i hate him. should i blame him for my life bein a mess?

[chrissie29]

when i was about 9yrs old my grandad did things to me he shouldn't! AND HOW f****** DARE HE!
this is the 1st time i have let it out and it feels good! my realationships have been shit thro out my life, i am clinging with men and stay with them even tho they hurt me. i can not leave instead they leave me and the whole thing starts again with another man. they hurt me but i stay, they leave me, also every man i'm with i always think they are going behind my back, and drive them crazy with this, even tho deep down i know there not i just can't help looking for it. I want to be normal but idon't know what this feels like as i was to young to know how a person should feel.... if u know what i mean? aaaagggggrrrrrhhhhhhhh to it all really!
sorry but i just needed to say this! life is so f***** up the brain a mad and wonderful thing but not to wonderfull otherwise i wouldn't be here lol. i'm mad aren't i

[lisalou]

no you're not mad, you are just suffering and it's not surprising,how f***ing dare he indeed,you were his family,how dare he do that to an innocent 9yr old girl,well done for speaking out,sorry i only just noticed this after i wrote all the other stuff,sounds like it is def more than just post natal stuff. no wonder you have issues with depression and relationships. i really hope you can find a therapist or support group to talk thru all this so that the b*****d doesnt comntinue to ruin your life,well done again for telling us it must have been awful carrying this around for so long

good luck with everything

lisa xx

[xn728]

listen this happened to my eldest daughter when she was 12 .shes 29 now
and do you know who it was ,the school headmaster ,now im a man ,and i think am a very nice human being .but i know first hand men are absolute pillocks at times .im an enginneer by trade and some of the men ive worked with ,we,ll they were animals , let it out if it make you feel better ,,,,,,xn728