My mom - please read

[blackbird1986]

hi im new here, i came here because my mom is very depressed and i need advice on what i can do to help...

heres her story, shes in her 60's, as a young adult was a beautiful women. got married and had 3 children, all whom still keep in touch with her on a regular basis... she seperated from her husband (my father) about 7 years ago, shes been a smoker for about 40 years, due to this shes aged considerably and had to get dentures because she lost her teeth. she also has a disorder where she is unable to open her eyes fully, and is also deaf in her one ear. shes also very thin and fragile, if one were to push her she would probably fall over. however due to all her downfalls she never complains and never asks for help for anything. shes an amazingly loving and caring individual,

due to her hearing loss its difficult to have a conversation with her because she either doesnt pay attention or simply cant hear you. ive gained alot of patience to have a conversation with her, however her brothers and sisters seem to ignore her at family events which is heartbreaking for me.

i love my mom with all of my heart. im the closest to her of all her children and her family. but the only thing is im in school which is 4 hours away so she and my brother who is 26 live in our childhood home, my other sibling (oldest brother) lives about 15 minutes away, visits every chance he gets. we bought her a dog after her and my fathers seperation to keep her uplifted.

like i said earlier she never complains, today was different tho and it broke my heart. im going back to school at the end of the week and today i took her to the ear doctor to get tests done and to hopefully get her corrective help on her hearing. the appointment was a quick test, which we were kind of hoping for more but had to make a different appointment for that, due to this my mom was upset. later in the day she seemed down so i had to pry out of her what was bugging her, she told me that her life sucked, and that the appointment was dissapointing, i told her she has many friends and family who love her and she should try to get out more often to keep her occupied (she stays in the house all day and watches tv, she is retired and also cant drive far or at night because of her eyes) she said she doesnt want to go out to places becauses shes embarassed by the way she looks. i told her she was beautiful and that i love her very much so. her and i are going out tommorow to go shopping for some things for the house, i also bought her some of her favorite pastries for dessert earlier tonight, and i also watched some tv programs and chatted with her for awhile until she went to bed.

its very tragic because she never deserved all this to happen to her, shes always been giving and loving to everyone who knows her, i just need advice on what i can do to help. thank you for reading.

[Obayan]

If one of your parents is showing signs of depression, it is normal for you feel scared, angry or sad yourself. It is important that you do what you can to help your parent while taking care of yourself in the process.

1 Have a serious discussion with your parent. If you have siblings, ask them to participate as well. In a calm and concerned manner, let your parent know that you've noticed his depression and want to help.

2 Suggest counseling, especially if your parent's depression is severe. Help your parent to find a good counselor and go with her for support. When you know that a therapist is actively treating your parent's depression, the weight of the problem is no longer on your shoulders, and you can begin to relax and focus more on your own life.

3 Be loving and affectionate with your parent, even if you're feeling angry and sad. It is important for your parent to know that you are there for him while he's going through this tough time.

4 Take care of yourself. Continue your normal routines if possible, and lean on your friends and family for support. Seek counseling for yourself if you're feeling especially affected by the situation.

5 Learn about depression. Read up on it and talk to mental health professionals about it. This will help you to better understand the feelings that your parent is experiencing so that you can feel more sympathetic and less angry.

6 Understand that your parent will ultimately make her own decisions, and while you can suggest counseling and support services, she may choose not to get help.

Please keep in mind this is only peer to peer support. I hope this helps you.

[Warmsoul/Jeanie13]

Hi blackbird,

My heart goes out to you with this. I watched this happen with my mother. A little but strong woman, that always put her family first, no matter what. Then it was like life played a dirty trick on her. She went through losing all three sons, my father died and she felt, sorry but only word I know fits, she felt worthless.

Her hearing went bad, her sight went bad. Children grew up, grandchildren grew up. She lost her siblings, life seemed so unfair. All she wanted was to feel like she was needed, could do as she always did, which she couldn't.

For me, the one thing I could do was sit and talk with her. Asking about her childhood, her life. Was amazing watching her change from someone so depressed to someone that remembered the happiness in her life. Taking her out to eat, to visit friends she wanted to see. Things she truly wanted to do but wouldn't ask.

I realize your being in school, but telephone calls work as well and when with her, make it all about her.

That isn't professional advice, LOL I am far from being that. That is what helped my mother. Making her the shining star, if only for a day. And the joy it brought to me is beyond words. I now have those memories, those moments that my mother and I became best friends.

It isn't always the big important things that matter, it is the ones that come from the heart.

My thoughts and prayers are with you. Stay strong, for her and for yourself. It isn't to do, but will be so worth it.

Warmsoul