Dying Self (Not Glorification)

[crystalgaze]

Aim, how are you doing? I just wanted to make sure I drop you a line!

[aim]

Gaze - have you ever tried a dating site? There, you can see men and exactly what they are looking for in a woman. Even if it just gets your feet wet, it might be worth a try.

Boys are nothing to fear, gaze. They are just... boys! They used to eat worms and probably still laugh at bathroom humor, right?

[crystalgaze]

I guess so aim! It's good to see you!

[aim]

Hey Gaze- I had such a busy couple of weekends, it's nice to be back on here. Between all of the family engagements and planning my wedding life is quite hectic! I'm good though. Happy with my love and can't wait to be his wife, actually. Work is... work, I guess. The craziness is finally over for now, so we'll see what the next year brings me there.

How are you???

[crystalgaze]

Hi there aim! I think somehow I missed this message. Sorry about that!

The update about my friend.... (the 1 in the military)

Well, we have sort of gotten through a rough patch.... We talk okay now. We laugh the same like usual....

He recently was a lifesaver for me.... I was sort of down & he cheered me up. ~lol~ I couldn't really believe it....

He did tell me what was going on in the end...

I've decided (I think) that I'm going to tell him I like him, so he knows. I think now is the right time, based on the feeling I get from him, former girlfriend is mostly out of the picture, etc. He's going off for training again, & I don't want him to leave again, without my saying something. I think he already knows, but I'm just thinking I should say it. I might feel better myself; holding in emotions always wreaks havoc on me.

Of course, I am not expecting any thing. I think I would just like to set myself free of it.

[crystalgaze]

The good news is I have found a way to set myself free of it, without having to say any thing. (I'm so glad for that.)

About my dying self.... I think I finally know what this is all about now.

You see.... out of a month (31 days), I'll usually only feel good for about 7 days. I've been trying to figure out what it is for some time now.

What I know is that I only feel good for a while when my period decides to come. (Can you believe it? Isn't that wrong?! It's usually the other way around, for Pete's sake!)

I'm getting the feeling this low I've been in is due to my hormones....

[aim]

Hmm... crystal, could this all be chalked up to your hormones, maybe? Hormones are very natural and powerful things, and if you only feel good when your hormones are changing, that's got to be an indication of something, don't you think?

Talk to your gynecologist maybe? He or she may be able to shed some light on your situation. Gynecologist's are very very bright doctors... they did medical school just like MD's, but they went the extra mile too. Worth a shot perhaps?

[crystalgaze]

Thanks aim! Yes, maybe it is worth a shot.

the other part of the dying self is that I had blocked out every thing. I didn't even kow there was a church right down the road from my house, even though I passed the sign every day. How about, now.... It's like being asleep for a good while.

[aim]

Gaze - have you spoken to the doctor? Any news to report?

[crystalgaze]

I didn't go to the doctor yet, but I did find a vitamin & mineral supplement that seeemed to make me feel better. I am going to wait a little bit to see if that clears up the problem with the irregular periods.

We'll see!

On a different note, perhaps the hardest death to experience while living is the seeming incapacity to feel/allow oneself to feel true love (if there is such a thing).

[xn728]

hi onika just saying hello ,hope your ok ,dont know how your feeling about the holidays and stuff ,but i send you wishes anyway
take care and stay safe ,,,,,,,,,,best wishes onika ,,,,,,,,,,,ken

[aim]

not knowing how to accept love is not really a death, I don't think. It's more like you don't begin to live until you can make love a part of your life. Not just romantic love, but all types of love. I think we all fear love in a way because if you open yourself up to being loved, you open yourself up to being hurt, huh? I can honestly say though... I'd rather love all of the people I do right now and continue to do so even if I was guaranteed to be hurt in the future. Love is... remarkable, really. I love as a fiance, daughter, sister, niece, cousin, friend and aunt right now. And I would not change any of it.

[Misty]

*Hugs*
All i can say is that you already have the answers within. Maybe it's just how to put them to work with all the outside influences that is getting to you. But we all need to connect with others and this has been a wonderful place for that.

Take Care,
Misty

[Mich]

Hi Onika - Haven't seen you around much lately. I hope you are okay. Sending you my best wishes...

[crystalgaze]

Thank you for the best wishes Ken & Mich & Misty! ^_^ Hi there aim! Okay.... I think I have an idea as to what's wrong with the girly problem.... I was reading up on PCOS the other day & it sounded a lot like me. The vitamins + minerals did not seem to clear it up (at least not yet)....

Of course, I know.... I know... I have to get to a doctor. I promised myself I would go b4 my 31st b-day. I am hanging on to see if I get a job right now....

I do still feel a bit like the title of this thread, but I won't complain....