There has to be someone else that's going through this too
Posted: Tue Apr 26, 2016 1:11 am
I'm just writing on here, to see if anyone else is dealing with what I am, and if so, how do they deal with it, and is there a name for it.
For nearly four years, I've been experiencing these fits of hysterical crying and nearly uncontrollable talking- they're awful, from panicked wailing and whimpering to top of my lungs screeching. It only really happens when I feel like I've let someone down by doing something carelessly or wrong, so it doesn't happen when I'm on my own. After dealing with this for years, I can get myself to calm down by going by myself, but I know it's going to come back, and fairly soon, usually within a few weeks if I'm lucky, sometimes as soon as a few days. Also, I get this feeling like I'm terrified to be alone at the time, so that makes it hard to excuse myself. It only happens when I'm at home, luckily not in public. I'm twenty-eight years old, I don't care, it's not a normal thing to keep happening.
So I thought, must be a panic attack of some kind, but I've read about them, and it really doesn't feel like how those are described. My family says it's almost like a kid throwing a tantrum, and they don't seem to believe me that I feel like I can't control it, so I looked into adult tantrums and intermittent explosive disorder- but those all sound like they come from anger and frustration- I'm not angry when this happens, I feel humiliated and hopeless and desperate, not angry. Besides, all the info about that seems to be to help family members calm down an adult tantrum thrower- there's nothing about calming YOURSELF down during an adult tantrum- besides, my family is so thoroughly disgusted when I do the fits, they sure aren't going to do anything to calm me down. But there's got to be something that describes what I'm going through- I know this isn't a normal thing, I know my friends aren't sitting at home hysterically crying, their horrified family cowering and pleading for them to stop. To be honest, what does make me angry is that usually there is a term for something that keeps specifically happening over a long term, and said thing doesn't feel at all manageable, but there doesn't seem to be any term for what I'm dealing with. Do other people feel the same way I do all the time, but they just instinctively know how to manage it, and I don't?
So yeah, not panic attack, not angry so not a tantrum, yet feel very little control when it happens, and no control at all about making it stop happening. I'm sorry about the length of this post, but does this happen to anyone else on here? Or does this ring a bell for anyone?
For nearly four years, I've been experiencing these fits of hysterical crying and nearly uncontrollable talking- they're awful, from panicked wailing and whimpering to top of my lungs screeching. It only really happens when I feel like I've let someone down by doing something carelessly or wrong, so it doesn't happen when I'm on my own. After dealing with this for years, I can get myself to calm down by going by myself, but I know it's going to come back, and fairly soon, usually within a few weeks if I'm lucky, sometimes as soon as a few days. Also, I get this feeling like I'm terrified to be alone at the time, so that makes it hard to excuse myself. It only happens when I'm at home, luckily not in public. I'm twenty-eight years old, I don't care, it's not a normal thing to keep happening.
So I thought, must be a panic attack of some kind, but I've read about them, and it really doesn't feel like how those are described. My family says it's almost like a kid throwing a tantrum, and they don't seem to believe me that I feel like I can't control it, so I looked into adult tantrums and intermittent explosive disorder- but those all sound like they come from anger and frustration- I'm not angry when this happens, I feel humiliated and hopeless and desperate, not angry. Besides, all the info about that seems to be to help family members calm down an adult tantrum thrower- there's nothing about calming YOURSELF down during an adult tantrum- besides, my family is so thoroughly disgusted when I do the fits, they sure aren't going to do anything to calm me down. But there's got to be something that describes what I'm going through- I know this isn't a normal thing, I know my friends aren't sitting at home hysterically crying, their horrified family cowering and pleading for them to stop. To be honest, what does make me angry is that usually there is a term for something that keeps specifically happening over a long term, and said thing doesn't feel at all manageable, but there doesn't seem to be any term for what I'm dealing with. Do other people feel the same way I do all the time, but they just instinctively know how to manage it, and I don't?
So yeah, not panic attack, not angry so not a tantrum, yet feel very little control when it happens, and no control at all about making it stop happening. I'm sorry about the length of this post, but does this happen to anyone else on here? Or does this ring a bell for anyone?