I'm slowly losing all my friends due to my actions

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I'm slowly losing all my friends due to my actions

Postby Okin » Tue Jun 19, 2018 4:23 pm

I really dont know how to do this, this being my first message here. I just feel like I need someones help or at the very least an opinion of someone who does not see me and my friends on daily basis.

I dont have any irl friends. All of them are online, that I've known for max year and a half. But they're the best ones I ever had, couldnt really ask for anything more. All expect for one live in totally different countries and we most likely wont ever meet face to face. Still, they're the main reason that makes me smile anytime we do something together. When I'm with them I really feel like my life has a meaning, I'm actually enjoying it.

The problem is with my best friend. It's like I act like I want to own her.. when I dont. I go crazy whenever she spends time with her other friends, eventhough I'm the one she spends the most time with, well me and her boyfriend, who I'm also good friends with. Before someone thinks that.. you're falling for her, catching the feels, you know whatever. I really am not. I love the time we spend together with her and her bf, as we make a funny group whether its playing video games, watching movies, being in a group call when one of us goes grocery shopping and just chatting about life..

I'm not jealous of her bf one bit. I love the guy, no homo. :mrgreen: And I love her, as a friend. The problems start, whenever theres someone else. Who is also a friend to her. I dont know how many talks we've had in a year of me basically going crazy because she chose to spend few hours with somebody else, maybe its a person I dislike, maybe its not. She tells me that I'm the most important person in her life after her bf and all her actions towards me support that. She tells me I'm her best friend. We share our thoughts daily, good ones and bad ones. One of us feels down, the other is there to listen.

I'm telling myself that "yeah there is no need to worry, eventhough she spends time with other people, it does not mean that she does not care about me".

Then next week it happens again. We're currently fighting again, for the same reason. And I know that we're gonna work it out. But if I keep acting like this.. at some point she has to cut me loose, right? I want to change. I dont want to fight with my best friend every week over something so small. What do I do? How do I improve myself in these situations? I should be happy for her having other friends.. Instead I'm acting like a total douchebag.

I do have a history of my friends just replacing me with someone else, but it does not give me the right to treat her like that.
Last edited by Okin on Wed Jul 18, 2018 4:13 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Joined: Wed Jun 20, 2018 3:18 pm
Location: Greece

Re: I'm slowly losing all my friends due to my actions

Postby sofia8687 » Wed Jun 20, 2018 4:38 pm

Hello Okin..
I am nowhere near to an expert's abilities to state a helpful opinion but I feel like I should at give you my personal view on the matter..
I have had a familiar experiense in my life with a person I had known almost my entire life..(Unrerevant information but Iam trying to make a point) We were besties you could say having at the time the same interests and hobbies,spending almost all day together etc..When we went to Highschool things ..changed you could say..Now you need to know that I wasnt a girl that was asking to be in the center of attention
I was pretty laid back,cheerfull and very sociable at the time,but mainly I was happy with REAL friends..Anyway she started having 'friendships'with people I had a feeling that didnt have always the 'good intentions' you could say (very stereotype popular kids you see in movies and such..) I went along with her and her new 'friends' for at least a year and a half,trying to be open minded of different people and personalities..Unfortunately (for me) I started to focus my interests in what she would find enjoyable in a very Desperate way..my only purpose was how I could find a way to spend time with her (I wont say ,just like you and your female friend's friendship ,because I do not know you in person and I dont know in what ways you are both handling your friendship's problems,I am just stating my opinion.)I started isolating myself from socialising and keeping friends with the people I was friends with was a chalenge since they had friends of their own..I lost interest in many things I enjoyed doing and ultimaly I became the last friend company she could have on her daily agenda..(Very touching and dramatic I know *sarcasm to break the ice :wink: *)I became a very clingy type of a fiend that stayed quiet in the background
Ultimately we parted after a very long time of her using me as a last resort friend and my being isolated and more quiet every passing day as well as her ignoring me.. I believe that your current friendship has a lot of potential to withstand your problem as long as you have both acknoweleged it and maintain a sort of routine ( I'll explain in a sec..) As you may have guessed it b now yes i have depression and I try to deal with it ,not with proffecionals but I am working on it..Whenever I feel alone worthless ,empty and unmotivated I research about things and hobbies that I may enjoy and try them out in person if i dont i move to the next one and so own but the I give them time and a change at the very least it isnt easy but it gives you something to keep yourself preocupied with other things as well..Well I dont mean start someething new immediately ,you could dedicate your time you are not with your friend to yourself if you alredy have a hobby do more of it,if you are doing a sport do that (now if you cant do either or you can do it in very specific times you can research about it or other stuff online I personally do that a lot ,play a video game that you like time really flies when you play I am sure you are aware of that or hlp someone youknow in any way you can ...Basically anything to keep You peocupied and not have you feeling that you are pressuring your friend and jeopardising your friendship with her.You could also have a sort of daily/weekly schedule with her I dont know how usefull you are going to find it but I 'll sugest it anyway..according to your daily scedule you could text each oter at specific times of the day and you could meet for a coule of hours(if possible of course)so you can both catch up and spend time together. after she leaves you can focush on other stuff as I suggested above until the next day when (i possible again text and meet her again)
Now I honestly do not know if any of thhelp I suggested is useful to you ,i really hope they give you an impression of what I think is the best approach to tackle your problem ..And please keep in mind that it wont be easy to start immediately and I dont say that it will definately work but hey..You are trying to solve a problem and solutions arent always easy to find soooo yeah..
Anyway i really would like you to know that it is important that you both talk about this ,you said you fight sometimes but I am sure that if you both trying a solution,it may come faster than when you are the only one that is trying..
I hope you take care and keep on trying if you'd like I would really appresiate it if you replied saying if it helped you or not..
PS: IT IS OK to be upset whenever she hangs out with somebody else ,I think if you try to talk with her and ask her to explain things from her perspective you may understand her and the situation better..

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Re: I'm slowly losing all my friends due to my actions

Postby CamGirl » Thu Aug 02, 2018 5:05 am

have a hobby and meet other people

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