The Darkness

[Mich]

The darkness is overwhelming today. I had a very tough therapy session yesterday that left me feeling full of shame and rage. I want to self harm so badly yet I know that is not a good solution. I just feel the need to act out on this extreme anger and hatred I feel for myself. The deep despair is present also and sometimes I feel as if I can't even take another breath....it hurts so much just to breathe. I need a healthy outlet for these feelings. I don't know what to do with them. I am an anorexic as well and the intensity of these feelings makes me restrict even more. Starvation is a way to help me deal with these feelings and it also serves as a way to self harm. I have to get a grip. I have to eat because starvation is very bad for depression and I have to distract all I can today and try not to ruminate on these feelings that seem like they are taking me under.

[Warmsoul/Jeanie13]

((((((((((((((((( Mich )))))))))))))))))

Is there something you can do, a movie, a walk, puzzle, reading, telephoning someone, painting, that would distract your thoughts to help get you through this?

Letting you know what you have written is being read and we do care.

Warmie/Jeanie

[minty0]

Hi Mich

I hope things are getting better for you, but I know its hard. I'm going through something similar. You just need to take really small steps. Do things that make you happy but don't hurt you. There must be something.

Just remember, no matter how bad things feel now, they will get better. There will be a time when you won't feel this darkness.

[shatteredhopes]

I can empathize with sometimes therapy leaving me feeling worse, although most of the time I left sessions feeling better, with one therapist in particular who tracked the time and worked to lift me up before session ended.

One thing that helps me a lot in my dark is gratitude. Think, pray, or list the things I am grateful for...eyesight, hearing, roof over my head, warm socks, the water heater, etc. Its not a magic cure but helps me a bit. I hope it can help you.

I thought the previous poster talking about doing something you enjoy was helpful advice, which I need to take too. I need to find a joke website. I was told it helps to laugh a little every day.

Brotherly love your way from someone who empathizes.