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I forgot & then remembered that I fell in the shower the other day....

This has NEVER happened to me EVER. I've skidded or slipped, but I never fell.

The really odd part about how I fell was that I was actually standing still when it happened. I haven't the faintest idea of how that's even possible.

My eyes were open. I was careful like I always am in the shower & somehow I just lost my balance + couldn't save myself or even like break the fall.

One minute I was standing & then BAM I was down in the tub. I think my exact thoughts were "WTF/What is this?! How the hell did I get here?! What? I'm 25 yrs old for Pete's sake; I don't fall down for no reason!"

My back hurt for a few days & my neck was stiff like nobody's business. My knee killed me for a bit, but all seems to be well now.

I didn't black out or any thing & my eyes were open when I fell. I don't believe I was asleep or zoned out, but I was a little upset, so maybe that's what did it.

It was freakish to me, though.... Well, I can only keep trying to be better....

crystal... can I encourage you to go and see a doctor? Tell he or she that you fell and can't remember anything beyond that? All they will do is check your head and, I'm sure, tell you all is a-ok, but I really think it's probably a good idea. Please keep me posted.

Thank you for the encouragement! I am building up my strength to go see a doctor. I do need a new 1 'cause my previous 1 & I fell out, after she gave me some uncalled for attitude one day (which I decided I was going to straighten out right then & there).

I didn't do any thing there & she just sort of randomly went off on me. It bothered me, so I confronted her calmly about it & took care of it.

She decided she didn't want to have me as a patient any more because I wouldn't take her crap & of course, my thoughts were: "It's not my loss." & "Tough cookie."


Edit: I've decided I'm going to seriously look into seeing a doctor. My hyperness seems to have finally had a physical effect on my body, other than a headache, so I will make going to the doctor more of a priority (before any thing else happens).

Gaze, I hope you have gone to see the doctor - head injuries are not to be taken lightly!

It takes a while to find a doctor you really trust, I think. I had one years ago, who I really loved as a physician, but he retired. I only found one that I trust again about a year ago. And to tell you the truth, I don't even like her as much as I liked the other doc, but she's gaining my trust... slowly but surely. Don't give up finding a doc you like - it will happen!

Yeah... I am scared to go to the doctor.... It is odd for me 'cause I've never been afraid of going to the doctor.

However, I've been consistent over the years with fearing people who are supposed to help me.... There was a fire alarm in the apartment complex where I was a few years ago. The next door neighbor must have left stuff on the stove & there was a ton of smoke. Due to the people & commotion in the hall way, I stayed in apartment but near the door in case I had to run out of there. The people in the hallway frightened me more than the smoke & possible fire next door.

Back to the freak accident, I spoke to my brother recently & when he heard I fell in the shower, he actually asked me if I were okay. It was sort of like, "Huh?" I asked him why he was so alarmed & he was like people have died from falling in the shower, so I was like, "Oh...."

It was incredibly uncharacteristic of my brother to show concern. It's hard to believe he would want me alive. I am not saying he's evil or any thing & that he would want me dead. It's just that we usually don't get along or talk. I think our conversation the other day is the 1st one for the year.

I am going to say something here because I have been on edge of late & I need to admit it some place. The other day I had some chest pain/discomfort where breathing became a little strained. (If I lay down, I had no problems. That was on the 22nd.) The whole thing lasted for some hours. My arm was somewhat numb + tingled. My arm or leg tingling is sort of the norm for me; it happens pretty regularly & has happened for years.

If I remember correctly, the discomfort started shortly after I had been upset that day. I had been managing to derail my anger, but I lost it that day (& over something sort of simple & trivial now, I guess). My anger bubbled over + I sort of had a fit. I was also pretty hyper that day also.

I have been feeling tired like lethargic/groggy (like someone's been drugging me for the last few days). The most disturbing part about the whole thing was about a few hours after the start of the chest pain, I asked myself, "Did I just have a heart attack?"

The grogginess went away temporarily when I drank some tea that is pretty similar to taking aspirin. I am tired/lethargic again (& I took a nap today, but it is late). I looked up my symptoms & it seemed as though if something is wrong, it will be either with my brain or my heart (or maybe even both). I'm not sure, though.

In another post today, I said I overloaded, but it's really that my premonition/insight ability was like an alarm ringing all day long.

I also noticed the other day I can't take vibration. Sounds odd, don't it?.... but my body/heart can't seem to stand the vibration from speakers (loud music) or the vibration from having the fan on high & being near it. Isn't that something?

Well, I guess the doctor really is calling me now.... (but before that, it's off to sleep....)

((((((((((((((((((((( crystalgaze )))))))))))))))))))))))))))

First I need to say i am not a professional in any manner. Okay? Just a person that has lived through several heart attacks.

My suggestion to you, no matter the fear you have with seeing a doctor, is to make that appointment with your general health care doctor. Write all this down, the fall, the pains you went through, anything that has been happening from a headache to an ingrown toe nail. This way, you won't be so nervous where you might forget something. Put your trust in the care of this person and get yourself checked out. Please.

I have a heart condition, not a fun thing to deal with daily, but one I do. I felt like a child just complaining about things in the beginning with this problem, there were several issues going on in my life. I put things off and then I put things off again, for I was to busy 'taking care' of other problems, serious medical issues of another person. They depended on me. Eventually, my putting things off landed me in the ICU.

Like so many, I dislike going to the doctor, I dislike crowds, all the things that seem to go with depression and anxiety. But now, with my putting my faith in the heart specialist I know what is happening and will happen eventually.

Please, listen to your body, it lets you know when things aren't right. Don't ignore it, seek help and get answers. As said, a suggestion from me to you, a strong suggestion.

As for your brother, let me share something with you. My brother was one that didn't always show his love. Just the way he was, one of those that felt 'men aren't to cry, show emotions, give hugs, say I love you', but he did love me. We had a secret word that stood for 'I love you'. No one knew what we meant when we said it to each, but we did. I lost him to cancer. But I have the memories of that 'secret word' and to this day I smile when I think of it or hear that word in conversation. Point is, I believe your brother was letting you know he does care, worry and loves you. Something to think about, perhaps?

Take care of yourself....

Warmie/Jeanie

Well, I feel a little better today....

((((((((((((((((((((( Warmie )))))))))))))))))))))))))))

I did do my classic yellow pages consultation for a doctor. There are nothing but men.... T.T

I wanted to go to a female doctor, but that's okay. There are some choices. I found some general practitioners/family practice type people.... (I don't know if I should go to the cardiologist. Actually as I think about it.... I guess I would need both at this point--1 for yearly checkup/physical/blood work + the fall in the shower, the other for the chest pain.)

I probably need about 3 to 4 more, but I guess I better not get ahead of myself. (Neurologist.... Therapist.... Nutritionist/Weight Loss Specialist?... Gynecologist/Women's Issues Specialist....)

I guess I'm going to look up a few more doctors.....

There is a bit of a family feud at the moment. That's why I said what I said about my brother. It would be more favorable for him, if I died, in terms of what he would inherit. Frankly, how I feel about the whole thing is to just give it to him any way; I feel it is a curse.

If I don't call, he won't call + if he does call, then it's because he wants something. That's really about the only time he will call. His actions over the years has shown he doesn't give 2 hoots about me or any one else in the "family". Like my mom, he always puts his friends above family.

When I suicided, he was silent. In fact, he had quite negative things to say about me & still does. He doesn't do it to my face, though; he does it behind my back. One time for no reason, he was about to beat me down while I was walking away from him (& I really hadn't done any thing to him, other than to ask him to not cough on me). I am tired. I really don't have any more energy to expend on the bull.

As much as I would love to believe this beautiful display of love, I am a bit skeptical.

I know why I procrastinate going to the doctor. It's a really ugly truth--one that stares me in the face, whether I want to look at it or I don't want to look at it. I didn't lose my death wish. It has never gone any where. It's just been very dormant. While I WILL NOT raise my hand against myself again, I wouldn't mind being gone. (This is how I feel; there's no glorification here.)

It's a crummy way to feel.... I just go 1 day at a time with it.

The other reason I procrastinate is that I really don't want to bother my family with it. Yes, they would want me alive, but I am tired of relying on them as heavily as I am doing. They have been more than kind while I try to get better. I've gotten somewhere, but I'm not there yet. It's okay. I feel that I will get wherever it is I'm going some day & be able to look back + laugh about all of it.

I don't have any insurance at the moment, so that's a factor in not running to the doctor. There's only but so much money I get per month, so I really have to plan things out + budget. I just went shopping for necessities mostly & there are other things still for me to get from K-Mart. They will have to wait, as I don't have the means by myself to get them right now. I haven't depleted my entire stock yet, so I'm still good.

Indeed I could use my credit cards, but I don't want to get in over my head. I surely don't want to run up bills for any one else to pay. I'm not very badly off, as what I charged just now when I went shopping, I do have the money to pay for it. I saved up for a few months, though. I am making it work & I'm proud of myself for doing so. It's still not on my own, but it's less reliance.

As much as my family appears to be 1 way, they are only ever really ready to help me with something if there is a crisis & then because they panic, they run around like a bat out of hell + pressure me unnecessarily. The pattern is redundant by now. Otherwise, they're very silent. It's absolutely okay. It is up to me to do what needs to be done for me.

That's really because they don't really understand my condition & I am tired of trying to explain it. I am tired of talking, so they watch me & I watch them & it's all good. I do not feel they are really supportive of me where I need it, but I know they're not equipped + as such, I really can't blame them.

At this point, all I can really say is: "Thank goodness for the neighbor's dogs (whom I call White Paw + Brown Paw). Those dogs have helped me through some tough times." I am happy with just seeing them run across the yard + then there's the neighbor's cat that loves to be up in the tree outside in the backyard. They help me keep my sanity.

I hope I will soon read that you have gone to the doctor. Seriously, between the fall and the heart issue you really need to go. Please don't put it off. If you have to go to a man for now, I think you should go ahead and go. You can look for a female once you have had these urgencies looked at.

((((Jeanie)))) So sorry to hear about your heart problems, but also very glad that you are ok and still with us writing here.

Gaze... not much to add about the heart problems that Jeanie has not already addressed. I can only reiterate that you should see a doctor - PRONTO. Better safe than sorry, as they say.

I have to tell you that I see a woman doctor now, but the best doctor I ever had was a man. I still miss him! Gaze - it doesn't matter what gender a doctor is - all that matters is his or her expertise and bedside manner.

Jeanie - great story... very touching. It's nice to have a beautiful memory to hold on to. So glad that you do.

Aim,

Thank you, but got the heart thing it in hand, well the specialist does. Know what will eventually happen and will deal with it then.

Thank you also for reading, have lost people I love to death and then just lost people that I love. Life changes, goes on. All I know.

Jeanie

The freak accident this time is that I got up in the dark one night & went to wipe my face... Somehow, I dropped my glasses, couldn't catch them midair like I'm normally able to & one of the lens ended up popping out of the frame.

That has never happened to me in my life, but I guess there's a 1st time for every thing.

Edit: Oh yeah, the other day I felt like I would seize (have a seizure), so I just sort of relaxed + cooled out as much as possible. I can't really describe that feeling, but I just feel strange & when it happens, I make sure to be careful--like not drive or operate machinery where I could hurt myself if something went wrong. I believe I was triggered by this oil I used on an Aroma Stone diffuser to deodorize/freshen up my room. It didn't quite smell right & I couldn't have that. (I just did some cleaning, but have to do more & am not up to it right this minute.)

I mixed some of my essential oils, so that one probably had in Spike Lavender which is said to be a trigger for seizures. I try not to have things around that could set me off, but I do love lavender & when I 1st got the oils, Spike was part of a set.

Otherwise, I make sure to keep that stuff away from me.

Edit#2: Today is a hard day. My stomach + bowels are feeling unwell again. I actually wanted to get some stuff done, but I just didn't feel so great. Oh boy.... I tried looking up nutritionists here because I think I might need that + maybe a gastroenterologist or whatever it is they're called..... Ugh.... I am already so exhausted from my body doing me this today. I believe I will be okay, though, so to it.

Edit #3: I forgot to mention that peppermint tea + chamomile tea have been helping my stomach as well.... ~sigh~ It's off to brew some tea.... Sometimes, I get tired of this routine. It almost feels like a prison/cage.

Hey gaze - you do have some strange accidents, huh? Seems like you have a sense of humor about it though, which is very very good!

Are you prone to seizures? Why would you be triggered?

Yes, I believe I'm prone to seizures. I had a few of them years ago in 2004. That's part of what has thrown me off balance. I was on medication for that & somewhere in between taking the meds, something happened to me.

(I can't have sage tea/use sage oil; that can really be a trigger (in addition to spike lavender). I made a mistake one day about a year or 2 ago & drank some sage tea. Boy, did I regret that....)

I just sort of know to lay off of whatever it is I'm doing because it's just a weird feeling I get.

Tingles in my arms + legs (not as constantly like restless leg/arm syndrome, I don't think), some numbness, grogginess, lots more involuntary muscle twitches, etc. It's as though I would lose all control over my body (like my body is not even my own).

I've been looking it up a little more & apparently, absense seizures exist. (You have a seizure but you don't black out/lose consciousness.) I took all the medicine I was supposed to have taken for the condition. I may need more meds in the future; I don't know , but I hope not....

I'm getting there.... I have not stopped looking for a doctor. I'm going to try to talk to some people to see if they know any thing. I tried the yellow pages.... I didn't have much luck, so I'm just doing some research at this point.

~lol~ & yes, my freak accidents are something else. I have just sort of accepted it's a bit of a fact of life for me. I do try to be careful, but then, I do have these sorts of things that happen, in spite of how I try.

~shrugs~ I don't know what to do. It usually doesn't last long, but I guess it will mix things up every now + then. ~lol~ I am reduced to saying, "Oh well...." The only reason I manage is I literally am just like "This is whack, man! Later for this...."

We must accept ourselves for who we are - even if accident prone is one of the descriptions!

Keep up the search for a doctor, ok? You will find one that you can trust, and that you genuinely like, ok? Keep us posted on that one!

I will & thank you for all of your support!

On a different note, I was a little frustrated/annoyed/peeved with what's been happening & how physically "sick" I've been lately. I did notice something today that I am rolling around in my mind. It might have been an important clue.

I am in the process of doing something about it. I will post about it, after I have my results to let you all know what happened.

Again, thank you for your support.

P.S. As I'm writing this, I do feel a bit sad, but I don't know why. It feels like I will be going very far away soon. Argh.... I guess I'm a little emotional right this minute. Don't worry I'm not about to do any thing rash, but my instincts are sort of going haywire. I feel like something bad is about to happen.

I have been having some problems sleeping at night, but I will work on it.

Edit: I am okay. I got my glasses fixed. I've been up since 12AM. I went to the Post Office. I went to the bank. I stopped by the car repair shop quickly. I went to the computer repair shop + visited my tech friend. (Um.... I needed help removing a screw. I was SO embarrassed! Hhmm, I gotta go back to lifting weights again (dumbbells + maybe the kettle ones); my arms have to be absolute mush that I can't get out a screw.... T.T Oh noes! )