Anyone here who also have kids? How do you handle life with kids while battling depression?

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Anyone here who also have kids? How do you handle life with kids while battling depression?

Postby justnobody » Wed Jul 03, 2019 5:50 am

I have a toddler. She's the best but at the same time the worst. She's friendly and energetic, but also extremely clingy and stubborn. That makes her a handful. I've "paused" therapy for a year and a half as of now because DD will literally cry until her face turns purple if I am out of sight and don't return once she starts crying. I've tried. For a couple of times I've tried leaving her with our sitter and went to the grocery store. 30 minutes later sitter called and I could hear DD screaming in the background. When I got home she was sobbing and gasping, her face bright purple. I can't take her with me to therapy because therapist doesn't allow me to take her into the office, and it's probably not a good idea letting her see me cry over my problems anyway.

For now I get by using "herbal supplements" that I know are just placebos. I can feel my mental health going down. I can feel my anxiety elevating and suicidal thoughts resurfacing. When anxiety strikes, I lose the ability to stay calm and maintain the eye contact DD needs so much, and I feel bad. I tried reaching out for help at a local parents support forum, kid you not, people there judged me for having kids while being depressed. I got DMs calling me names, accusing me of ruining an innocent child, etc etc. A few specifically told me to divorce or even kill myself so DH could find a new wife who's not a psycho. It was horrible. I deleted my account after three days.

DH works ungodly long hours so there's only this much he can do. While our sitter is amazing, I still feel overwhelmed by parenting. Any parents here willing to share your experiences? TIA

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Re: Anyone here who also have kids? How do you handle life with kids while battling depression?

Postby Chinadoll13 » Mon Jul 08, 2019 3:38 pm

Oh my goodness, my heart breaks for you. I've been diagnosed with depression for years and went through it when I had my kids. I can definitely feel your frustration! I am so sorry that you had such an awful experience at the other forum! That is so horrible!
Have you talked to your doctor about the depression? Is there any medication that they can prescribe? It is challenging to raise kids when you have depression, but it is absolutely manageable. Do you have a support system around you? For me, it really helped to have family and friends who could step in when I needed a little time to myself. I do believe that you have to take care of yourself first in order to be a good mom and wife to your family. If you are empty, how can you give your family anything? Your mental and emotional health is very important. Try to take a little time each day for you. Put the baby down for a nap. Let her watch a favorite show on TV. It's ok to take care of yourself. In addition, I think that your husband needs to be part of your support team. Unless it was agreed before the baby, both of you should be raising the child - not just you. I can understand that your husband works late and hard, but that doesn't mean he can't watch the baby for 15 minutes while you take a shower.
I would also try to find another therapist that could see you with your child. I know that the situation is not ideal, but it would be truly beneficial for you to talk with someone professionally. Besides, there's nothing wrong with allowing your daughter to see you cry. If anything, it shows her that her mommy is human and capable of feeling sad sometimes.
Lastly, your daughter is probably at the stage of separation anxiety. Both my children went through that too and although it is frustrating, she will grow out of it. Perhaps you could have the sitter come by while you are at home and let your daughter get used to her. The sitter could distract her with play while you got some things done. Stay in her line of sight but gradually disappear from the room until your daughter is used to you not being there.
I hope this helps some and gives you some encouragement that you are not alone! Please speak with your doctor though about your feelings of depression. I hope that things improve for you soon. Take care of yourself and your family.

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Re: Anyone here who also have kids? How do you handle life with kids while battling depression?

Postby Spleefy » Fri Aug 09, 2019 4:37 am

Being a parent is a full-time role and a challenge in itself. But the fact you are doing it with depression is remarkable. They seriously judged you? Wow! The audacity of some people. It is easy to judge when they are on the outside. Their tone might change if they were in your shoes.

Water off a duck’s back. Their judgments are a reflection of how they feel about themselves. Deep down they probably admire how much you are able to take on. To raise your darling daughter while battling depression. That takes guts!

I am a full-time carer myself for my uncle whom has special needs. I had a relapse of depression two years ago. I was trying to keep my crapola together whilst still trying my best to make sure he was unaffected by it. The struggle was real! I was fortunate that it only lasted a month or so before I put depression back in its place. But there are people who will struggle for years whilst simultaneously taking care of a family.

I hope you didn’t take their judgment too hard. You are doing the best you can. You’re giving your daughter the best care you can and seeking help for depression.

One of the things that helped me during my relapse was to think of my uncle. I haven't had depression for years prior to this relapse, so I was shocked that I even got it again. I was very anxious about it because I did not want to live through it again. Depression stole many years of my life that I cannot get back. I do not want to ever go through that again. Although, in one way I am glad I did have it because it added to the person I am today. I just wish it didn't come at the price of suffering for so many years :P But it is what it is, no use crying over spilt milk.

So, yeah, one of the biggest motivators for me during the relapse was how this would affect my uncle. I knew that if I didn’t pull through this, and fast, my uncle would be affected by it. My mission is to give him the best quality of life possible, and depression is NOT a part of that plan.

You are not ruining your daughter’s life. If anything, you are going to be a great role model for her one day when you get through this. You will set the example for her that you did whatever it took to give yourself and your family the best life possible, with or without depression. What an amazing mom!

One day when she is grown up, she will do the same with her own family whenever adversity strikes.
Jehovah is close to the brokenhearted; he saves those who are crushed in spirit.—Psalm 34:18

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Re: Anyone here who also have kids? How do you handle life with kids while battling depression?

Postby JkBrauer » Fri Aug 09, 2019 11:44 am

I am sorry to hear about the hardship you are going through right now. What kind of things do you do for fun, to take time to just enjoy life?
Can you get out and take your toddler to the park and feed the ducks, or put him in the stroller and just go for a walk, play in the back yard, go out to McDonald's and get lunch...?

Try to get out and find something enjoyable to do today.

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