Depression Understood Forums

All I wanted was to smile.

Anguish without reason is what I felt since I was a child.
Loneliness without reason is what I felt surrounded by all.
Rage without reason is what I felt among my toys.

All I wanted was to play as all children do.

Failure is all I saw when I looked upon the past.
Hopelessness is all I saw when I looked upon the future.
Pain is all I saw when I looked upon the present.

All I wanted was to live life as my friends did.

Medicines never ending did I pour into my body for an end to the hell.
Lightning never seen did I pour into my mind for relief from the pain.
Inner torments never loud did I pour onto others for understanding of the grief.

All I wanted was the weapon to slay my demon.

With a fall my death did I try but was too filled with fear high above the ground.
With a bullet my death did I try but was too great a coward to pull the trigger.
With a vapor my death did I try but was too shaken to enter the sleep.

All I wanted was the courage to die.

Your best friend is what I wanted to be since I met you.
Your best lover is what I wanted to be since I loved you.
Your best husband is what I wanted to be since I married you.

All I wanted was to bring a smile to you, my wife.

Yesterday I raged at imaginary offenses for they filled my heart with fury.
Today I weep at imaginary pain for it wounds my soul.
Tomorrow I will suffer at imaginary grief for it will forever defeat my reason.

All I wanted was to smile.

This is great! I really like how you put everything, and how it all fell into a pattern. I know there's some sort of word for that, but I forget what it is. I think it's "format".

I like the way you had a "yesterday", "today", "tomorrow" pattern going on there. And then adding an "All I want...." after that. It was really interesting.

Lovely... I hope you find your smile soon

Thank you for the view into your depresssion and its impact. Reads like it writing it was a painful process.