold on onika ,im may get crazy with happiness mmmm maybe i ought to stop the meds i could lose my identity,,,hope you dont mind the questions ,,bye for
now hugs lots of love kenny xxxxx

[crystalgaze]

Jeez.... I've been pretty irritable.... WOW! Yikes!

My chest is a little better today.....


I did go to the general physician.... & had a pretty good experience! He's pretty interesting--very wise! All the people were nice! I'm so glad I didn't judge the book by the cover! It's really not so bad; it's like being in a house full of caring relatives! (That's an interesting approach.)

Alright... I was there for a while & he kept checking my pulse, heart rate, etc. The 1 thing he found to be a bit off the chart was my pulse.... like it's too fast.... My previous GP told me about that, but she had just said to "watch it". (I have to remember to tell him that when I return.)

My current doc recommended an EKG.... so I will do one this coming week, since that's the earliest I can do one. He is considering prescribing something to slow it down & also said that by doing so, it's possible I won't feel so hyper/anxious all the time....

Finally someone who didn't treat me like something was wrong with me....

I was doing a bit of reading up on hypertension, which my dad has & my grandpa had.... Two of the symptoms include headache + chest pain.... My pressure has been fine every time it's been checked, but I know I've been stressing lately.... I have been having a persistent headache now for a while, but it's dull.... lasts virtually the whole day.... (I also forgot to tell him about that.... I will do so next time.) It's hard to make heads or tails of it because I also have a history of having a few seizures....

I am supposed to have a blood pressure monitor around here somewhere, as well as a relaxation device.... (It's to find them! Jeez! I can't remember where they are right this minute! Argh!)

Gotta go for now... but will be back later!

[TackingIntoTheWind]

Glad you went to see your general physician. ( Nagging? Moi?! )
I'm really glad that you not only seem to have found the consultation helpful, but also that you had a good experience on a personal/emotional basis. Unfortunately, I sometimes feel that there are a ( fortunately! ) few doctors who are so busy trying to " fix " the " problem ", they don't really see the actual human being in the room with them. While the " end result " might be pretty much the same most of the time, I certainly count myself fortunate to have seen the doctors I've seen over the past year, who have not only been professional skilled, but also been people that I've felt were approachable and supportive. Being a competent medical technician and being a healer are not quite the same thing. Any doctor might reasonably be expected to be a competent medical technician, but being a skilled healer is something more than that again. Perhaps it's like being a teacher, some teachers just " download " the content of each lesson into childrens' minds, whereas some teachers do that and more, they make children think, question, develop a taste for learning...
( PS try not to get too stressed looking for your relaxation device, or you'll be going around in circles! Only kidding, take care of yourself

[dandelion]

((((((((((((( crys ))))))))))))))))

Just so you know that I've been thinking about you

love
dandelion

[TackingIntoTheWind]

Me too! Hope you're doing OK.
Be good to yourself y'hear?

[crystalgaze]

I will! Thanks Tacking! ~waves~ I hope you're doing okay!

[xn728]

(((((((hey onika))))))) glad to hear your feeling a little better ,,and you were happy with the doctors visit ,,,i hope your feeling we,ll today ,,,,
nothing much happening here ,,still have the shakes lol,,,,,take care for now and keep an eye on those syptoms ,,,,look after yourself my dear freind ,,,,you worry the old man ,,hugs (((((onika))))),,love ken xxxx