Depression Understood Forums

... and I don't know why. Little things, I guess have piled-up over the last few days. Puts me in a nasty frame of mind. I hope it passes soon.

Piling up your anger only worsens how you feel. I have always done that. And look at how I turned up to be? I became depressed and self-harmed myself. It never passes, It just gets worse.

Hearts are breakable, it is true; you can’t be the same person again as you were before break-up.

For more quotes refer:love quotes

I'm angry all the time.
I became a bitter and hateful person, I hate a lot of things more and more and more as the years go by.
Is that normal?

<- Very bitter.

Booze ... usually makes me feel sick. Pretty sure this means that because I don't like the side-effects of alcohol, I'm not likely to become an alcoholic? I don't drink as much as I used to. Beers, sometimes. Amounts always vary, so when/if a doctor asks me how much I have, this always irritates the hell out of me. I usually just allow them to guess. Most doctors don't go for the "it varies" line. They expect you to give them either a precise amount or a general amount. ... The amount always varies. This is why I no longer discuss that topic with a doctor. Forget it. Not worth the headache.

It's probably a bad idea for me to ever ... ever ... drink again, really. Good chance I might have colon polyps, perhaps? I have severe, almost crippling constipation, and I cannot eat foods such as cheese or anything peanut. I went vegan because animal-based food makes me feel sick. No thanks to that ever again. Peanuts are vegan, however, but I still can't eat them without suffering from even worse bouts of constipation. I have a referral to see a GI, floating out there somewhere. Need to have a colonoscopy. 25 years old. Yeah.

I do not have the symptoms of IBS (or IBD?) but I know that I have lack of appetite, chronic constipation, and (some) bloating. I almost never have diarrhea. I can count on one hand in my whole life I've had diarrhea. The symptoms above are getting worse now. Interestingly, one reason I posted them is because I associate all of those symptoms with bitterness. Kinda hard to be happy when you can't use the toilet.

t/m/i? I'll stop.

*bitter face*

Not TMI

I just got reading a book called:

Gut: The Inside Story of Our Body's Most Underrated Organ by Giulia Enders.

Let me know what you think if you run across it.

Sad(?) thing is, since I feel so horribly, I have mostly lost interest in reading. It's all good and well, of course. Reading is ... enjoyable? Some say it's a hobby. I'd say it's a hobby, but it no longer feels good, just as most other things that used to feel good no longer feel good. ... Food feels good. I like it when I make a nice meal that is healthy, tastes great, and makes me feel satisfied. I wonder if I'll end up enjoying cooking ... if I can have the patience to make more intricate meals. Reading takes a lot of mental energy I no longer feel I have. All my mental energy is focus on daydreaming, as a from of escapism.

A lot of people seem to have this idea that I daydream because it has to do with anxiety. That I just "need to relax" and let go. Um, no. I still live in a hostile environment. What's more, daydreaming is a lot more to me than escapism. I sincerely believe that, when I daydream, I'm painting a better reality for myself. Sometimes it catches up to me, and other times, it doesn't. The best worlds are the ones we paint inside our minds, in the fashion that we desire them to be.

Yeah, if I had the mental energy, I should probably read that.

Are you familiar with that ... thing ... where bodily symptoms are related to issues with the mind? I swear, there's this funny idea ... that people who are uptight don't poop ... or is it bitter? Bitter/uptight = same idea, I like to think. Either way, I am bitter/uptight, and I hardly poop. Don't play. Don't have fun. Don't laugh a lot, unless it's sardonic laughter. I was traumatized as a child. The abuse I went through taught me that laughing and playing and having fun was dangerous. It taught me that it would make me physically vulnerable and that someone would do awful things to my body against my will. Can't post it.

I'll search the book title and read up a little on it. Thanks.