Drifting Away ,,,,

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even this morning i have woken to a great weight ,placed on my shoulders by the visitor ,today we have to shoping and it will be busy
i thought i may feel ok when i woke and would go slowly down hill during the day ,but no the fear is with me now ,i hope i can carry this fouu beast on my shoulders ,ive only put on 3 lb and still only weigh 9 stone 9lb ,
i hope my weak frame doesnt break ,,i must do this for my family ,
and i must be careful to ,because i know they will be watching me closely
to make sure i dont implode like that fateful time 5 years ago ,,
however you may feel my dear freinds ,i will walk with you all today
and were ever you may be .a peice of me will be with you,,,,,
im trying to stick to this thread ,but i cant help feeling im on the outskirts
looking in ,but im trying hard in everything i do ,,,(((bless you all))) KEN

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i feel very tearful this morning and it is hard to hide ,what strange times these are ,,,,,,ken

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well i nearly burst into tears in the supermarket i felt myself getting closer to the edge minute by minute ,fran was enjoying it so much ,it was so
very hard to keep it in ,how strange it is to be like this ,yesterday felt fine
but today that holiday gets nearer maybe i will pick up again soon
but i will tell you this now matter what the visitor sends my way ,i wont
let it show ,i will hide my inside self like ive done for years ,,and my freinds wheather your here or not ill still be talking to you ,its quiet on here and i know its a busy and hard time ,,but i did not have this last year
i was alone ,so i will make the most of this blessing ,,,
hope your all ok ,,speak to you later ,,,(((((dear all))))),,,,,,ken

[Warmsoul/Jeanie13]

Ken,

Hope things get better for you so you can enjoy the holidays as much as possible.

Warmie

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(((thanks warmie girl ))),,im ok just letting it out ,im very plyable i may
bend but i wont break ,ive just woke up from a little nap and i feel a little better ,its nice to here from you ,,hope your doing ok ,i went on the chat last night ,and just spoke a little to dandelion ,it looks nice on there
we,ll you know what i mean ,i wish i could type fast enough to chat but
i just dont seem to have the cordination ,nevermind ,i will just pop in now and then to have a listen ,i like the forum ,i can take my time here ,
thanks again girl you be safe ,and enjoy the holiday also ,going to do the ferrets hour now very cold here ,,,,,brrrrrrrr,ty best wishes ,,,,,KEN

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well todays nearly over ,and it did me no harm ,the visitor tryed to make me cry ,but i did not sucome ,it watches me now across the room as i write these words ,plotting no doubt ,something to give me to wake up to in the morning ,strange arent i ,talking about my illness in this way ,
a visible thing to me ,present in my every waking day ,what must it sound
like ,to some of you ,but since a boy it has been with me ,and i cant deny
i believe it is real ,strange how i have never tryed to touch this dark creature ,i talk to it and curse it ,but touch it i wouldent do ,why i dont know ,maybe if i touch it the tranformation would be complete and i would
be lost forever ,it can or wont touch me either ive noticed that ,it can tell
me things and harm me mentally ,but it does not have the power to harm me physhicly ,im going on again sorry ,im working on xmas eve ,only the morning ,looking forward to it really ,,then the shop will close for the holidays ,as will lots around the world i guess ,but remember theres one place that will be open regardless of time of day ,here the forum
so we can always call in ,and lay a little pain ,or something good ,or just chat in general ,no one may be here to answer straight away but when
life permits they will see your words ,and it may give comfort to them to
know you were here not long ago ,i will certanly be here it helps me to talk ,even if its only about my day ,or just leaving a message to say i thought about you ,anyway ,gonna have some tea now ,
hope your ok stay safe my (((dear freinds ))),,,later ken

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very cold here again this morning going to walk the ferrets now
i feel ok this morning ,no visitor yet ,,,,ill just say GOOD MORNING ALL FOR NOW ,,,,,later best wishes ken ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

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see what i mean about the visitor ,my daughters car has broken down again ,its an electrical fault behind the dashboard ,,not expencive to fix
but it means me stripping the whole dashboard out ,,the visitor does have
mechanical knowlendge of course ,we share the same brain ,i knew it would do something to upset me ,,we,ll it hasnt ill look at it this way at least while im fixing it over the holidays it will take my mind off things
and i wont become down ,,,haa! how you all doing ,,see ya later ken

[Warmsoul/Jeanie13]

Ken,
Use your knowledge and determination, you can beat him.

Warmie

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hey warmie girl ,already done ive spent the last four hours out there ,
freezing my fingers off ,but its running ,and the jobs well done ,i feel
amazingly we,ll you know my dear freind ,lets hope it lasts hey ,
hope your ok ,looking forward to the holiday i hope ,always pleased to hear you ,,take care now ,warmie ,,,,,,hugs ,,,,ken

[Mich]

I just wanted to pop in and say hello. You have left so many wonderful comments on my thread. I cannot thank you enough for your friendship and support. They mean so much to me.
I have also tried the chat but I feel I am more of a forum gal. I like to get to know people through these posts. I wasn't able to connect with anyone on the chat....except shatteredhopes....she and I had a private chat once.
I hope you are doing as well as you can. We'll all hang on together here and get through this.

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so glad to hear you mich ,it really is ,i look in on the chat to ,but i cant type fast enough had a quick word with shattered to ,well be ok mich
its just a holiday ,it cant hurt us if we stick together ,no need to thank me mich ,i,ll always talk to you ,weather yuor here or not ,i knew it would be nice for you to see ,ive been ok ,had to do major surgery on my daughters car today but i didnt let it get me down ,,although i feel a little
ill now ,it was very cold and i was out there for 4 hours ,ill have some
cocodamol soon that will take the pain away ,big christmas shop tommorrow for me and fran well be going at 6 am ,that way fran will be able to make the journey ,while the roads are empty ,,,,gonna go soon mich ,ill talk to you tommorrow ,be safe my dear freind always with you
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well you guys hows it going ,well i hope ,keep your heads up ,i miss you all ,shopping went well ,we have everything we need now ,ive got to open shop in morning just for 3,1/2 hrs ,looking forward to it really Fran really
enjoyed shopping ,i cant understand how she loves it so much
but oh how her little face does light up ,oh well got to get,some bits and bob now just just local shop though not far to go ,,stay safe will speak
to you all again later ,whats that you say ,,oh no ,,,,lol hugs ,,,ken

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ive been looking in on the chat the last couple of nights as the forum has been quiet ,i cant really partisipate very much as i have trouble typing fast enough ,but last night everyone was very kind and showed interest in the things we disscussed ,i was even invited for a private chat ,and during this the person i spoke to was very interested in the role the visitor plays
in my life ,i found it very uplifting to be able to talk about it in lentgh ,
i am a forum person at heart ,i like to take my time and write warmly
about my illness ,and leaving kind words for you my freinds is my only
goal ,but i will visit the chat from time to time ,and ill jion in when its not to fast pace,d, i think the chat room its self is like lots of people all talking together in the same place ,and you have to try and follow all the conversations ,very interesting but also hard for me to keep up ,,,
non the less a new and good expeiriance ,,,well done DU,HUGS ALL ,KEN

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hi morning everyone ,i have to work this morning ,but i just wanted to say A BIG MORNING TO YOU ALL ,,take care today ,safe and strong
we must all be ,i know its very hard for a lot of us ,but lets try to enjoy at least a little of the holiday ,thinking of you all at this time
AND HERES A BIG WARM HUG FOR YOU ALL ((((((((DEAR FREINDS ))))))))
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,WISHES KEN