speechless

[abbymarie]

I'm getting bad again, and am falling back into my old ways. I don't want to be like this, and I want to tell people, but I can't. It's not that I physically can't, but I don't want to burden them. I don't want to burden anyone. I want to tell someone to tell someone, not to tell them so that they know. I hope that makes sense... I just don't know what to do. I don't want to do anything anymore, and I no longer really care about anything, except my friends. That's it.

[henchman21]

I can relate... in not wanting to burden anyone.... having said that though, it seems that you really need to get it out.

[Helloraspberries1]

Sorry to hear how your feeling right now. You have made the first step contacting us. You should be proud of yourself.

Remember everyday is a progress. Even though you may not feel like your moving forward but slowly you are. Little baby steps is the key.

If you feel you got more energy some day try and do something you normally wouldn't do like making a cup of tea or putting washing out. Just small little steps.

Also writing can help. Monitor your mood on a daily basis and write down each day how you feel for two weeks and see if there's a pattern.

Remember were here if you need us.

[abbymarie]

Thanks, helloraspberries1, I will try to do those things you have suggested. Hopefully, they will help.

[CitM]

The fact that you care about your friends is a good sign. It means that the depression hasn't won. It won't win either, as long as you keep committed to your friends and then reach out from there.

Post here a couple of times a month and people know how you are doing. Get more sunshine into your skin (not toxic amounts) but get some sunlight every day. It does help.

[sunnysidedown89]

I understand what you're saying. I struggled with that for a long time (and still do).

I have one friend that I can count on to cry to, but I'm worried about the toll on her.

My other friends. They don't seem to get it. They just blink at me and tell me that they're worried I'm not getting the help I need.
Which I interpret as a way of saying "I can't handle this."

Because I'm not getting the help I need, but you know what- it's hard. Even with insurance, it's hard to go from therapist to therapist, you invest all this time, it's not until after a whole season that you can figure out if it's a good fit or not. Same with meds. I tried meds, and they were just f****** awful, and my therapist just sat back and said "better living through chemistry." (they did help with my workplace anxiety, but kicked off increased somnolence and some anhedonia that I still haven't overcome)

In the end, it feels like I don't have a choice but to keep myself in "protective isolation.".... but I recommend talking to your friends. Even if they make sad faces of empathy, and it makes you feel bad because you feel like you're making them sad... maybe they can relate! Maybe they've been going through a hard time too. Because that's one thing I've found, I'm not the only one who's been feeling like this. In the US, a lot of us feel like it's the end of the world, and what's been going on politically has had a profound affect on our individual psychiatric state. I found a number of my aquaintence type friends have been holed up and isolated. One of them said "I feel like I'm buffering."

So speak up- when you connect with someone who can relate, it's a weight off. (like one book out of a book bag... the book bag's still there, and it's still heavy, but less so)

Anyway- I'm glad you posted on here. I've been going through it too.