A Bit of a Crash

[crystalgaze]

Today wasn't so good.... but I'm hoping this week will be better!

I was a tad low.... Okay... Well, that's an understatement; it was quite more than a tad.

Edit: All right... Well, I feel a little bit better.... I was probably stressing out about stuff (I probably don't have any control over now)....

I was a trifle bad to myself.... I drank today (yes, alcohol), so many hours ago & now.... of all the times, NOW... I feel giddy (when I want to go to sleep)! This is so wrong!

My parents' antics actually cheered me up this time; they are such natural goofballs (& I mean that in the nicest way possible)..... I now realize why I'm such a goof myself & also why I'm clumsy sometimes!

I saw Tina Fey on TV (Golden Globes) & well.... every time I see her I break out in giggles..... (& I can see Russia from my backyard/house!) Of all the things in the world to remember, I have no idea why I remembered that....

[crystalgaze]

I feel better today.... (for now)


Edit: I am considering going to the doctor in February or so. I have been seeing some strange things happen with my body, so I am going to wait till the end of January, just to see what happens & then go--regarding my delayed menses; I actually think it might be time to seriously do something about it. It has gotten really strange in the last 3 months.

I was really trying to wait to land a job & then go, but I guess I can no longer delay it. Oh well.... We will see how that goes, if I go, & if I get any answers, if I go.... We will see.....

[xn728]

Glad your feeling better Onika ,,look after yourself ,,,go to the docs sooner
rather than later ,,you hear ,,,we dont want you going quiet on us again
,remember ,the fort ,,thing ,its your turn now ,,TC HUGS KEN xxx

[crystalgaze]

Yes, I think it's my turn! I feel up to it, though, so I'm glad!

[crystalgaze]

I am crashing again....

Edit: I am noticing with the crash that when I take a nap, I feel much better afterwards, even though if I'm still of no real use to myself for the rest of the day.

[xn728]

ONIKA MY DEAR FREIND IM SORRY TO HEAR,,,,youve crashed again ,im
not feeling good myself ,i do hope your ok have a lttle nap ..maybe it will
help dont you go away my freind ,,i need your words around here to help me carry on ,,how selfish of me im sorry ,but its true ,,,,hugs ken xxx

[crystalgaze]

No, you're fine! It's not selfish at all! Thank you SO much for the encouragement! THANK YOU! ((((((((((((((( Ken ))))))))))))))

Mighty hugs to you Ken!

[Mich]

*hugs* I am sorry the crash is coming again. Fight hard to keep your head above water and know that we are all here for you.

[shatteredhopes]

I resisted the bi-polar diagnoses because I don't have the high highs of hypermania...but it seems to me sometimes I am okay, then sometimes plummet in the darkest despair imaginable...

You seem so bubbly sometimes, then down others...I'm not a doc but might you be bi-polar? If so a mood stablizer might help...maybe talk to your general practitioner about it when you go? Just a thought, I know you are resistant to medication, and I understand that...I wasn't able to find a mood stablizer that worked for me that didn't have side effects but some others have had much success in keeping themselves up more and rapid cycling...

I think its great you are going to the doc before you find a job...sometimes things do sort of work backwards, maybe getting your health in order will turn things around for you and improve your spirit enough to where you are sending out positive "vibes" in job hunting....I know for me I have interviewed people who just have a little sense of despair in their eyes and sending nonverbal ques as to desperation or lack of confidence...then I have interviewed people who just have a glow or glimmer...and I know I have given off one or the other at varied times. Its subtle but an interviewer picks up on these things...so doing what you can to get your mental and physical health in good order might turn other things around too...just a thought.

Wishing you peace and light in your day...

[crystalgaze]

I'm not sure. I've been that way for most of my life. A lot of times I just didn't show it. I didn't think it was okay to show it.

My mom is the same way... Maybe it runs in the family.... ?


Edit: I wanted to let you all know that I do feel another crash or 2 coming. We'll see how that goes.... I wanted to drink again, too. I don't have any thing on hand really & I am getting resistant/tired of the "weak" stuff.... I'm finding I seem to be more tolerant when I drink...

[crystalgaze]

I didn't drink yesterday. I am glad & proud of myself for not succumbing or choosing that solution.

I do feel like I am spinning out of control.... but that's happened b4 & I pulled through just fine.

I have a way of thinking about spinning out of control.... Funny enough, it all reminds of me dancing...

[xn728]

Oh onika ,,i may be being a little over protective here ,,but you know i cant help it ,,ive had a feeling that you have been jumping off the walls a little these last few days,dont know why ,you seem a little lost ,,i hope im not upsetting you by saying this ,its only that i care ,,i hope your feeling ok and can settle soon ,,its been so nice having you back onika
you mean a lot to us /me ,,just take it easy ,and try to think things out if something is upsetting or worring you ,,i feel the same sometimes when life just does not work ,and you feel like just running away ,,i dont know how your feeling just now ,,but i think im just trying to say we all love you here onika ,and myself and all your freinds are there for you should you need to talk ,stay safe my dear freind ,,,,(((((Onika)))))hugs ken xxxx

[crystalgaze]

Yes... I have been scaling the walls lately.... It was pretty bad this time!

I got super stressed out about every thing! I feel a bit tired now.... I guess that's what all that hyperactivity did....

[crystalgaze]

I took a drink today... I'm not drunk, but I could use a nap. I'm off to bed & maybe I'll get back to cleaning later today....

My crash is from going to bed at 1am & then waking up at 6:30am....

(What I was thinking, I'll never know!)

[xn728]

(((((ONIKA )))))be careful with the drink my dear freind its great while your consumeing it ,i know that it makes you feel good to ,,dont get to like it to much onika ,its like the visitor it will be very cunning and draw you in,,,,i know you,ll take care my dear freind ,your very good and can
look after yourself ,, goodnight onika tc,,,,,,,,hugs ken xxxx