him

[doesntmatter]

The two worst feelings in the world is having the carpet ripped out from underneath you, having nowhere to fall back on and having the one who you thought was going to be your future end up being a ghost in your past. I had both of these happen to me at the same time. I was at my cabin with a friend when my boyfriend at the time completely ghosted me. I didn't understand what was going on until he finally told me to not talk to him until I get back home. Well the day I got back to town was the day of his birthday. So I sent him a simple happy birthday text and he just left me on read, along with my mom. The next day rolled around and he asked to meet up downtown, so we did. When I got there he told me he felt it was wrong of him to be dating his best friend and that he feels it'd be best if we broke up then proceeded to hand me all of my things back that were at his house and told me to gather all of his sweatshirts and what not than give them to his best friend to give to him. That day I lost my bestfriend and my first love. A month passes by and my good friend shows up at my door, who is also good friends with my first love who we'll refer to as Ashton. My friend, who we'll call Alexander, asked to come in and said he wanted to talk. At first I thought he was going to say something happened between him and his girlfriend but that wasn't the case, at all. He informed me that Ashton cheated on me with this chick from our school, that day I lost any trust that I had, self-confidence and respect for myself. I texted him and went off, he said he didn't want me to find out then apologized than started rattling off excuses. After a while I ended up forgiving Ashton for the pain he caused me and we reconnected, and against my better judgement we got back together. Before we started dating again I asked him if he was in contact or had any ties with the girl he cheated on me with, he said no and that he has zero respect for her. Well we dated for a month and then he said he think it'd be best if we stayed friends. I said that if he feels that would be best than I'm okay with it but I wanted us to stay friends, we stayed friends. Until I found out a few days later he started dating the chick he cheated on me with the day after he declared we were just going to stay friends. When I confronted him about it he stated that I should be happy for them because he "deserves that much". Today they're no longer dating which to be honest kind of boosts my ego but it hurts to see him flirt with other girls in front of me. What hurts even more is knowing that if he were to come back and ask to be in my life again I'd let him because I don't think I'll ever be fully over him, you know what they say about first love, the love you have for them will always be alive and will always live in your heart. No matter how hard you try you can't forget about them or get the piece of your heart back that they hold.

[GraceH]

You can try to take care of yourself and talk to a therapist. You deserve to be loved, cherished and treasured--but you have to believe and feel this within yourself first. I hope your broken heart heals, and you become stronger and more confident from this. You don't deserve this treatment. No one does.

[Strassette]

Losing your first love is extremely hard. When it is fresh or when you feel you haven't been able to move forward, it doesn't feel like it is possible to move on or not love that person, but I encourage you to hang on and take it one day at a time. The boyfriend I was with for 2.5 yrs and thought I was going to marry cheated on me.. I was devestated, broken, hurt, angry. One lesson I learned from that was that I needed to walk away from all of it... I couldn't text him/see him/be friends.. anything. It was the only way to protect my heart and be able to (eventually) move on... and trust me, it took time.
I encourage you to protect your heart. These times can make us really vulnerable. Maybe start doing something new for yourself (learn something new (another language? take classes? etc) etc. that you can do new things that don't remind you of your ex.
You aren't alone in this! I am sorry you have to walk through it. Allow yourself to grieve the loss, learn as you go, and learn to take steps forward (get good, solid friends to help!). You got this! Keep walking one step at a time.