Lost

[jane123]

Hi all. I'm posting as nothing in my life makes any sense anymore. It's like I find it impossible to even fake I'm happy now, and my mind has just blanked, to a point where I can't make conversations anymore. Literally I wake up and my mind is blank. I can't seem to remember anything that used to make me happy/ things I'd find funny.

I'm not taking medication and don't intend to, but does anyone else feeling this kind of 'soul-less' feeling? I feel like this constant stress is ageing me.
Mentally, I'm just not there and a few people have commented saying this.

Help please

[Frame]

Jane;

I sure do. I have to go out, but I wanted to reply.
Your not alone.
More later.

[TheSadTroop]

I know how you feel. if im not at work i will sit around in my barracks all day and stare at the computer or T.V. and thats it switching between eating small meals and zoning out to t.v. untill i feel like i can fall asleep.

[jane123]

Ok sure frame. This sounds weird but do you ever have this 'loud silence' in your head/ mind. I have this all the time. How are we meant t fix ourselves when we've even become so uncomfortable around others? It's like I don't knw my personality anymore, kind of soulless, like I don't see humid in anything..

[jane123]

I feel this mental block in my mind thats stopping me from thinking. These days I don't even feel like talking to anyone and its a real effort for me to speak, my voice is beyond monotone now..and my mind seems to have slowed, like I've forgotten everything and simple things, like I can't respond. Is this depersonalisation? Please help someone. How do I fix myself???

[Alaska1958]

What you're describing sounds like the kind of things a lot of us have trouble with. For myself I find a good conversation can really help raise my spirits. Please don't be too quick to write off antidepressants. In my own life I've found them useful to keep the worst of the depression at bay.

Feeling slow, lethargic, to have memory issues, to want to isolate yourself, these are typical effects of depression. Traditionally it's suggested that we make ourselves get out, to engage with others, develop new activities or hobbies, get regular exercise and try to keep yourself on a regular schedule.

Regrettably I am in the position of saying "do what I say, not what I do", as I've spent far too much time laying in bed being depressed this last year.

Good luck.

[Bassman]

Sounds easy, doesn't it? Just get up, get out and meet people. I know it's not. I know it doesn't help, but there are plenty of people who can relate. You're not alone, even if you feel as though you are.

What did you do for hobbies etc before you started to slide into depression?

[tiredofsmiling]

I read your post and just wanted to shout out "YES"...I am oddly feeling in this very same place..Feels like waay to much has happened and tired of pretending none of it matters.. I feel empty too.. I don't know why I even exist. So, I guess all I can share right now, is that I feel it too.. which is why I came here today..no one understands

[jane123]

Thanks for all of your feedback guys.
Alaska- yes I do think talking helps but it is almost like my mind has or forgotten how to co ordinate speech.. Pathetic but that's how it's become and I feel so humiliated when I do talk or try to. I went to a get together the other day, tried to talk to someone I hadn't seen in years and I froze up, quite anxiety- striken having nothing much to say other than how are you.

Bassman- I guess I'd do sports and gym, which I havnt done now because I feel so lethargic, but I will try to start up exercise again because I know it makes you feel more active. Don't think it can help this weird mental block though as I've tried exercise for an episode like this before.

Tried of smiling - yes you are right no one seems to understand, even myself to a degree as I don't know what's going on in my mind or why, I don't have any problems in my life so I have nothing to make me depressed, I feel like its something in my brain. Why are you feeling this way and has depression been a long- term problem for you? I totally have been in the 'why do I exist' mind frame at times too

[tiredofsmiling]

First, let me just share that my family has a history of depression and sadly suicide. It's a scary fact to come to terms with growing up and now that I am in my 50's. I have always had anxiety issues, but never fully understood it..especially social anxiety.

My current "bout".. stems from a lot of "life" crap catching up to me and certain family event triggers this past month that have left me feeling empty, and all the more aware of certain realities. Combine this with having to deal with chronic ..24/7 physical pain treated by meds... and ... "poof".

It comes in waves for me.. I can hold it together and put on a good face for sometimes years.. but I am just all out of pretend.

[jane123]

Tired of smiling, sorry to hear that.. It's not easy trying to deal with depression and then having certain things happen to make it worse. As much as I'm sure you don't want to, at least you have been able to 'hold it together'. I think I've gotten so absent in personality that I've forgotten how to 'fake it'.

Do you talk to any friends or family about your feelings? And are you taking any meds?

I feel like people that havnt felt this way don't understand and I myself don't feel comfortable talking to such people about it.
I hate wasting my life away whilst watching others being happy all the time - I wish I could just feel like I was 'there' in my mind and present in personality, like I used to. Nothing seems to make me happy right now