Depression Understood Forums

That gnawing feeling that you are always doing something wrong.
That everything you do is not right and met with silent disapproval.

To nova-off the sense of always being wrong; of doing it wrong; of disapproval. To burn-off the want for constant habitual approval.

A pain that is not needed or wanted, but yet I create. How stupid is that?

But then, there are brief instances when... there is no pain. And then I realize, "the pain isn't here." And I try to hold on to that. And it ends up leaving anyway.

Then another instant, somewhere, sometime, I realize again, "pain isn't here." And I note that it has happened again.

Then in a bright clear space as the cloudless sky, in a profound sense of self-honesty: "I don't have to be in pain."

Now, when I start to crawl back into my shell... under my rock, I take stock of my recent past. Of the times when pain wasn't here. And there is a quietly strong voice, "I don't have to be in pain. There is no need to accept this."

The spear-tip gets blunted and sheared away in another direction.

nenkohai,

I really don't know what to say for this or any useful advice, but I don't think its stupid. I don't think it's possible for a way that we feel to be stupid it just is how we feel. That being said I don't think we have to continue to feel that way, and cycles can be broken.

Just mostly wanted to say I feel for you and hope it gets better soon.

Thank you for your note, Starsfalltoo....

I'd love to invite you to re-read my post, in totality; I think you'll discovery that my tone is far less self-loathing than it may seem (at first).

Kindly,

n