I'm ugly and I've been told that I've been ugly many times before over and over growing up..
I'll be honest at first it hurt and I cried the first time I was told that I was and that was when I was small and over the years after getting told that I was out of nowhere people kept telling me how pretty I am and I don't believe them at all I sometimes ask them why do you have to lie to me and ask them why are they making jokes about the way I look. I don't believe it and honestly I don't believe I ever will. I don't feel beautiful nor do i think I look it and ever for my ex boyfriend it bothers him that I don't believe it and I tell him why I don't believe it and he just says it's because those people especially my parents and sister who've been miserable want to make everyone around them feel bad about themselves which I guess it is true especially all they've done my entire life was treat me badly and never really cared about me but themselves....
Is their a way for me not to think this way? When someone has called me ugly now these days I have no expression on my face and it doesn't affect me and all I do is agree and it mostly confuses them
Can anyone help? Give me advice or anything?
Thank you in advance
I'm ugly..
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Hi LadySith,
I'm afraid I don't know how you can move past this, I'm fairly sure you can, but I don't know how. What I can tell you is that at 55 I still live with the young boy I once was. My family was always good to me and to this day I know that they love and accept me as I a. Sounds good I know, but for me, it was my peers in sschool who had such a negative effect on my self image. As a big kid I was often confronted by those who wanted to dominate those around them. I hated confrontation and never really stood up for myself.
As a result I've gone through life believing that I was weak and have always tried to be liked by going along with whatever the others around me wanted to do and never standingup for mmyself when I felt wronged.
What I'm left believing is that many of us have trouble growing past our own childhood. How can you believe that you are not ugly? I don't know you, but I seriously doubt I'd agree with the conception of yourself you hold. But my telling you that won't convince you, so how to improve your ego. I wish I could put my arms around you and kiss you on the head, as I would one of my own children. That wouldn't work either though, but a friendly shoulder couldn't hurt.
Be aware that the image you hold of yourself is bound to be flawed. That you really are more attractive than you imagine, just as I am stronger and better than I am afraid I am. It is the difference between what we "know" on an intellectual level and what we "believe" on a more emotional level. Give it some thought and good luck.
I'm afraid I don't know how you can move past this, I'm fairly sure you can, but I don't know how. What I can tell you is that at 55 I still live with the young boy I once was. My family was always good to me and to this day I know that they love and accept me as I a. Sounds good I know, but for me, it was my peers in sschool who had such a negative effect on my self image. As a big kid I was often confronted by those who wanted to dominate those around them. I hated confrontation and never really stood up for myself.
As a result I've gone through life believing that I was weak and have always tried to be liked by going along with whatever the others around me wanted to do and never standingup for mmyself when I felt wronged.
What I'm left believing is that many of us have trouble growing past our own childhood. How can you believe that you are not ugly? I don't know you, but I seriously doubt I'd agree with the conception of yourself you hold. But my telling you that won't convince you, so how to improve your ego. I wish I could put my arms around you and kiss you on the head, as I would one of my own children. That wouldn't work either though, but a friendly shoulder couldn't hurt.
Be aware that the image you hold of yourself is bound to be flawed. That you really are more attractive than you imagine, just as I am stronger and better than I am afraid I am. It is the difference between what we "know" on an intellectual level and what we "believe" on a more emotional level. Give it some thought and good luck.
I think it might be good to keep two things in mind LadySith.
One thing you already know (but knowledge and feelings are very different thing) that ugly is in the eye of the beholder. It is relative judgement not a physical fact. What 99/100 people might call ugly is what 1 /100 will love and cherish. Just to do the math; 1/100 of a couple billion people. That's still a lot of people.
You know this. I know you do. It's not about who or what you are; It's about how you have been treated, how you have been made to feel and how they have tried to connect your appearance to their own feelings.
OK; having said this and recalling the trite but true lyric, "Everything is beautiful in it's own way", we then have to ask, how do you feel better about yourself?
The second thing on my mind is something a therapist told me about my own darkest feeling. She said that these bad feelings never get better. When they come back they feel just as bad, so the answer is to work toward; A) shortening the time you allow yourself to spend with these feelings and, B) lengthen the amount of time between these episodes.
What I'm saying is resolution, making bad feelings better may not be the answer. I trust that therapist. These feeling are about the past and it may be your best bet to stay away from that past. When your in those funks (probably tied to the past) it may help to focus on something positive in the present or future.
And when your not gripped by those feelings, it might be good to set up a daily habit of visualizing how valuable a human being you are; so that when they start to creep in you can use those images as a handle to realize these feelings are not reality and which you can grab on to pull yourself out.
Frame
One thing you already know (but knowledge and feelings are very different thing) that ugly is in the eye of the beholder. It is relative judgement not a physical fact. What 99/100 people might call ugly is what 1 /100 will love and cherish. Just to do the math; 1/100 of a couple billion people. That's still a lot of people.
You know this. I know you do. It's not about who or what you are; It's about how you have been treated, how you have been made to feel and how they have tried to connect your appearance to their own feelings.
OK; having said this and recalling the trite but true lyric, "Everything is beautiful in it's own way", we then have to ask, how do you feel better about yourself?
The second thing on my mind is something a therapist told me about my own darkest feeling. She said that these bad feelings never get better. When they come back they feel just as bad, so the answer is to work toward; A) shortening the time you allow yourself to spend with these feelings and, B) lengthen the amount of time between these episodes.
What I'm saying is resolution, making bad feelings better may not be the answer. I trust that therapist. These feeling are about the past and it may be your best bet to stay away from that past. When your in those funks (probably tied to the past) it may help to focus on something positive in the present or future.
And when your not gripped by those feelings, it might be good to set up a daily habit of visualizing how valuable a human being you are; so that when they start to creep in you can use those images as a handle to realize these feelings are not reality and which you can grab on to pull yourself out.
Frame
Thank you all for reply
I may just have to look forward but it's those who were around me who made me this way and I never told them how I felt maybe I should even if it is so many years later and maybe help them understand that what they have told me hurt me more then they imagine. maybe they won't understand but it's worth trying so I don't think or feel so little about myself.
Thank you
I may just have to look forward but it's those who were around me who made me this way and I never told them how I felt maybe I should even if it is so many years later and maybe help them understand that what they have told me hurt me more then they imagine. maybe they won't understand but it's worth trying so I don't think or feel so little about myself.
Thank you
Yeah, telling those who hurt you just how badly they affected you with those comments...Good idea...
I cannot stand any type of bully, and the lasting impact they leave on a person's life.
Maybe continue to post your feelings as though they are listening. This could prove therapeutic, and unburdening those hurtful thoughts and feelings would be a great idea.
Remember, anyone who has to tear apart another human being in order to heighten their own egos are ignorant and cowardly. I'm being "nice," here! There's only a limited amount of words I can use to describe them...
Rise above, Ladysith. Rise above them.
I cannot stand any type of bully, and the lasting impact they leave on a person's life.
Maybe continue to post your feelings as though they are listening. This could prove therapeutic, and unburdening those hurtful thoughts and feelings would be a great idea.
Remember, anyone who has to tear apart another human being in order to heighten their own egos are ignorant and cowardly. I'm being "nice," here! There's only a limited amount of words I can use to describe them...
Rise above, Ladysith. Rise above them.
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