Thoughts can be harmful (might be triggering)

[inrecovery2011]

Today as many of the last few days i have awaken to the same song in my head one by rascal flatts called why its about suicide prevention and the part that plays over and over why would you leave the stage in the middle of your song? i can think of many reasons i want to not many very valid in rational thinking but put together over time and the gradual wear down of hope and feelings of being even more unwanted until you show signs t hat you might do something to help you. when will the positive change happen to keep the thoughts from turning to this? When will I learn not to put too much value in people who dont value me? Some will say i am on a pity pot but me i am trying to survive thoughts and feelings and pain that seem to go beyond what my mind can handle i keep pushing thru what seems like impossilbe things i feel more grief than before and the lose i feel isnt of a person but of losing me. I am scared of ending up like so many do and feeling the desperation and hurt that only come with a person ready to give up. I am wondering when will i have enough and does it really matter to any one around me that I hurt and i need to figure out what to do. Getting no answers but to keep going is hard and to look at all the happy people go by is difficult cause i know that in my hear t i will never be truly happy. Trying to rearrange chairs on a ship thats going down might seem foolish but it is what i seem to be doing i am at a lose as to what to do and never know when i will fell ok.

[hollyann]

(((((((Inrecovery))))))))))) I don't know how many times I've listened to the same song. And thought pretty much the same things. Thank you for posting this. You can get through this, and find a way to patch the ship to keep it from sinking. You are stronger than you give yourself credit for.

hollyann