Depression Understood Forums

I have Social Anxiety, and to me it seems like my friends try to avoid me sometimes. It's kind of funny with the excuses they come up with. It's the EXACT same excuses from ALL of them.
One is "I lost my phone. I didn't find it till now."(a week after I call)
Another one "My phone broke and I just got a new one."(same phone when I see it again)
And, "I just got your message. Sorry, I don't check my email much."
The most blatant one...no response back. I've heard all of these from all of my friends. They are most likely avoiding.
I'm thinking it's because of my SA and were I can be passive at times. They might not want to be around me, for awhile, after we hang out. Still, that is no way to treat a friend. I would never do that to them. Hey, I'm the one that is contacting them.
Has anyone ever experienced this? Or experiencing this now? Any advice? Comments? Opinions?

((( jaymn )))

so sorry. people can be mean without meaning to sometimes.

Heya Jay! ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((( Jaymn ))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Yeah, that can be hard..... What I do with my "friend/friends" now is to leave them where they are. (It sounds strange, right?)

Once I call once or twice or so, I let them call me back & if they don't, then we don't talk. It's no skin off my back. That's the attitude I try to have about it--with the reason being THEY ARE NOT MORE IMPORTANT THAN I AM THAT I WILL TAKE CRAP OFF OF THEM. If they're busy, then I'm busy too. Later for them. If they aren't available for me, then I'm not available for them either.

Also, too, check to see what kind of friends you have. What I mean is like I know my Mom will have a friend to go to the movies with, a friend to go out to eat with, work buddies/whatever, a friend she will talk about what really bothers her, etc. It's sort of like there are friends for different things. Sometimes, there are friends who are only fair weather, some who come around only when they want something or when things in their lives are not going as great & need comfort. Figure out what type of friends you have.

I know you've mentioned SA a bit, & I was wondering: Is there a place that you can go where it isn't as bad? (e.g. the library???) I would try to go to that place & cool out there. See who you think is most approachable & see if you can manage a convo. (When I used to go to the library, there were eventually people I would see normally that after a few weeks or so, we'd at least nod to each other or something like that. I found the library non-threatening; that may not work for you, but the point is to find a place that is not too threatening to you to set off your SA very badly.)

The reason I encourage *trying* to see if you can meet other people, as much as you have SA, is that maybe you will find somebody who's on the same plane as you--that treat people similarly to how you treat people. Take little steps, of course, if/when you decide to do it.

If you don't want to do that or even before all of that, what I do is I try to focus on myself more, my life more & where I want to be/how I can get there, see what I can do, or even pick up a hobby of some kind (no matter how simple or great, small or huge, silly or geeky, strange or common).

Something I used to do when I lived elsewhere was go for a walk. I would just walk about by myself, trying to enjoy nature & other things I saw & not bother with people & how they looked at me because they thought I was strange, etc. (I remember one time in my walkabout where I encountered a skunk & had to back away very quickly before I was sprayed.)

I hope I've mentioned some things that can be of help. Hang in there!

If friends don't take time to call you back or communicate with you, do not feel so bad. You should go out and find new friends and not to be too trusting. You will find true and good friends who will appreciate you as a friend. Let it go...they are not worth it.

Also keep in mind that phone line works both ways. Sometimes we forget that.

crystalgaze, when you say "leave them the way they are" I know what you mean. I just want to know if you are still friends with these people? I want to keep them because they are the only ones I know; Plus, we have a lot in common. I don't know what I should do right now. I'm thinking Do Nothing.?
The ones I usually hang with are my best friends so that is a 'type' of friend? Or you mean how are they a friend to me?
I know that it's good to make friends but I don't want to right now. I'm having trouble with the friends I have now, you know. I don't think any place around here I go, people would have the same interests. I find it boring when people are the same. Don't really have any hobbies or things they do everyday. Like a life style I guess.
I don't think I could meet too many people outside of my "lifestyle". It revolves around cycling. That is all I know and I all I want to do. It would just be boring, like I said, because they don't live a lifestyle, just life, if that makes sense. What I mean is weightlifters live a lifestyle of lifting, athletes live a lifestyle of sports, and so on. They have something fun to do everyday. Not like, say, someone that says 'I love music its what I do everyday'. I don't see that as an lifestyle. Unless they are in a band or practice guitars everyday.
People that don't have something like those above, I really don't have much interest in. I had friends in the past, and they didn't have much to do besides watch TV, hang out with other friends(eat, drive around, etc...). After I started riding bicycles all day everyday lol I just started to get really bored with them.
But maybe it could happen. Not soon but later. Maybe, I will find more people to hang out with. It could happen.

Hiya Jay! Yes, I meant how are they a friend to you. How often do you all meet up? 1x a week, 1x a month.

By leaving them where they are, sometimes also I give them space.

Sometimes, leaving them where they are also means that we go our separate ways. I've found that people who were doing me something similar to what you describe were not actually my friends in the first place. That's why I had to leave them where they were.

If I cherish someone & they make a real proper fool out of me, it's over. (I'm not saying people can't make mistakes. You fight & you make up or whatever. It's just that I have a point where if I get annoyed, I really don't pay them any attention.)