New Here, introducing myself

[freedom72]

I am glad to find such a forum. I am 37, and I believe I haven't admitted to myself that I've had depression for a very long time. It is at times more severe than others. Right now, I am going through such a difficult time. 10 years ago, when I was 27, my ex husband left me for another woman. I had a 2 and a 4 year old at the time. I did the single parent thing, with him having them holidays and summertime. 1.5 years ago, I packed up and moved across the country to live at a Quaker retreat center with my daughters. I wanted to change my life, and have a Sabbatical from my demanding job. I had an amazing time there, though definitely bouts of depression came and went.

My daughters, now 11 and 14, decided they wanted to get to know their dad more deeply, and are now living with him. I decided to not return to the west coast just yet, and am in graduate school for the year. It is a gruelling program, and if I had to do it all over, I would not have chosen to do this. It is all I can do to get up and go..I am so on the edge of quitting, if it weren't for all the money invested.

My parents are not speaking to me because they are angry I moved across the country (they lived a mile away from me, and our relationship wasn't very healthy, with me doing a lot of giving, and them expecting me to continue that). They are also angry that I "took the kids away from them." My dad wrote me an angry letter about how it isn't "right" that I let the girls live with their dad, that I kept my house a "mess," and that moving to the quaker center was the "wrong choice," and etc.

My sister was murdered 3 years ago. We were estranged at the time, but coming back to each other's lives. She was a drug addict and a prostitute, and I have some resentments towards my parents for how they treated her while she was alive.

So, I have a lot going on here. And, luckily I have so many good friends, but many of them don't understand the depression, so I am coming here for support.

I don't have any health insurance right now (I used to be a principal and made good money, but am, at the moment, a starving student).

I would love to get on antidepressants, but not sure if that's in the cards...though I am trying a low income option next week. I am never the suicidal type, but instead just want to lie in my bed and sleep, and never get out. I am really struggling with sadness, and heaviness in my heart.

[Mich]

Hi Freedom72 - Welcome to the forum. In coming here you have found a very caring group of depression sufferers who will make you feel welcome and cared for. I have not been around here long but have received real support and friendship from many members. I know you will too. Thanks for sharing your story. You are dealing with a lot but I am glad to hear that you are not plagued by thoughts of harming yourself. I know how you feel with the intense sadness and heavy heart.
My chest aches with it too. I hope you will continue to post and get to know us here. All the best with graduate school....I think it's awesome that you're doing it.

[hollyann]

Hi Freedom, welcome to the forum. It's good to have you here. Sorry for what you are going through with your parents. And I'm not sure I couldn't imagine what it would like to have your kids so far away. Is there any way you could have your credits transfered? It's always hard losing someone you love and care about sucn as your sister. And that way is extremely difficult. I lost a cousin to murder this past year. My cousin was both of those too. and was looked down on by a lot of my family but was always kind to me. You are not alone. You'll find a lot of caring and understanding here.

thoughts are with you.

hollyann

[xn728]

im sorry your story is so sad ,,my thoughts are with you ,,but after all you have been through you must see how strong you have been ,,,,,like my good freinds mich and hollyann say ,,this is indeed a great place ,and
soon you will meet many more new freinds ,,who will give you as much support as we can ,,,i always say we care and share here we dont judge ,we look for support and we give support ,,we all suffer in differant ways but we all understand a simaler pain ,,,all i can say is this is a long road we walk ,,and if you should stumble ,reach out and we will catch your fall ,,,i hope you find what your looking for my dear freind ,,,
welcome home ,,,,,,,hugs xn728xxx

[Monty]

Freedom,

It is good to meet you. Am glad that you found our family.

Sounds like you have been going through a lot in your life.

It wasn't until I was close to 30 that I finally realized that I needed to do something. At that point I was living on the farm so I had the pressure of bringing up kids, and taking care of my part of the farm. I didn't have to go outside the home to work, which I realize was a blessing for me.

I am on permanent disability, so I will never work for a paying job again. I just don't know how you all are able to have depression and still keep participating in the outside world.

I actually admire everyone in this forum. Some of the stories of depression, the depression is so deep, but you all are still on this planet, in there fighting.

One thing to keep in mind is, that we are all in the same boat here and are willing to listen to people's stories. It is often said that sometimes people need to have someone to lean on, and we are there for that. Then when you get better, you might be able to add the wisdom of some of your experiences to help someone else.

Glad you are here.

[Misty]

Hi Freedom,
I join in with the rest saying "welcome" We are here for each other and it's the spirit inside and positive feelings that get us through.

Take Care,
Misty