It's in parts. Some are shorter. Some are longer & there are 5 of them. I haven't written any thing in a long time.
A Path to Destruction
I am on a path to destruction again....
I see it....
It's only come recently....
Is this going to be my new trend now?
(Every 8 months or so, I wipe out...?)
I can just slither/creep away into nothingness at any time
& no one would be the wiser (privy to it) until it's already over & done.
What's up with those sniffles?
Oh, it's just my cold getting worse.
Why don't I call for help?
Help doesn't seem appropriate for me...
If I show it, everyone will become alarmed.
This alarm will not help, though; it will only cloud everything.
If I say it, it will only hurt every one.
There will be unintended consequences of my action....
~~~~~~~~
Part II
~~~~~~~~
My pulse is thumping pronouncedly on the left side of my skull, almost in my ear.
The left side of my brain is always in the mix some place.
The thump becomes an involuntary twitch.
Look at this panic in calm...
I'm so calm you wouldn't even think any thing was wrong,
aside from the tears on my face
& even then my eyes are incredibly calm...
My lips are curled into a smile...
The image is not quite right...
I've almost never been sure of something,
as I am sure of this today....
It hasn't just been today.
It's been several days now.
(Maybe, I should have kept count.)
Remarkably, my mind is clear.
There are no demons screeching or howling
or trying to take me over any place.
Nothing is attacking me today.
The demons are nowhere to be found....
It's just me...
There are no other sides with me.
It's just me.
All there is is silence.
There really don't seem to be any demons today.
Have they melded that much with me that I don't see them?
Or is it just me? that there weren't any demons in the 1st place?
Perhaps, it was an over-dramatization? ???
~~~~~~~~~
Part III
~~~~~~~~~
Did I break? I don't know....
Am I in pain? Amazingly, no.
Maybe I've finally found my voice in all this some place.
I'm not sure really, but why bother to say any thing any way?
I know I will be ignored,
no matter how my lips quiver,
no matter the tears,
no matter a ruined face.
My skin is hot & my tears are cold.
How funny is that?
I thank you all for this brief moment of acknowledgement.
I don't know what is happening.
~~~~~~~~~
Part IV
~~~~~~~~~
Where is this place?
It's new.
Nothingness is here.
How am I even standing...?
(I know I can't walk on air.)
I'm left with limp limbs &
sleep beckoning to me...
Somehow, I have managed to exhaust myself,
without even doing any thing...
& what happened to all those lost signals & messages?
I'm starving myself somewhat & I don't know why....
~~~~~~~~
Part V
~~~~~~~~
Good. No one had to see that.
As long as I close my door, I can hide away perfectly
& no one will look in on me.
I won.
I still have my wings. They're still as glorious & whole as ever.
They've sustained no damage from the battle.
I may not fly as high as I used to, but the
ability remains, so that it can be done again.
My head is throbbing now, so I'll have to take a rest from
hovering. (It's the left side again: left front, left back, left center & center, down to the socket of my eyes.)
I guess it's a much-needed moment for myself....
but the sleep feels like coffin-death sleep...
Maybe I don't have to be afraid of landing on the ground any more....
The landing might be bumpy, but it's been
proven I won't crash & burn or die,
even if I should fall straight out of the sky.
That's what those blocks of memory foam are for on the ground.
