Depression Understood Forums

I genuinely hate myself. I dont know how to change who I am. I am disgusted by the person i have become. I try so hard to be kind but i must not do a good job because other people do not like me. I have failed at everything i try and am lazy even though i try to not be. I cannot do anything right and i wish i did not exist. How do i start fixing myself? I need to change everything about me. I am a gross person. How do you change who are? I dont know how I got this far off track. I thought I was teaching myself how to do the things I wanted to be but I look at myself and I am none of them.

I just need help and to tell someone because I can't tell anyone this in my life.

I was in this state months ago. Sure had friends and family trying their best to pull me out of the "mess" I consider myself in, but to no avail. Hated to see myself in the mirror even. Wasn't sure of anything but one, "I deserve better". I deserve a better life, in general. I'm thankful for the love and care am getting but somehow, doesn't help not even a bit. Then I realized I shouldn't depend on anyone to pull me out, I need to crawl myself.

Ambitious as it may sound but, this is what motivates me. I want better things! I no longer question my decision. I do what I think will do me good. I know my limit though, we all should. Doesn't matter what you decide on doing, do it. If it was the "wrong" thing to do then bare the consequences , cry if you have to and move on.

I'm still not there yet, but I know I want out. I still don't like what I see in the mirror, but I do my best to. My life after all , yeah?

If it helps - you're definitely not alone with how you're feeling. I've gotten into this state myself lately and pushed the few people that actually cared away because of it. Self loathing is a symptom of depression and low self esteem. You can always tell your GP how you are feeling and depending on where you are I'm sure there might be access to free counselling (IAPT in the UK for example)

But most importantly, don't give up on yourself. You can get to where you want to be, it's just not going to be a quick fix unfortunately.

Somethingbad wrote:I genuinely hate myself. I dont know how to change who I am. I am disgusted by the person i have become. I try so hard to be kind but i must not do a good job because other people do not like me. I have failed at everything i try and am lazy even though i try to not be. I cannot do anything right and i wish i did not exist. How do i start fixing myself? I need to change everything about me. I am a gross person. How do you change who are? I dont know how I got this far off track. I thought I was teaching myself how to do the things I wanted to be but I look at myself and I am none of them.

Dont hate yourself. Everybody has failures, and when you fall just get back up. If you hate yourself, your only going to make things worse. naturally people love someone that has self love, women are really attracted to that. Im not saying be full of pride, but im saying believe in yourself and your ability. You have to break a few eggs to make a cake.