I really need help

[Laura93]

Hello, my name is Laura and I'm 26.
I have a really long list of issues in my life: obsessive compulsive disorder, anxiety, panic attacks, 2 major phobias (one for needles, blood and stuff like that, and the other one for being sick in public) and also depression with some suicidal thoughts.
I'm married, but my husband does not know how bad is my depression, because we have a huge fight one time when he said to me that he prefer not to know about it. He changed is mind after some days, but I still can't speak about it with him.
I don't work, so I'm home all day everyday. The only time I get out is to go at the grocery store and to walk my dog.
I feel useless most of the time. I don't want to get up in the morning, because I have no goals in my life. I'm also really alone, I don't have any friends at all.
I was thinking of trying hypnotherapy, but I don't know if it will work for me. Also I'm really afraid of find myself in an uncomfortable situation (my anxiety rise up just thinking about it).
Thank you to anyone who will respond to me.

[Spleefy]

Hello Laura,

I am so terribly sorry and feel very deeply to hear what you are going through.

I am also sorry that your husband is shutting himself off from your troubles. Has he told you why he does not want to “know about it”?

Perhaps if you see a therapist, you could invite your husband along with you? It can help to have a mediator present. The therapist might be able to encourage your husband to give you emotional support or to even discuss how he is feeling. I’m sure he loves you and, deep down, wants to help you. But maybe he is just feeling overwhelmed by it. Or maybe he is not sure how to help you. He might feel like he will cause more harm than good if he does try to help.

I'm sure it is just as hard for him to see his darling wife go through so much emotional pain. As a married couple, "two will be one flesh; so that they are no longer two, but one flesh."-- Mark 10:8. So, naturally, your pain will become his pain.

You did say that he changed his mind about giving you support. You said you still can’t talk to your husband about it. Is this because he still isn’t showing interest OR because you now feel uncomfortable to open up to him after the argument? You don’t need to answer this if you don’t want to.

I think you made a good first step coming here. It is good that you have reached out. We all need people to talk to, even if only online.

I don’t know much about hypnotherapy. I would suggest, if you haven’t already, to do your homework on hypnotherapy. Make sure you know exactly what it entails and what you are getting yourself into before making a decision.

What about if you set some goals? Maybe make it a goal to build a social network?

I don't know if this is feasible for you, but you could make it a goal to walk the dog and talk to the shopkeeper more regularly. You could make it another goal to say "hello" to a stranger sitting on a park bench or something. Then, perhaps find something to say as an opportunity to strike a conversation.

As an example... the other day at the cafe, while I was waiting for my delicious latte, I saw a lady sitting on the bench with her dog. I said to the dog, "hello, handsome. What's your name"? The owner giggled and told me her dog's name, then I started talking to her and we began conversing about all kinds of stuff. It might be something you could get into the habit of doing to build a social network.

Please post again if you ever feel like talking or even if you need to just get something off your chest. There are plenty of people here only too happy to listen and talk to you.

My thoughts and prayers go out to you.

[Laura93]

Hello Spleefy and thank you for your response.
What happened with ny husband is that he told he doesn't want to know about how bad is my depression because he felt like he will be in more pain and anxiety for me, because I was talking about suicidal thoughts. Then he changed his mind because he understood that not knowing is even worst. Now I'm not ready to talk with him about it because I felt left alone that time.
About building a social network, this is something I can't do. My anxiety is too bad and I feel really uncomfortable talking to people.
This is why I feel helpless.
Thank you again.

[froggymom]

Hi Laura.
I'm really sorry about all the difficulties you encounter in life and I will keep you in my prayers . I'm sure it is difficult to confide in your husband after he initially closed that door, but he was honest about it. It was out of love for you that he didn't think he could listen to your suffering. If he is in a better place now and wants to help you, I think it would be good for both of you to share these issues and move forward together. If you need a little support doing this a therapist to guide would be beneficial.

[Spleefy]

Hi Laura93,

Thank you for explaining it.

I can understand why you are not ready to talk to him after what happened. I probably would have initially felt the same way, especially if I was in a vulnerable emotional state and it was from the one person I thought I could rely on for emotional support.

However, I think froggymom did a great job of putting into perspective. Of course, it is easier for someone not in your situation to do that. But froggymom did make an excellent suggestion.

I understand about the social networking. I felt exactly the same way at one stage. Maybe it something you can work on when you are ready. Your husband may also be able to help build your confidence in approaching people. Sadly, I didn't have anyone to help me when I had severe social anxiety; I had to fix it myself. But you do have support (hopefully), so I’m sure you will achieve whatever you set your mind to, especially with a loving husband to support you. But only if or when you are ready

I hope things improve for you soon.

[kvolm2016]

Hi Laura, I am glad you are reaching out here for conversation and for support. I think you will find both here. I know it is easy to feel overwhelmed by all the things in our life that are NOT as we would like for them to be. So I have learned that it can help to just focus on one thing to start with. If you could change one thing, what would be your first choice?

[Laura93]

Hello kvolm2016,
I actually didn't find any support so far, I hope it will change soon.
To answer your question, maybe it will be my phobias, because all started from them. I mean my panic attacks and my anxiety are provoked by these phobias.
The problem is still that I can't face them, I'm too afraid and I know this is the only way to get rid of them. That's why I was thinking about hypnotherapy, but I'm not sure at all.

[kvolm2016]

Hello kvolm2016,
I actually didn't find any support so far, I hope it will change soon.
To answer your question, maybe it will be my phobias, because all started from them. I mean my panic attacks and my anxiety are provoked by these phobias.
The problem is still that I can't face them, I'm too afraid and I know this is the only way to get rid of them. That's why I was thinking about hypnotherapy, but I'm not sure at all.

I'm sorry that you haven't felt supported yet. What would help you feel supported by this community? I have not tried hypnotherapy so not sure about it's effectiveness with phobias. Was this recommended by a doctor/therapist or have you researched it much?

[Laura93]

I just thought it was good for me because I read online that with hypnotherapy you are relaxed and more ready to face your problem because you have no anxiety. I didn't find any story of someone with anxiety or phobias that have tried hypnotherapy, so I still don't feel ready to try it.

[athena.vhd]

i think u should see an expert.
People cant get a proper opinion on such a thing. They are not even aware of the side effects and most importantly the specialist can tell if it works for you.

[Regina Quirion]

Hi Laura,
I hear you and I can relate to you because I am suffering from depression too. The moment I feel I am drowning in the pool of sadness and anxiety, I always try and talk it out. I talk to my mother about it. Though in your case it looks like your husband did not take you seriously. But sometimes anger can cloud our judgments. It is best that you confide in him and tell him about your condition. Look for the right time and share how you feel. You also need an escape from the monotonous routine. The reason you are surrounded by sad thoughts, anxiety, and panic attacks is that you don’t get out of the house or keep yourself busy. I did the same thing and was never happy with myself. The best thing would be to distract yourself. Start thinking about all the things that make you feel happy. Do them right away. You need to start loving yourself before anything else. Trust me loving myself has helped me overcome a lot of depression issues.
As far as hypnotherapy is concerned I don’t know if it works or not. I will suggest you research it first and then take the final decision. Also, in my opinion, you should try talking to a therapist or someone who will be all ears to your situation.

[Laura93]

Hello Regina, I feel exactly how you described, like I'm drowing and nobody can help me.
Actually I started opening up with my husband, he felt really bad about the things he said to me last time, but I still don't feel 100% confortable talking to him, maybe I just need more time.
I know I need to talk with a therapist, but my anxiety is makes me too much afraid. I'll think about it. Thank you very much for your message.

[Colorsofme90]

Hello Laura93,

I'm 29 and I'm going through depression too. I have anxiety about almost everything I do. I don't really have any phobias but just overall anxiety. I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder last year. My husband is pretty understanding and will always listen but he doesn't always know the best thing to say. I don't fault him for that, but it's frustrating and makes me feel lonely. So, I understand how you feel alone. I've tried reaching out to friends and co-workers. No one seems to know how to handle it. Sometimes they just accuse me of being overly negative and say I'm bringing people down. I've tried talking to my mom about it but she usually just gets concerned and just insists that I see a therapist or go on medication when really I just want someone there to listen to me and be with me. I've been to therapists and I'm not opposed to them, it's just I want someone meaningful/someone who can share stories back with me. Therapists aren't supposed to open up about their lives with you and sometimes that is frustrating. I was journalling tonight and I realized that's what I'm looking for the most. Someone that I can connect with and who understands what I'm going through. I know what I'm saying isn't directly helping you or talking about what your post was but I was scrolling through and saw your post and I can connect with it on a lot of levels. It made me feel less alone. Talking to people can be really freaking scary, and sometimes we will get rejected, but you never know how what you say might help someone in a good way. Sometimes, if I'm not strong enough to talk to someone, I at least give them a smile. That way if they are having a bad day, maybe my smile could be the one good thing in their day. So, I just wanted to thank you for sharing your story because I can relate to it. I feel your pain. I feel your fear. I feel your desperation. I feel how overwhelmed you are. I'm right beside you. I don't judge you and you can message me to talk if you want.

[Laura93]

Hello Colorsofme90.
Thank you for your words. I admire your courage to talk with your coworkers and your mom about your depression, I could never do that because my parents will never understand.
I know sometimes I'm so negative and so frustrated that it's hard to talk with me and I just blame my husband for not being interested enough. The truth is that only people who have experienced depression and anxiety can understand what we are going through.
I may contact you in private if you want, so when we feel alone we can talk to each other!

[Colorsofme90]

Sorry I took so long to reply. Life has been busy for me. You can definitely message me in private. It is nice to talk to people who understand for sure.