Telling a Friend Goodbye /Poss Trigger

[Hanging On]

To my new friends on this forum I truly thank you for your combined support these past weeks. It has been likened to a rush. One that I have not experienced in quite a while.

I have had these past days a unyielding and almost overwhelming sense of despair. I am in turmoil trying to find the answers to my strength draining questions.

I lost very abruptly a dear friend. A person that has been down the same rocky path that many of us have trodden. A guide as you would for my journey through this hell on earth. He as I, has been dealt a harsh blow from every direction he turned and still held strong.

It was due to his disease that I will have to let you draw your conclusion of his demise. However he still was none the less a grand person, trying like so many to stand up to his demons. He was a shadow of inspiration for many individuals.

It is so easy to judge a person because they might not be like we would perceive them to be. He had been judged his whole life by people that were not even worthy of his company, family included. I have journaled my thoughts of this young man and have added to those words many times, recounting the memories that we shared. Although our times conversing may have been an attempt to work past another bad patch it didn't matter. We were there when either of us needed that kind word, encouragement or just to be heard.

No one can know what any one person is going through on a daily basis. If you feel your grip loosening, call someone that will be able to help you through your dark hours. I am trying to understand why this tragedy had to happen. There is no clear explanation, only questions. I have often felt hopeless, helpless, disconnected and lost. I am past that for now because I am numb.

I do not mean to burden anyone with these words. I was advised to be here because I needed another support system in place and I thank each of you for that.

I wish soothing winds, and calm seas to each of you. You are special, don't let anybody tell you otherwise.

Dave

[xn728]

maybe your freind had stepped over that threshold ,that i to have looked over many times ,who knows ,i will say a prayer tonight ,and maybe ,you will hear your freinds vioce on the wind ,and feel there tears in the rain that touches your face ,there warm smile will be with you when you feel the sun on your face ,i feel a loss to ,a freind i did not know ,but a part of all of us ,be strong dave ,you are a real freind ,you see you may be pushed to look into that gateway ,but look is all you must do ,if you step in, the option to return may not be there ,im sure this freind of ours will find peace ,i hope you to will find peace in your mind also ,,,im sorry for
your loss,,,,,,sincerly ken ,,,,,,,they will always be at your side ,,,,ken

[xn728]

hi dave ,how are you numb i know ,but please be strong ,ive never had to deal with loss ,but i feel what you must feel ,i did know a couple of people ,that were pushed to far when i was fifteen ,strange i was only thinking of them the other day ,but today i think of you ,and carry you while you feel this way ,touch you i cannot do in life ,but feel me lift you today ,its the least i can do ,i felt strong this morning on waking up ,and i was happy ,but i know i had to be strong to carry someone else instead of my self ,it still makes me happy to help ,you are a part of this family dave and we are all around you at this time ,,someone called me brother ,in life i have no brothers or sisters ,i was honered by this statement ,,,trhinking of you ,dave ,,,,brother ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,ken

[Hanging On]

Ken I have read your thoughtful words through tear filled eyes, still struggling with the evermore presence of the grief I thought I was working past. It is 3:50a here in the U.S. Another sleepless night of many past and many to come. I moved from my bedroom for fear that I would disturb my wife with my self chat and spoken demands of why. Have stayed in the guest room for several days and nights. Closed up with my feelings and hurt, wrapped in a blanket like a cocoon trying to shield myself from any more anxiety.

I tried once again to call my father and relay to him what had happened in my life only to be told that "Life Goes on, and you either go with it or you die" I guess a Sergent's mentality is with him the rest of his life. I will not attempt to call again, for I cannot bear the disappointment.

It is such an unpredictable thing, depression. You cruise along thinking that you are making positive strides and one something can happen and its as if the world has collapsed around you.

I am extremely grateful to you for being here when I need someone to be. Although we are miles apart in my mind you are close enough to see. Do speak a prayer for me but mostly for my dear friend cut down as so many have been by this hideous disease.

I wish I could say like so many people do that I feel him looking down and watching over me, but all I feel is a deep cassim inside that I'm afraid will be there for quite a while.

Thank you,
Your Brother
Dave

[xn728]

hold that stride of yours for now ,and let your freind pass with the ,happy memorys you have of them i hope ,you can carry on with your life ,when the greif has passed ,it will ,i know ,painful as it is now ,this freind would not have wanted to alter your way along this road im sure ,and will ,even though you cant see it now ,will always be around you ,in the very air you breath ,with each step you take ,make it your task to triumph for them ,they did not fail. maybe they decided there was nowere else to go ,
carry them with you on your journey dave ,again sorry,i would not bother looking for giudedance from your father at this time ,it seems to cause you more pain ,,,,,,,stay safe dear freind ,,,,,,,,,,,ken,i sit beside you dave
at this painful time ,you can only see me if you close your eyes,but im there ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

[crybaby1086]

Hi Dave, I do know something about loss. When I was eight my Grandmother died of a heart attach, six weeks later my Uncle died of a brain anyorism at twenty-six and six months later my Grandfather died of a heartattack. I know that it is different because they all passed from natural causes but a tremondous loss just the same. I wonder often if my life would have been different if they had lived. If I wouldn't have had this terriable illness now. But I will never know. All I can tell you now is your friend will always be with you if you hold him in your heart. I still think of my family often but now along with the occassionl tear I can laugh at silly memories. And can see different traits of their's , actions, looks, come out in their greatgrandchildren.
Sorry if I ramble. I'm not that great with words.
Try to take some comfort in my words, and know that I am thinking about you today. Be safe and stay strong. Robyn