Bitterness

[Lala_Blue]

I have a question/topic for discussion, and that is how to let go of negativity and not become bitter. Personally I have discovered that I have become quite bitter and I don't want to feel like that.

I think in certain circumstances bitterness keeps you back from healing and perpetuates depression. I've wondered why my depression this time seems different and why I do not recognize some of the feelings. Prior I was just depressed and wanted to escape the circumstance because I wasn't happy, now I am bitter and that's what makes me depressed. I found an interesting quote, that bitterness is a result of a fragmented life, and I have moved everytime I got uncomfortable. I've kept starting over. At some point however that catches up with you. Running away doesn't fix the problem.

To let go of bitterness it's important to let go of difficult circumstances and also not compare yourself with other people. I find that some people bring up those feelings. Perhaps distancing oneself from them is best.
I've been reading alot on how to let go and move one, and be hopeful. Writing a gratitude journal helps. Any other suggestions/feelings?

[crystalgaze]

The only thing I can add, in that regard--what I could think of is:

actively monitoring yourself


I do what works for me, & what does not work, I toss with a vengeance. That's it. Of course, whatever I do, I also try not to harm anyone else or myself in the process.

What doesn't go away with the first toss, I toss it again. & I keep tossing it, until it is under my foot. & if it resurrects itself, I strike it down again.

Tossing actually helps me dispose of/dispel a good bit of my anger. If it causes me pain or I can't reconcile it, I toss it. Sometimes, I revisit the situation & come up with a better solution.


Alas, it happened to me today..... that bitterness you describe, as well as a few other emotions: pain, etc. The reason I was able to keep myself together, in my case, was self-preservation. I have a heart situation of some sort; thus, I really SHOULD NOT get angry/too angry.

I stop it before it causes me problems. The most I am with anything is annoyed. That's it. That's the limit I set for myself & I respect it.

Disappointments? I throw them out posthaste before they can fester & help to shorten my lifespan. It's just like today when I felt like I was losing it, fuming from the ears & all, I tried calling someone. There was no answer. I don't slight that individual. We all have our own lives & stuff to do. I really would've liked someone to have been there, but I got through it myself.

It's perfectly okay & I'm perfectly alright. What's next?

What I also wanted to add is actively practicing positivity every day, as much as you can. Practice makes perfect? Practice helps thwart habits that don't work?? Perhaps.

[Lala_Blue]

What you say is so true, it's something to be managed everyday. When feeling engulfed in those feelings to try to deal with them through positive reinforcement.

[Warmsoul/Jeanie13]

((((((((((((((( Lala_Blue )))))))))))))))))

To fight 'bitterness', someway I try to reach inside my mind, thoughts and heart. Try to understand both sides of things and then do what is best for me. So I don't carry the hurt, the bitterness with me daily.

Not easy to do, but in time it does work. Silly answer I know, but that is what I do.

Warmie

[crystalgaze]

Just thinking of you & hoping you will be able to conquer it! You can do it! It's not easy, but it's doable.

Another thing I do is.... probably sort of silly.... but I tell myself I am powerful. My main reason for not being bitter is that I feel I will miss out on something. One person the other day told me he loved my smile, & just like that, I made a new friend. That person was someone I've seen for a long time now over time. (It was nothing sensual/sexual.)

I try to really discard the bitterness because I just can't be my best me with it. If there are things in my life that I want, bitterness will hinder me. I don't want to be held back from the things I may want. My approach is that it's time for me to enjoy my life & that I can enjoy my life.

Another factor I use to help me is: Would I want to be around either an unhappy or negative or bitter person? If I'm honest with myself, my answer would be "NO", & that's why I try. If I don't want it for myself, then I can't think anyone else would want it either.

Just some encouragement to you!

[Warmsoul/Jeanie13]

(((((((((((((( Crystal )))))))))))))

You are amazing, that positive you give does get out there to all of us. Proud and please to call you a friend. Thank you for all you do.

Warmie

[Lala_Blue]

Thank you both for the encouraging words!

I'm doing my best and I do try to look at the glass half full. Sometimes I do get so down but I am glad there is a community here that I can turn to when I get so lonely. I know it's important to count one's blessings and I think that is the key to managing depression.

Thank you both for the positive vibes! Nice story about the compliment Crystal, a compliment goes a long way to make people smile, I will remember that and try to genuinely find things to compliment others on. Spreading the joy is where it's at )

[Warmsoul/Jeanie13]

(((((((((((((( Lala_Blue )))))))))))))))))))

You give positive by spreading the joy, thanks for that.

Warmie

[crystalgaze]

Nice to hear from you Lala_Blue!

I had another reminder the other day while I was at a stop light.

I was sitting in the car, all dressed up in a simple denim tube knee-length dress with my sunshades on (to help block dust from getting in my contact lens).

Now what do you think I was doing? I was sitting at the light frowning, with my face all made up.... scowling because I wished the light would turn green.... drop dead serious for absolutely no reason & guess what happened?

A man who was alongside me in a big truck wished me Happy Holidays & said that he knew I had a beautiful smile & should show it. There was no disrespect or like pickup line or none of that. He just was like: Why is a woman such as yourself frowning like that?

Bitterness was written all over my face..... His compliment to me made me realize I was doing it again & made me remember my vow to myself.

You can do it, too! Take care!

[Warmsoul/Jeanie13]

((((((((((((((( Crystal )))))))))))))

Wow, what a compliment. WTG..

Went out on Christmas Eve for a nice dinner with friends and family. The waitress complimented me on my eyes.

As we were being served out waitress and waiter came to the table and stood and just looked at me. I was think, what? Did I spill something, am I showing too much of something? Was confused as hell. Finally one of the men ask them what was going on. They said the first waitress insisted then look at my eyes. ??????

They started on how beautiful my eyes were, turquoise color and all. Talk about being embarrassed, all I could say was thank you.

Point is they made me feel special, that was a special gift for me.

There are kind people in the world, sometimes we run into them and they just don't know how great they make us feel.

Had to share, hope you don't mind.

Warmie

[michaeljohn]

Let it go while you can.

Bitterness does not go away if you keep it in too long.

[crystalgaze]

I felt extreme bitterness recently.... It was the kind I cried about, the kind that made me lust for vengeance, the kind that broke me for a moment.

I can't say what happened, but it regarded a revelation I had--a verification of a suspicion I had had for a long, long, long time now. The truth is great, but this one was too much to handle. I was torn between being glad to know & then not wanting to have had it confirmed with some so-called "proof".

[Warmsoul/Jeanie13]

((((((((((( crystalgaze ))))))))))))))))))

Getting the bitter with sweet isn't always pleasant. I hope you can sort things out.

Warmie

[crystalgaze]

Well, I think it passed. (Thank goodness!)

[shatteredhopes]

I struggle with bitterness and resentment too. One thing I have found that helps, if there are people that have hurt you badly and unjustly, try to find a point of compassion for them. For instance, with my ex-husband I think of all he went through growing up and all I put him through with my depression. If I feel a bit sorry for them, it tempers the hurt and resentment I feel, humanizes them, and takes some of the sting out of resentment.

Another thing suggested in the Big Book of AA is to pray for your enemies to receive all the blessings you would want for yourself for at least two weeks. Pray even if it is forced and eventually you will feel the prayer and mean it. That is, if you believe in prayer....

Letting go is hard. Life is just not fair at all and that others have it worse doesn't ease my pain one bit, in fact it exacerbates it because I cannot help them. There is no perfect solution for letting go, but sometimes rituals can help. Write out what you are bitter about get everything off your chest then burn it and release the ashes to the wind or whatever rituals you feel comfortable with.

Anyway, good luck! Big big hugs and wishing you light and peace in your day.