What If...3

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Tealeaves
Posts: 75
Joined: Wed May 05, 2021 3:54 am

What If...3

Postby Tealeaves » Mon Jan 09, 2023 1:12 am

Incoherent coded babbling
(Shh, it's a secret)

Don't just tell me it's raining ...tell me why it's raining don't just tell me I'm sick... tell me why I'm sick.

Why brain fog? Why do you know how to operate the washing machine one day but, the next day you forget...?
You walk up to the machine and it's like you don't know what you're looking at or, you've forgotten step 1, and step 3.
Why...how is it possible to forget something you already know... especially when tomorrow you'll actually remember...all the steps.

(( am I allowed to say random things in the chat room? I mean people say random things all the time but ... I don't know... I want to say things that make people question what depression really is... but I don't want to break any rules and yet, at the same time actually... I do want to break all the rules))
... I need to break the rules...))

The brain fog is your brain trying to protect you... but like an overprotective mother, it's doing it all wrong...even backwards...which just ends up harming you.

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Did you know there are people out there that are still suffering from depression, even though, they are not actually depressed?
...because you can't teach an old dog, new tricks.
You want the functional part of the brain to change something ...then you have to find something that makes functional sense... It doesn't have to make sense to you... it has to make sense to your brain.

( yes I know that's sounds crazy but unfortunately, I don't have any examples at this time but when I do, I'll add them)

Actually I kind of do have an example but...no actual proof of it but I'll give you example anyway.

My whole life I've loved swimming but I have issues with what I call big water. Shallow end I'm cool but as soon as I jump into the deep end I freak out. I know how to swim, self taught, but still I freak. And I'm kind of an idiot because I know it's going to happen but I jump in anyway.
Fast forward few summers back I was at a lake with my sister and my friend. After we finish playing with all the kids and the shallow area we agreed to go out to the deeper area... I left my floaty behind...
We got outaways and as always I started freaking out... like forgetting steps 2 and 4 of the 'how to swim manual.' As I freaked out my friend looked at me and asked "what are you doing, what's wrong?" I told her, as I began clinging to her " I told you I'm scared of big water." "Oh I thought you were kidding" she said, letting me cling to her, as she led me back to the beach. She didn't say anything more about it but I have felt embarrassed. It was the first time in my adult life that I really noticed it.
Fast forward maybe a few weeks, not sure. I was sitting in my parents garage (don't ask) thinking about my little issue...when something came to me. I don't know how I did it but somehow I talked to a part of my brain that normally, I can't talk to.
Suddenly, a memory played in my mind. Now this was a memory that I have recalled throughout my years, many times, without any problems.
( I was a kid (maybe 6,7,8) on camping trip. There was a lake that my brothers and I were swimming in. They could swim I could not but I had a floaty. Out in the lake there was a wooden platform, anchored in place. My brothers, including children at the same campground, we're all taking turns pushing each other off of the platform. I climbed up and some kid pushed me in. I went under. I don't know how long I was under but I know that I started losing consciousness because the world started fading. I could see the chains holding this big wooden platform in place and they started fading from my vision. It was like in the movies where you see those shipwrecks and there's rusted chains with all the gunk on them and stuff...yeah, like that. Just before I lost consciousness one of my brothers grabbed me and pulled me back up. I lived... well obviously right or, I wouldn't be typing this right now.
Anyfoo, I've been able to recall that memory with no problem, all my life.
That day in the garage, something changed. It was the same memory and everything played the same until I went under. In this memory when I went under I saw nothing but darkness... because my eyes were closed.
When I came out of that memory (still sitting in my parents garage) I realized that that memory was the true memory because... I never open my eyes underwater. Still this day unless I truly have a reason where I need to do so, I do not open my eyes underwater. I realized that the chains that I was seeing you know the ones that look like they do in a movie... they were exactly that. My mind had added that visual in, probably from a movie I saw, most likely pirates of the Caribbean just cuz... I like pirates.
Another thing I noticed... I had never realized how quickly I could always recall that memory until now. The moment I need that information it was there 100%...or so I thought. It was like it was waiting on the tip of my mind for the moment it was needed. Every detail where when how, crystal clear... or so I thought. That day in the garage, when that memory changed and, played its true self we'll say...it faded. It became like other memories that I have... somewhere in the background of my mind, not so easy to recall... almost as if it was now filed away in the correct file drawer and that drawer was closed.

It was such a cool experience I thought I do it a few more times and it worked! I thought I had invented a new psychological thing then I found out later, I hadn't (regression therapy or something) oh well...

Now you may believe in Santa but as for me and grandpa we both agree... something happened that day
Lol, just kidding sorry it's getting late and I think I'm getting tired. So I'll get on with my point.

So basically I figured out that even though I know how to swim... I never officially learned how to swim. The part of me that almost drowned that day... inside my mind got stuck. What is... that day, I could not swim.
So even though now I know how to swim...fact...that day I did not. Since I never officially learned how to swim, a part of my brain still believes that I cannot.

So as I said earlier, I have not actually been able to prove if I'm... we'll say cured or not. Just the memory fixing itself may or, may not have been enough ( because, adult me and kid me, are now on the same page)
If I'm not fixed, then here's a couple possibilities:
1. I could take a swimming course
2. Or maybe just a swimming certificate showing my name and the fact that I can swim.
(Seeing is believing, because no matter who you are there is a part of your brain that, seeing is believing and that is the only way it will believe... and remember another part of your brain works the opposite... No matter who you are)

Those two points I can actually prove.

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You know when you're really hungry and then all of a sudden a little upset happens in your life and suddenly ...na, you're not hungry anymore.
How is that possible? Your body needs fuel, it's telling you it needs to fuel.
It's called the pause and yes it's a real thing... don't believe me...

Remember the English monster...
You know when you were a kid and the teacher looked at you and said, whenever you hear something pronounced incorrectly you get that funny feeling, well that funny feeling is the English monster

Same thing happens when somebody says something incorrect math wise. You know, like 1+1=4

...no, 1+1=2 but I'm only adding that correction because there are actually some people in the world that would be going nuts or, at least they'd be thinking I was nuts. Either way it would bother them until it was corrected. (Knock knock, Penny, Penny, Penny...what is it Sheldon!)

Yup, all the above is...the pause

We'll talk more about the pause later I need sleep lol you know how I know because the hat I got for Christmas is too big is playing in my head

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