Depression Understood Forums

I was listening to depressing songs earlier on and I thought to myself;
Why am I still here?
Why am I still fighting when I feel so weak?
Why am I not dead yet?
Why am I feeling so unhappy?
Then all of a sudden I started to cry and loads of bad thoughts were rushing though my head and it got all to much for me to handle I went to the bathroom looked myself in the mirror and all I could see was a monster starring back at me. What's that all about?
Then I went back to my room and stayed to harm myself and I cried and cried, the bad thoughts were getting the better of me. I couldn't control them, I was powerless, it was like my demons came out and took over my body and my power. It was horrible.

Now I feel so empty and feel so ashamed. Still crying now. I feel so guilty. I can't sleep, I feel so lost. Having flashbacks from earlier, I can feel my demons coming out again

Woke up with a lot of bad bad thoughts going round and round in my head. Woke up screaming and crying my eyes out as I thought it was a nightmare, when really it's reality. Who strange is that? I wonder hmm ...
Can't distract myself today, my head is a total mess can't think straight and feeling really really low and depressed.

HELP!!

I give up.
I've tried just about everything... I totally give up now. I just don't have any stengh within me to "fight" anymore. I am sorry!