What IS the Point?

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nenkohai2
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What IS the Point?

Postby nenkohai2 » Wed Jul 08, 2015 9:44 am

I don't know.

I look around. And I have to shrug. I don't know.

SMH

I look around. For a point. For a purpose.

I look around.

I look around? I. LOOK. Around. Around. As in "outside of me." As in I'm looking for a reason external to myself.

And there it is, plain as day. Looking for a point outside of myself is a waste of time. I mean, history shows that. Loud and clear. I'm not finding the point by looking around. I can't find the point by looking at other people or things or places.

That road just leads to nihilism. Even to hate.

The point is internal. Inside. Purpose. Inside.

Now get the hell out of here.

LAVOS
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Postby LAVOS » Mon Nov 23, 2015 7:03 pm

Sounds like you're closer to finding answers than I am. While I do have ambitions, goals, dreams, etc., they all feel superficial. Not particularly materialistic; just that, when all is said and done, my achievements won't matter.

I try to keep my chin up, but I find myself thinking about how everything has no meaning. Given enough time, I will be forgotten. Same goes for anyone who'd be left to remember me. Not that I'm seeking a way out. In fact, like you, I'm seeking a way in. It's made worse by the fact that once you find yourself, you have to be able to face the world without losing yourself again.

nenkohai2
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Postby nenkohai2 » Tue Dec 08, 2015 5:14 pm

Lavos,

You seem quite self-aware, my friend. This is good. I know for me, though, my mind can be a real jerk, sometimes. In my wanderings, I came upon the Buddhist idea that "I am not my thoughts." Corollary to that: I am not my emotions. Thoughts and emotions change and pass.

I don't know if that helps you. It did me after I did lots of research on the ideas... (which meant a lot of reading and listening to speakers).

I hope you find some peace today, if only for a little while.

n

exit
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Postby exit » Tue Mar 08, 2016 11:59 pm

I am planning to check out in about 3 months. Before that I have a dream of traveling to South America and do one last backpacking trip. I am looking for a mature man who decided ti check out as well. If we would have a good connection, we would travel together and then end this journey together. I don't want to leave alone. I am planning on using the flow control helium kit. If you are interested in joining with me for a final trip towards a final exit- let me know.

good night dear souls

nenkohai2
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Postby nenkohai2 » Wed Mar 09, 2016 9:40 am

Exit,

I must object to your post. I've pledged to myself and Universe that I will not take my own life. So, it is not in my plans. Nor should it be in yours.

Your life's purpose and intent is defined by you - is the point of my original post. So many people mistakenly personify this thing called "life," as if something is owed them by it. In this view, there is no victim. People who believe themselves to be victims of "life," have a broken world view.

Personally, I believe the path of personal liberation starts with the idea that nothing is under control But, you CAN guide your inner universe - and THAT is where purpose resides.

Reconsider.

100footpole
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Postby 100footpole » Wed Mar 09, 2016 12:10 pm

I agree nenkohai2.

What is the purpose of performing a trip as a punctuation mark? Why not live life as much as you can however you can? This is certainly true with respect to communication, why ruminate and talk about the abstract when there is so much happening NOW? Why should I continue to worry about money when I have enough money for today? And RIGHT NOW I am as rich as anyone who is where I AM.

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specter
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Postby specter » Wed Mar 09, 2016 3:14 pm

There's a point, only if you want there to be a point.

As far as I'm concerned, there is no point because I don't want there to be a point. Did away with mine. Did away with a lot of things, and I will do away with everything until there is nothing left.

nenkohai2
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Postby nenkohai2 » Wed Mar 09, 2016 3:38 pm

I can understand how you have arrived there, Specter, after reading your background story. I understand how one could come to nihilism after the things you've experienced.

I think I can safely say that the majority of the world is not prepared to reinforce your depression. At least not in any intentional way. If you believe the world has denied you good things, why would you (not meaning you, Specter, in particular) believe the world would bother to prepare bad things for you? It doesn't. And if you/one believes that it does, then you give the world-at-large far too much credit.

Yes, there are circumstances and specific people in life. But the world just IS. Not good and not bad. or, Good AND bad, if you like.

One can choose to filter everything through "bad," but, I've found that as unsustainable. And the process to discover that is belied by a mere single sentence. You must be prepared to journey. Work. Process. Words many depressed people hate. perhaps then, one needs to come to the place where there is nothing else left to try. A better mind-set CAN be found. It can.

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specter
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Postby specter » Wed Mar 09, 2016 4:06 pm

People just love to think I think things that I don't think.

No. The world ... isn't really good or bad. It's painful. What's worse, it's unsuitable for human beings. We live here, and a lot of us can't take the pain, so we die here. Still, I can't wrap my mind around the folks who have lived for so long, not having a care in the world. The majority of the world is so dark and painful that human beings cannot even survive. How that 1. isn't apparent to other people, and 2. doesn't bother people in the slightest is beyond me. Can't figure it out.

You don't have to "reinforce" my depression. I don't make the claim that other people should. People are going to think what they think and feel what they feel, and there's not a single thing I can do about it. The idea that someone thinks I think otherwise is silly.

What is it with people who think I think the world is "out to get me"? The world doesn't care. How can someone, anything, really, be out to get anyone if they are too self-absorbed to notice anything else? It's funny how people end up thinking that about me. What's more, people also think that my pain is a "pity party". I only have hate for myself. Tell me, how can someone have self-pity if they hate themselves? If someone truly hates themselves, punishes themselves, and self-harms on a regular basis, what makes you think they think they are deserving of someone else's pity, let alone compassion? Either one. ... A person who truly hates themselves does not believe they deserve either one. And that's a good thing for people who do not have a high opinion of me, which would be a lot of people.

Serious question, someone please try to answer it: how is it possible for someone to hate themselves and have self-pity at the same time? If someone hates themselves, what would make them think they deserve pity? I do not understand this equation. :? Thank you.

Feeling miserable, in my eyes, is just good common sense. For people who think that's a sign of something "wrong" with me and that I should try to change it, or look for the positives, I really don't know what to tell you. Sorry. You choose to look at the world in a positive way, and I personally just don't want to have to look at the world at all.

Trying to change someone's mind can only go so far. It has it's limits.

100footpole
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Postby 100footpole » Thu Mar 10, 2016 12:01 pm

The editor just 8 the reply I spent 45 minutes writing Specter.

I see your point :( .

I won't try to write it again 8), but only because I just enjoyed the 45 minutes I spent, but I don't want to do it again.

Please continue to write, this is not a club where some of us are right and some of us are wrong. All of us are right, and sometimes we're wrong too.

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specter
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Know My Place

Postby specter » Thu Mar 10, 2016 1:38 pm

It's not about being "right or wrong". As a matter of fact, I'm probably always wrong. Based on the way everyone has viewed me my whole life, including here, I'm never right.

Feelings are more important than being "right or wrong". Sadly, that's not a priority for most people.

My posts aren't that great. I come here because I'm a lonely, pathetic loser. Thanks for reading, but at the end of the day, I'm not good enough for that, or for anything, for that matter.

I know my place.

nenkohai2
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Postby nenkohai2 » Thu Mar 10, 2016 5:54 pm

Why do so many people fear their magnificence when I can see it myself from here?

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specter
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Postby specter » Thu Mar 10, 2016 6:51 pm

What if your whole life was a lie? What if you thought so highly of yourself, only to find out that you were lying to yourself. That other people were allowing you to lie to yourself. Then, to top it all off, at a super weak area in your life, people told you "the truth" that you were not willing to look at, but in the back of your mind, you may have been aware of all along?

Imagine that these people were sort-of kind to you because they pitied you. Also, imagine that they spoke about you behind your back, talking about your weaknesses, but not saying any of it to your face. They might have hinted at it, but they wouldn't say it outright. Or they would say that you were imagining things, but condescend to you when you spoke to them.

And then they are out of your life, but you suddenly have this epiphany that they were correct, all these years, about you. And you have no choice but to face it all by yourself. No one else can understand, and no one else can care. Imagine all this for a minute.

That's what happened to me. And I do not want to be alive because of it.

My life is mostly a lie that I made up in my head. Any talents, strengths, and abilities were also, mostly, a lie. There were thoughts I had of myself that were not true. The people who made me aware of all of this have been and are doing far better in life than I am, and do not have to put up with any of the issues I happen to have. This whole life is a pure, living nightmare that I cannot wake up from, and the pain is driving me absolutely crazy.

nenkohai2
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Postby nenkohai2 » Fri Mar 11, 2016 10:48 am

I can not pretend to know what your situation has been Specter.However, I do strongly identify with the ideas of being lied to and lying to one's self.

You said that things were "mostly" a lie. Perhaps that is the wedge between the life of lies and a new reality. Parley those things into what is truth about you. That is, those things that are NOT lies. Build on them and with them.

I know it's possible someone may think I am being hopelessly optimistic. I assure you I am not Pollyanna. I was badly emotionally hurt and so very tired. I told myself, "I can't do this any more." I slowly began the work. I am still working. Hard - to be in a better place.

Sounds trite when put into words. The reality of it is that it's anything but trite. I think (maybe HOPE) everyone has their own individual moment of overthrowing the tyranny of depression and hopelessness. As individual as the grains of sand on a beach. Perhaps your moment is yet to come, Specter. Still, it IS a decision.

Prycejosh1987
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Re: What IS the Point?

Postby Prycejosh1987 » Sun Jun 07, 2020 12:44 pm

nenkohai2 wrote:I don't know.

I look around. And I have to shrug. I don't know.

SMH

I look around. For a point. For a purpose.

I look around.

I look around? I. LOOK. Around. Around. As in "outside of me." As in I'm looking for a reason external to myself.

And there it is, plain as day. Looking for a point outside of myself is a waste of time. I mean, history shows that. Loud and clear. I'm not finding the point by looking around. I can't find the point by looking at other people or things or places.

That road just leads to nihilism. Even to hate.

The point is internal. Inside. Purpose. Inside.

Now get the hell out of here.

Maybe you need to adjust your focus, when you look around for things.


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