Friends are disappearing - feeling isolated and very sad

[BaleZepp]

Hello,

I am new to this forum and very happy I've found it!

I don't know where to start - just three years ago I was in the happiest time of my life with wonderful friends, a great job and all was well. Then I went through a tough period where I was diagnosed (and cured) with cancer & other things. Eventually it all became too much and I was put on official medical leave from my job and I find that my life has completely changed and I have lost so much. I am working so hard to stay hopeful and get better.

I've always been the rock and life of the party in my friendships...now that I can no longer be this person, my friendships are slowly fading away and it makes the pain I already feel even more unbearable. Some of my friends do genuinely try to be there for me, but they just don't understand they say things like "we just want you to get your mojo back" "you are so lucky to have what you have" & "I don't know what to do to help you". My best friend has not contacted me in over one month and the only reason why is because I could not go on holiday with her...I know that makes her sound like an awful person, but I genuinely love her and we've shared so much through the years together. I just feel at this moment I can't always be the bigger person, so I am therefore alone and I feel like I'm the problem.

I am blessed with a wonderful husband, who also suffers from depression - so he can't always be strong for me and that's OK. As an only child who's family members are now deceased, I feel like I have no larger community to turn to sometimes. I am hoping this forum can provide support.

My question is - have you fellow depression sufferers also lost dear friendships because of it and what did you do to cope? Thanks so very much.

[BaleZepp]

P.S. I've worked very hard not to be a burden to my friends...to the point that the constant pretending has been harmful & sometimes it goes off like a pressure cooker. I feel they simply can't handle me not being myself.

[jones]

I have cut shallow, faithless people out of my life, but now there's no one left. I feel miserable in their company, but also miserable on my own. What I'm saying is, friendship is a catch-22. Your friends need you to be a particular way, otherwise, they don't know how to be friends with you. You could work really hard to redefine the parameters of your friendship or you could just accept that they are who they are and venture out to make new friends.

[BaleZepp]

Thanks Jones...very true about the miserable with or without situation. I am currently working hard at the parameters thing...there has been one friend who has really tried her best and she deserves all the chances in the world even if she will never get me. I guess human relationships can be complicated...depression has been in my life (my mother) since I was a small child, it feels normal to me and I can't imagine abandoning someone when they are down and out.