When I stop helping and then I'm left with myself again all those feelings of negativity and low self worth flood back. I wonder how I can have such an abundance of positive, strong, uplifting words for so many people... but none for myself. I wonder how I can be strong for any who ask it off me, but I can't be strong for myself, I can't ask it of myself, and I'm left wondering why. Why do I think so lowly of myself to not help myself? I am a good, kind hearted, caring soul... But something stops me from setting my soul ablaze and burning brightly like I know I can.
Is it fear? Is it self hatred? Is it because I don't feel good enough?
I just don't know because I have things I know are beautiful about me, but I feel smothered by all the ugly darkness.
jj
Why.
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I feel the same way. I guess we are insecure. You just have to try and be strong for yourself, stop thinking about others for a while and focus on you and what you can do to make you feel like you are in top of the world. Try something new. That helps me a lot, meeting new people, trying new experinces.
jj,
It seems to me like you are the type of person who always puts others before yourself.
The drive to be helpful is a wonderful thing, but it can also lead into a trap where your sense of purpose is largely centered around other people.
Sometimes it helps to pause and really ask yourself what your priorities are, and what you want in your life.
I think we sometimes grow out of touch with who we really are in the attempt to please those around us. I also think that being really compassionate means making room for yourself, too.
P.S. You sound like a very kind and giving person. You shouldn't hate yourself at all.
It seems to me like you are the type of person who always puts others before yourself.
The drive to be helpful is a wonderful thing, but it can also lead into a trap where your sense of purpose is largely centered around other people.
Sometimes it helps to pause and really ask yourself what your priorities are, and what you want in your life.
I think we sometimes grow out of touch with who we really are in the attempt to please those around us. I also think that being really compassionate means making room for yourself, too.
P.S. You sound like a very kind and giving person. You shouldn't hate yourself at all.
I have the same problem. Always here to help any and all. But I'm a walking disaster. Putting myself first doesn't work for me. I am not a good person underneath it all and my on-going goal is to subdue my internal demons. The only way I've managed is with medicaton. But, as we all know, meds simply hide what is wrong, what life experiences cause the depression.
Twelve years ago this month I quit me addictions (booze and illegal drugs). I have been clean and sober eery day and I understand how important being clean. But through detox and therapy everyone talked about "one day at a time." Not a single person talked about dealing with reality. Alcohol and other drugs made certain I didn't have to deal with the ugliness of my past -- things that were done to me and things I did. Then came sobriety and reality. How do I deal with reality? I haven't found an answer and I've been looking since my first suicide attempt at 14. That's 59 years.
I have reached the point that there are no answers. There is nothing a shrink can do save subscribe meds. I remember one shrink I saw every week for 2 years (talk about a lot of MONEY). He meant well and he was a caring person but, as I told him, how can you live with the scars from being sexually abused by a parent? I contend I can't. The ugliness and the resulting lack of self worth have guided and will continue to guide me and add their ugliness to my outlook on life. How do I "learn to live with and understand" what my mother did to me for so many years? My mother was sick. She couldn't help what she was doing. Feel her sadness. I've heard them all. I don't care that she was sick. She destroyed an important part of me and I hate her for it.
Twelve years ago this month I quit me addictions (booze and illegal drugs). I have been clean and sober eery day and I understand how important being clean. But through detox and therapy everyone talked about "one day at a time." Not a single person talked about dealing with reality. Alcohol and other drugs made certain I didn't have to deal with the ugliness of my past -- things that were done to me and things I did. Then came sobriety and reality. How do I deal with reality? I haven't found an answer and I've been looking since my first suicide attempt at 14. That's 59 years.
I have reached the point that there are no answers. There is nothing a shrink can do save subscribe meds. I remember one shrink I saw every week for 2 years (talk about a lot of MONEY). He meant well and he was a caring person but, as I told him, how can you live with the scars from being sexually abused by a parent? I contend I can't. The ugliness and the resulting lack of self worth have guided and will continue to guide me and add their ugliness to my outlook on life. How do I "learn to live with and understand" what my mother did to me for so many years? My mother was sick. She couldn't help what she was doing. Feel her sadness. I've heard them all. I don't care that she was sick. She destroyed an important part of me and I hate her for it.
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