Feelings

[inrecovery2011]

How can I see any positive in me
You say there is good in me
All I see is the failure I have become
The dreams and hopes I gave up on
I run so far from reality
For me my reality is things nightmares are made of
I try so hard to hold everything together
I try to just smile but the smile is broken
Today I see me for what I truly am
A loser who never should have been
The things in my head that I relive day after day
Makes me wonder can I be saved
Can I fix a broken heart that was left many years ago
The shame and regret I feel are hard to express
The family the sense of belonging eludes me
You say things will get better all I can see is they are different
When I hide the true thoughts they consume my very being
I can’t say the things I need to
For they really don’t matter
I don’t deserve the happiness you say
I have made far too many errors for anything to change
The pain I have caused is unforgivable
If I say the words I should would it even matter
Or would the truth be seen
I am unfixable, unlovable, and very much unneeded