I no longer need the assistance of a moderator - I figured it out all by myself. I am 53 years old and am being dragged, kicking and screaming, into the world of the Internet. I can write, edit, compose, create, and do all the other things it takes to get a message out, but figuring out the way of the web is new and irritating, since I am used to things like pens, paper, and telephones.
Is there anybody out there in the same spot? From the sound of it, everybody is between 18 and 26 years old.
But that could be ok, because I can impart great wisdom upon them if only I can not be a terrible bore about it. Really. Depression can be fun. Depressives commonly use humor, aggression, know-it-all ivness, and other defense mechanisms to keep scary, scary sadness and fear away from us. We are so frightened by the prospect of someone not liking us, that we put up a big shield, oftentimes, the exact type of behavior that we don't want to send out. It's amazing how that happens, but it happenes ALL THE TIME to ALL OF US. So don't feel afraid to just come right out and say why you feel bad. We are fortunate with this internet forum business because we can remain hidden. And the moderators won't let anyone tear our souls out on the screen. This truly could be a good thing.
I am in a constant state of walking the rim, trying not to fall into unrecoverable dispair. My husband of 19 years, the finest man on earth, was diagnosed with terminal prostate cancer a couple of years ago. I am disabled in a multitude of ways; basically I'm living in the body of an 80 year-old.
We have no family to help us, my husband still manages to do most of what needs to be done. He keeps a really positive attitude and that keeps me from suicide. We have an agreement that we will go together when the time comes.
So until then, I fight to stay on the edge, at least. Sometimes I can't handle it when he is really sick and I need someone to talk to. This forum is one of the places I go. Another is a pharmaceutical forum where we talk about the drugs we take to control pain, how they affect us, and just help each other out with all the problems that entails. It's called Pharmer.org, I think. If you're doing the antidepressant thing, it can be helpful. We use it for the pain fourm and help each other figure out how to get around the DEA and get what we need. It is, yes, sad that we, who are the weakest, have to fight the hardest. This government is so . . .so . . . you know. But it will be getting better. It can't get much worse, so think of a happy future, or at least happy elements of the future. It is going to get better.
I feel better already, just unloading this. Even if no one responds, it is out of my head and onto another place.
Hope I can help someone else.
Aurelia5
GOT IT! Nevermind.
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georgiapeach
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((((((((((((((((((( aurelia5 )))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) <--- thats a hug by the way(btw)
welcome here aurelia... it may take some time to get used to this whole big internet world, but please know i am more than willing to try and assist you. i do look forward to more posts from you. also, its great to see you are open to getting advise from younger people. a lot of older people arent open to that!! im so happy you seem so open.
welcome here aurelia... it may take some time to get used to this whole big internet world, but please know i am more than willing to try and assist you. i do look forward to more posts from you. also, its great to see you are open to getting advise from younger people. a lot of older people arent open to that!! im so happy you seem so open.
Hi, aurelia - welcome to these forums!!!
I have to agree with katie that you write extremely well. All of your thoughts are so well thought out and make a lot of sense. Seems that you will be a great asset to these forums.
I'm not 54, but I'm 33. There are many young people on the forums, but some of us over 30's and above are here as well. It's a great place to vent, seek advice, and even give some advice. I find that offering support and advice actually helps me in the long run - sounds like you do too.
Seems also that you and your husband have quite a load on yourselves... I'm truly sorry it had to be that way for you. Sounds like your husband is fighting his cancer, and that you are there supporting and loving him. You're lucky to have each other... I hope you both stay around for a long long time.
You have no family and/or friends who can help you both out?
I have to agree with katie that you write extremely well. All of your thoughts are so well thought out and make a lot of sense. Seems that you will be a great asset to these forums.
I'm not 54, but I'm 33. There are many young people on the forums, but some of us over 30's and above are here as well. It's a great place to vent, seek advice, and even give some advice. I find that offering support and advice actually helps me in the long run - sounds like you do too.
Seems also that you and your husband have quite a load on yourselves... I'm truly sorry it had to be that way for you. Sounds like your husband is fighting his cancer, and that you are there supporting and loving him. You're lucky to have each other... I hope you both stay around for a long long time.
You have no family and/or friends who can help you both out?
Great to see you posting Aurelia.
Sounds like you and I are, somewhat, in the same boat.
I am just a year of so younger than you, and consider myself very fortunate when my kids come to visit. Love to see them but also they can solve whatever the most pressing computer problem that I have on the go at that moment.
I was the one in my family who couldn't figure out why I was having so much trouble downloading my pictures, from my digital camera (I got that far out of the stone age to get a digital camera, only to take pictures of my granddaughter). Oddly the problem was solved (after I had cursed Canon for making the camera in the first place) once someone pointed out that my camera wasn't connected to the computer. No wonder I couldn't get them to my on-line photo album. Felt like the village idiot when I realized all the time, and cursing I had done with that one. At least it was one of my kids that figured that one out, not an out-sider.
You are right. A lot of time the only thing that keep us depressives going is (what seems to some to be strange) sense of humor.
Before I sign off just a quick story. I was in a support type group that was not a drop-in one, you had to pass a board interview, for women with severe depression.
A couple of times, when we came out of the group we would get the questions "I thought that you all had really serious problems with depression, how come all the laughter".
Of course it wasn't all laughter, we shared a lot of very low times with each other, but just shows that we did find a way to laugh, in spite of all the crap that we had to deal with.
I know that I keep repeating the next point, in pretty well every post, but it is only because it is so true.
I find this forum very helpful. I check in on it, at least a couple of times a day. For me it is one of my precious life-lines. Like with the support group I was in, a lot of it concerned some truly tragic issues, but sometimes the light got in through some of the cracks.
Now that you have caught on to this "computer stuff" look forward to getting the chance to know you better.
Sounds like you and I are, somewhat, in the same boat.
I am just a year of so younger than you, and consider myself very fortunate when my kids come to visit. Love to see them but also they can solve whatever the most pressing computer problem that I have on the go at that moment.
I was the one in my family who couldn't figure out why I was having so much trouble downloading my pictures, from my digital camera (I got that far out of the stone age to get a digital camera, only to take pictures of my granddaughter). Oddly the problem was solved (after I had cursed Canon for making the camera in the first place) once someone pointed out that my camera wasn't connected to the computer. No wonder I couldn't get them to my on-line photo album. Felt like the village idiot when I realized all the time, and cursing I had done with that one. At least it was one of my kids that figured that one out, not an out-sider.
You are right. A lot of time the only thing that keep us depressives going is (what seems to some to be strange) sense of humor.
Before I sign off just a quick story. I was in a support type group that was not a drop-in one, you had to pass a board interview, for women with severe depression.
A couple of times, when we came out of the group we would get the questions "I thought that you all had really serious problems with depression, how come all the laughter".
Of course it wasn't all laughter, we shared a lot of very low times with each other, but just shows that we did find a way to laugh, in spite of all the crap that we had to deal with.
I know that I keep repeating the next point, in pretty well every post, but it is only because it is so true.
I find this forum very helpful. I check in on it, at least a couple of times a day. For me it is one of my precious life-lines. Like with the support group I was in, a lot of it concerned some truly tragic issues, but sometimes the light got in through some of the cracks.
Now that you have caught on to this "computer stuff" look forward to getting the chance to know you better.
WOW! What a gas getting all these incredibly nice replies from people!
My husband and I are fairly isolated and like it that way, but we do need to stay socialized and we do like to interact with others. Just not at parties, or lunch, or other places that may be full of interuptions.
Monty - I can't even figure out how to use the digital camera. It was a gift, and the instructions have been translated so many times that it no longer makes sense. YEA - there's two of us out there who are sill of the old school.
You are lucky to have a teenager. I need to rent one to teach me how to do all this stuff.
Aim - Thank you for the complement! And the very sweet words. Yes, we have family, it's just that the ones that care about us are five hours away.
Monty - Here is a trick for you to try the next time you are feeling very bad. I just thought of it. Picture me in your mind. Picture a sort of blond lady with long hair, somewhat overweight, good with make-up, sitting with you on a couch. I am holding your hand and encouraging you to go ahead and bawl your eyes out. You do. I get you another Kleenex, and tell you it's going to get better. I can say this because I know that we always feel better after we cry. Lo and behold, after a couple of minutes of me holding your hand, you feel better. My husband does this for me and it works.
From the sound of it you get very depressed all of the sudden. That can be soooo dangerous. This is hopefully a way to stay away from the edge.
Know that I am thinking about you, even though I don't know you.
Thank you to all of you that wrote back. I got the biggest bang out of that.
My husband and I are fairly isolated and like it that way, but we do need to stay socialized and we do like to interact with others. Just not at parties, or lunch, or other places that may be full of interuptions.
Monty - I can't even figure out how to use the digital camera. It was a gift, and the instructions have been translated so many times that it no longer makes sense. YEA - there's two of us out there who are sill of the old school.
You are lucky to have a teenager. I need to rent one to teach me how to do all this stuff.
Aim - Thank you for the complement! And the very sweet words. Yes, we have family, it's just that the ones that care about us are five hours away.
Monty - Here is a trick for you to try the next time you are feeling very bad. I just thought of it. Picture me in your mind. Picture a sort of blond lady with long hair, somewhat overweight, good with make-up, sitting with you on a couch. I am holding your hand and encouraging you to go ahead and bawl your eyes out. You do. I get you another Kleenex, and tell you it's going to get better. I can say this because I know that we always feel better after we cry. Lo and behold, after a couple of minutes of me holding your hand, you feel better. My husband does this for me and it works.
From the sound of it you get very depressed all of the sudden. That can be soooo dangerous. This is hopefully a way to stay away from the edge.
Know that I am thinking about you, even though I don't know you.
Thank you to all of you that wrote back. I got the biggest bang out of that.
Last edited by Aurelia5 on Sat Jun 27, 2009 4:13 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Children?
Aim -
No, I don't have children and never wanted them. Saw what my sister went through, what humans are like when they are really young ie smelly, loud, ill-tempered, uncoordinated. No, I just couldn't handle it. My husband felt the exact same way.
We have cats, tho.
No, I don't have children and never wanted them. Saw what my sister went through, what humans are like when they are really young ie smelly, loud, ill-tempered, uncoordinated. No, I just couldn't handle it. My husband felt the exact same way.
We have cats, tho.
Thanks for keeping me in your thoughts Aurelia, and being there to hold my hand.
Yes, I am what they call a rapid-cycler. Mine can be extremely rapid, a dramatic change can be watched just over the course of a day.
Though I know that there are people out there in the forum that are kind enough to read my posts and respond. I was very ill a few years ago and do have other supports in place, other than just on-line.
There are a few of us from our original group that keep in close touch with each other. We all have safety-nets in place. All these people have the contact number of my daughter in case things, go south, too fast. I am in the position to do that for the others in the group.
Just telling you that so you aren't concerned that I will be like the "cheese standing alone" in the middle of a crisis.
It wasn't until just a few years ago that I was really able to feel anything. There were a few movies that would help start me cry, those I would buy and keep on hand. Just letting it out sure feels good doesn't it. Maybe someone can tell me why it is seen as a sign of weakness to cry. Go figure.
All those years I didn't cry, I would end up with headaches the stress level was so high. Now I will sit and watch a movie,tv,listen to music and the tears will just stream down my face. For me it feels good just to "feel something". Just make sure that I always keep kleenex in my pockets.
It sure does feel good to just have a good belly laugh, or a good cry. Lets a body relax.
Anyway this thread is supposed to be about you, not me.
You can tell by the replies to your initial posting, that there are people out there that are listening and writing back. Like to think that we are all there to help each other.
From your few postings, sounds like you are fitting in quite well. You have already given me a lift today.
I will be watching for your future postings.
Yes, I am what they call a rapid-cycler. Mine can be extremely rapid, a dramatic change can be watched just over the course of a day.
Though I know that there are people out there in the forum that are kind enough to read my posts and respond. I was very ill a few years ago and do have other supports in place, other than just on-line.
There are a few of us from our original group that keep in close touch with each other. We all have safety-nets in place. All these people have the contact number of my daughter in case things, go south, too fast. I am in the position to do that for the others in the group.
Just telling you that so you aren't concerned that I will be like the "cheese standing alone" in the middle of a crisis.
It wasn't until just a few years ago that I was really able to feel anything. There were a few movies that would help start me cry, those I would buy and keep on hand. Just letting it out sure feels good doesn't it. Maybe someone can tell me why it is seen as a sign of weakness to cry. Go figure.
All those years I didn't cry, I would end up with headaches the stress level was so high. Now I will sit and watch a movie,tv,listen to music and the tears will just stream down my face. For me it feels good just to "feel something". Just make sure that I always keep kleenex in my pockets.
It sure does feel good to just have a good belly laugh, or a good cry. Lets a body relax.
Anyway this thread is supposed to be about you, not me.
You can tell by the replies to your initial posting, that there are people out there that are listening and writing back. Like to think that we are all there to help each other.
From your few postings, sounds like you are fitting in quite well. You have already given me a lift today.
I will be watching for your future postings.
Monty Dear -
Here is an idea. (I think this is true, but it came from my own head, so don't place any bets) A woman crying is a woman using a defense mechanism. It is a way to stop an aggressor dead in his tracks. Just imagine a cave man, has a cave woman wife, and he smacks her for not having dinner ready when he gets home. To avoid another smack, she cries. It is a startling reaction for the male, and he completely forgets why he's mad. It also triggers something in his head that instinctually makes him want to protect her, and an even bigger thing in his mind screams for him to do ANYTHING to get her to stop. It's like nails on a blackboard to him, but fortunately, she knows when to stop; after he is no longer mad and before he gets mad all over again because she won't stop crying.
You not crying, or not feeling anything for that matter, is one of those shields I mentioned earlier. The sadder we are, the tougher the shield. Probably there because we've been burned so many times before and for us, getting burned can be fatal.
These days people have buried these actions and reactions as much as they can because our culture doesn't want anyone thinking we're weak. Either by crying or by comforting a crying person. We supposedly have our lives and our minds under complete control. The wife of today does have dinner ready. She has her whole life folded up neat as a pin. Right? Wrong. We are still stuck with the instincts the cave men had. For you to have suppressed it as long as you did must have left scars on your emotional switchboard something fierce. I'm glad you are now able to let it out.
Yes, books and movies can make you cry. But boy, what does it for me, not necessarily in a sad way, is classical music, or a boys choir. Chopin stands all the hair on the back of my neck up and turns on the tears. I wish this didn't happen, because it usually happens in the wrong place at the wrong time. And my face turns red, I get all sweaty, my skin gets blotchy, it's just a mess. Most people are thrilled to hear Vivaldi's Four Seasons. So am I. I'm so thrilled by the utter, overwhelming beauty of it that I start crying immediately.
So I'll sit in a concert and during the most beautiful parts I'll try hard to think of laundry soap, or waxing the car, or why beans make you flatulent. People ask how the concert was. "It was great! Didn't hear a note!
Off on a tangent. Sorry. I'm just glad you have safety nets everywhere.
Here is an idea. (I think this is true, but it came from my own head, so don't place any bets) A woman crying is a woman using a defense mechanism. It is a way to stop an aggressor dead in his tracks. Just imagine a cave man, has a cave woman wife, and he smacks her for not having dinner ready when he gets home. To avoid another smack, she cries. It is a startling reaction for the male, and he completely forgets why he's mad. It also triggers something in his head that instinctually makes him want to protect her, and an even bigger thing in his mind screams for him to do ANYTHING to get her to stop. It's like nails on a blackboard to him, but fortunately, she knows when to stop; after he is no longer mad and before he gets mad all over again because she won't stop crying.
You not crying, or not feeling anything for that matter, is one of those shields I mentioned earlier. The sadder we are, the tougher the shield. Probably there because we've been burned so many times before and for us, getting burned can be fatal.
These days people have buried these actions and reactions as much as they can because our culture doesn't want anyone thinking we're weak. Either by crying or by comforting a crying person. We supposedly have our lives and our minds under complete control. The wife of today does have dinner ready. She has her whole life folded up neat as a pin. Right? Wrong. We are still stuck with the instincts the cave men had. For you to have suppressed it as long as you did must have left scars on your emotional switchboard something fierce. I'm glad you are now able to let it out.
Yes, books and movies can make you cry. But boy, what does it for me, not necessarily in a sad way, is classical music, or a boys choir. Chopin stands all the hair on the back of my neck up and turns on the tears. I wish this didn't happen, because it usually happens in the wrong place at the wrong time. And my face turns red, I get all sweaty, my skin gets blotchy, it's just a mess. Most people are thrilled to hear Vivaldi's Four Seasons. So am I. I'm so thrilled by the utter, overwhelming beauty of it that I start crying immediately.
So I'll sit in a concert and during the most beautiful parts I'll try hard to think of laundry soap, or waxing the car, or why beans make you flatulent. People ask how the concert was. "It was great! Didn't hear a note!
Off on a tangent. Sorry. I'm just glad you have safety nets everywhere.
Not usually on the computer this early in the morning but reading your posting about classical music that truly moves you reminded me of something.
Classical music can truly set the tears off. Actually after reading your posting (and while I am typing this one) I went to YouTubbe and found Handel's Hallelujah Chorus and am letting it play.
That one came to mind because they played it as the postlude at church this past Sunday. The church I attend has a pipe organ, and the organist really knows how to get the music out of that old,much in need of repair organ. The tears were just running down my face. Beautiful.
The one the I have made sure that everyone knows to play at my funeral is Beethoven's Ode to Joy.
Not because I think that I am looking forward to dying. I just want people to know how much I celebrated my life. I have often said that after I had ECT (shock therapy)
Classical music can truly set the tears off. Actually after reading your posting (and while I am typing this one) I went to YouTubbe and found Handel's Hallelujah Chorus and am letting it play.
That one came to mind because they played it as the postlude at church this past Sunday. The church I attend has a pipe organ, and the organist really knows how to get the music out of that old,much in need of repair organ. The tears were just running down my face. Beautiful.
The one the I have made sure that everyone knows to play at my funeral is Beethoven's Ode to Joy.
Not because I think that I am looking forward to dying. I just want people to know how much I celebrated my life. I have often said that after I had ECT (shock therapy)
Hello ladies!
Cats, huh? I grew up with cats, but now I have a dog. People without pets can't really appreciate how we love them... And I do love my girl so much - no matter how crazy she makes me!
I don't have children yet myself, but my boyfriend, hopefully my fiance soon, and I want them very much. But I hear ya about babies! I have a nephew, and I absolutely LOVE the time I spend with him - nieces and nephews are fun to have, arent't they?
Speaking of humor... I work as a social worker for children's services - tough, often depressing job in itself. We - my co-workers and I - find it very helpful to find the humor in any situation that we can. I'm sure outsiders would think we were heartless laughing in this job, but what are you supposed to do? So I get the point of humor all too well. I think it's necessary and makes things a little easier on you.
Hugs to you both!
Cats, huh? I grew up with cats, but now I have a dog. People without pets can't really appreciate how we love them... And I do love my girl so much - no matter how crazy she makes me!
I don't have children yet myself, but my boyfriend, hopefully my fiance soon, and I want them very much. But I hear ya about babies! I have a nephew, and I absolutely LOVE the time I spend with him - nieces and nephews are fun to have, arent't they?
Speaking of humor... I work as a social worker for children's services - tough, often depressing job in itself. We - my co-workers and I - find it very helpful to find the humor in any situation that we can. I'm sure outsiders would think we were heartless laughing in this job, but what are you supposed to do? So I get the point of humor all too well. I think it's necessary and makes things a little easier on you.
Hugs to you both!
I don't have cats, but I have kids.
They are both adults. Been away from home for many years. Actually I have grandchildren. Figured it was my job to take care of them for 18 years, then send them off to the world on their own. They know they are very loved, but do not want to proscribe to "smother love" as many mothers I know, have.
I did have a dog though. I had always said that I wasn't a pet person, until I got my dog. He saved my life (no word of a lie) but now she is far away, with her dad. I know that she is being well taken care of though.
They are both adults. Been away from home for many years. Actually I have grandchildren. Figured it was my job to take care of them for 18 years, then send them off to the world on their own. They know they are very loved, but do not want to proscribe to "smother love" as many mothers I know, have.
I did have a dog though. I had always said that I wasn't a pet person, until I got my dog. He saved my life (no word of a lie) but now she is far away, with her dad. I know that she is being well taken care of though.
much the same
your the same /well much the same as me /married to a wonderful woman who has lung problems /i know what you mean about depression being fun /we have to fight for every thing we need /no friends or family /well i destroyed that back when iwas 18 /but were still here /so you know what /we are gifted we have something to give freely for everyone in here to use /experiance im 50 and this is my fisrt venture into using the internet ,you never know i may be able to type with 2 fingers in a year or so /good lord did the visitor allow me to make a joke ,, regards reach out and we will catch your fall ,,,,,,xn728
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