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Re: Fear not, if you love. Love not, if you fear.

Posted: Thu Jun 04, 2020 1:30 pm
by Prycejosh1987
Searching Freedom wrote:Long ago I found a prison. Whose only key was in my hand. And because I was sad, because I wasn't able to see a purpose in my pain, because I was so scared of the world around me... I locked myself. Thinking that I will set myself free when I will feel ready to fight again.
But, one day, because I was still bleeding and still in pain, I started to believe that I will not want to get out of that prison, that I won't ever be ready to face the exterior, to exist, to hope. I thought that, for me, there is no forgiveness and no possibility of starting over. So I threw the key away.

I didn't realize that throwing the key was one of the biggest mistakes of my life. Until now.

Now... I am locked inside my own prison and the key is right in front of me. But because of the bars I can't take it. And I feel around me a wonderful world that waits for me. An extraordinary world. A world for whom I would rather spend the rest of my life locked up if I'd known that this way I could see it once. Just for a second.

I would choose to spend an eternity in darkness just to see the light once more.
I would choose to have my heart forever frozen just to feel love once more.

It feels impossible for me to be free again, impossible to reach to that key, impossible to see the light.
But there is only one question left.
Is there a chance for someone else to help me? Is there even a single chance for someone else to come and open the prison inside my heart?

I am completely sure that there is. But...

It means that I have to allow someone else to enter this deeply inside my soul. It means that I have to trust someone so much that I won't be afraid to let them see so deep inside of me. But I don't have that trust. For no one.

How should I know that they won't be disgusted with me?
How should I know that they won't freak out and run away?
How should I know that everything is not a trap? That they, pretending to help, don't want to laugh at me because I am trapped?

I am here for so long.
I am screaming for help for far too long.
And because of this... in my prison is a lot of blood. There is nothing but misery.

And I... well, my clothes are ripped off. My hair is dirty. My face is shattered because of the pain. My eyes only reflect sorrow. And I'm trembling. And I am covered in wounds that have stayed opened for too long.
I'm just bleeding. Bleeding colors. Bleeding music. Who would've thought that pain can create such a tragic piece of art?
My soul.

I wish to believe that there is, somewhere in this world, someone who will want to see me like this. Who won't be scared to truly hug me, even though I am full of scars and wounds. Who will want to open my prison.

And maybe there really is.
I just have to wait.
But... time is just a joke.
Time goes so slow when you are in pain. And those seconds feel like forever.
Time goes so fast when you love. It is like it doesn't even exist.
And when you feel pain because you truly love... that is when it stops. For good. So you either lose yourself in that pain or find yourself in that love.

It is up to every single one of us.

I just want to be free.
And fly.

You call it a prison, and darkness. Life can be those things if you let them be. You have that key, and you, have that ability to enjoy and free yourself from these problems. Pursue love, and do what is required to get love and be loved. Negative feelings never help anybody in anything. Everybody deserves love. Even beggars have girlfriends and people that are mentally ill. Anyone can find love if they search for it with all their heart.

Re: Fear not, if you love. Love not, if you fear.

Posted: Thu Jun 04, 2020 1:55 pm
by Searching Freedom
Prycejosh1987 wrote:
Searching Freedom wrote:Long ago I found a prison. Whose only key was in my hand. And because I was sad, because I wasn't able to see a purpose in my pain, because I was so scared of the world around me... I locked myself. Thinking that I will set myself free when I will feel ready to fight again.
But, one day, because I was still bleeding and still in pain, I started to believe that I will not want to get out of that prison, that I won't ever be ready to face the exterior, to exist, to hope. I thought that, for me, there is no forgiveness and no possibility of starting over. So I threw the key away.

I didn't realize that throwing the key was one of the biggest mistakes of my life. Until now.

Now... I am locked inside my own prison and the key is right in front of me. But because of the bars I can't take it. And I feel around me a wonderful world that waits for me. An extraordinary world. A world for whom I would rather spend the rest of my life locked up if I'd known that this way I could see it once. Just for a second.

I would choose to spend an eternity in darkness just to see the light once more.
I would choose to have my heart forever frozen just to feel love once more.

It feels impossible for me to be free again, impossible to reach to that key, impossible to see the light.
But there is only one question left.
Is there a chance for someone else to help me? Is there even a single chance for someone else to come and open the prison inside my heart?

I am completely sure that there is. But...

It means that I have to allow someone else to enter this deeply inside my soul. It means that I have to trust someone so much that I won't be afraid to let them see so deep inside of me. But I don't have that trust. For no one.

How should I know that they won't be disgusted with me?
How should I know that they won't freak out and run away?
How should I know that everything is not a trap? That they, pretending to help, don't want to laugh at me because I am trapped?

I am here for so long.
I am screaming for help for far too long.
And because of this... in my prison is a lot of blood. There is nothing but misery.

And I... well, my clothes are ripped off. My hair is dirty. My face is shattered because of the pain. My eyes only reflect sorrow. And I'm trembling. And I am covered in wounds that have stayed opened for too long.
I'm just bleeding. Bleeding colors. Bleeding music. Who would've thought that pain can create such a tragic piece of art?
My soul.

I wish to believe that there is, somewhere in this world, someone who will want to see me like this. Who won't be scared to truly hug me, even though I am full of scars and wounds. Who will want to open my prison.

And maybe there really is.
I just have to wait.
But... time is just a joke.
Time goes so slow when you are in pain. And those seconds feel like forever.
Time goes so fast when you love. It is like it doesn't even exist.
And when you feel pain because you truly love... that is when it stops. For good. So you either lose yourself in that pain or find yourself in that love.

It is up to every single one of us.

I just want to be free.
And fly.

You call it a prison, and darkness. Life can be those things if you let them be. You have that key, and you, have that ability to enjoy and free yourself from these problems. Pursue love, and do what is required to get love and be loved. Negative feelings never help anybody in anything. Everybody deserves love. Even beggars have girlfriends and people that are mentally ill. Anyone can find love if they search for it with all their heart.



I understand your point of view and what you’re talking about. But searching for love... it is not something i seem to know how or something i wish to know how. That was my hole point of this text. That I am, indeed, trapped and that I don’t know how to trust. Others, but most importantly myself.

And the first thing you said. That I choose how I see life, that I let darkness be darkness. I don’t think is entirely true. If I am standing in a room where there is only darkness, then that is what I see and that is what it is. Darkness. I can’t just fool myself into thinking that there is light inside that room if there isn’t.

It works metaphorically speaking as well. If I am in a dark place right now, tricking myself into believing that I am not in a dark place is so wrong and dangerous and, also, not optimistic at all.

If I am...let’s say... depressed. Trying to keep saying to myself that I am fine, that I chose to be sad, that I am actually way better etc etc will only harm me more. The solution, salvation, life, joy, freedom (because I am still Searching Freedom) comes in the moment I acknowledge my pain. The moment I embrace it. The moment I accept it.

People cannot move on from everything that causes them pain by saying “I am fine”, but by saying “Right now I don’t feel good, right now I am scared, right now I am powerless, but there will get better. It has to. The days when I wont have to feel like this will come. I just have to keep fighting.”

Re: Fear not, if you love. Love not, if you fear.

Posted: Thu Jun 04, 2020 4:07 pm
by Prycejosh1987
Searching Freedom wrote:
Prycejosh1987 wrote:
Searching Freedom wrote:Long ago I found a prison. Whose only key was in my hand. And because I was sad, because I wasn't able to see a purpose in my pain, because I was so scared of the world around me... I locked myself. Thinking that I will set myself free when I will feel ready to fight again.
But, one day, because I was still bleeding and still in pain, I started to believe that I will not want to get out of that prison, that I won't ever be ready to face the exterior, to exist, to hope. I thought that, for me, there is no forgiveness and no possibility of starting over. So I threw the key away.

I didn't realize that throwing the key was one of the biggest mistakes of my life. Until now.

Now... I am locked inside my own prison and the key is right in front of me. But because of the bars I can't take it. And I feel around me a wonderful world that waits for me. An extraordinary world. A world for whom I would rather spend the rest of my life locked up if I'd known that this way I could see it once. Just for a second.

I would choose to spend an eternity in darkness just to see the light once more.
I would choose to have my heart forever frozen just to feel love once more.

It feels impossible for me to be free again, impossible to reach to that key, impossible to see the light.
But there is only one question left.
Is there a chance for someone else to help me? Is there even a single chance for someone else to come and open the prison inside my heart?

I am completely sure that there is. But...

It means that I have to allow someone else to enter this deeply inside my soul. It means that I have to trust someone so much that I won't be afraid to let them see so deep inside of me. But I don't have that trust. For no one.

How should I know that they won't be disgusted with me?
How should I know that they won't freak out and run away?
How should I know that everything is not a trap? That they, pretending to help, don't want to laugh at me because I am trapped?

I am here for so long.
I am screaming for help for far too long.
And because of this... in my prison is a lot of blood. There is nothing but misery.

And I... well, my clothes are ripped off. My hair is dirty. My face is shattered because of the pain. My eyes only reflect sorrow. And I'm trembling. And I am covered in wounds that have stayed opened for too long.
I'm just bleeding. Bleeding colors. Bleeding music. Who would've thought that pain can create such a tragic piece of art?
My soul.

I wish to believe that there is, somewhere in this world, someone who will want to see me like this. Who won't be scared to truly hug me, even though I am full of scars and wounds. Who will want to open my prison.

And maybe there really is.
I just have to wait.
But... time is just a joke.
Time goes so slow when you are in pain. And those seconds feel like forever.
Time goes so fast when you love. It is like it doesn't even exist.
And when you feel pain because you truly love... that is when it stops. For good. So you either lose yourself in that pain or find yourself in that love.

It is up to every single one of us.

I just want to be free.
And fly.

You call it a prison, and darkness. Life can be those things if you let them be. You have that key, and you, have that ability to enjoy and free yourself from these problems. Pursue love, and do what is required to get love and be loved. Negative feelings never help anybody in anything. Everybody deserves love. Even beggars have girlfriends and people that are mentally ill. Anyone can find love if they search for it with all their heart.



I understand your point of view and what you’re talking about. But searching for love... it is not something i seem to know how or something i wish to know how. That was my hole point of this text. That I am, indeed, trapped and that I don’t know how to trust. Others, but most importantly myself.

And the first thing you said. That I choose how I see life, that I let darkness be darkness. I don’t think is entirely true. If I am standing in a room where there is only darkness, then that is what I see and that is what it is. Darkness. I can’t just fool myself into thinking that there is light inside that room if there isn’t.

It works metaphorically speaking as well. If I am in a dark place right now, tricking myself into believing that I am not in a dark place is so wrong and dangerous and, also, not optimistic at all.

If I am...let’s say... depressed. Trying to keep saying to myself that I am fine, that I chose to be sad, that I am actually way better etc etc will only harm me more. The solution, salvation, life, joy, freedom (because I am still Searching Freedom) comes in the moment I acknowledge my pain. The moment I embrace it. The moment I accept it.

People cannot move on from everything that causes them pain by saying “I am fine”, but by saying “Right now I don’t feel good, right now I am scared, right now I am powerless, but there will get better. It has to. The days when I wont have to feel like this will come. I just have to keep fighting.”

I was being hypothetical. When you see darkness, you see darkness that is true. But you can switch on the light usually in a dark moment, or there is usually a light within darkness that radiates from somewhere else. I was saying believe in the light and look for the light. When you said you see darkness what you was actually saying was you dont see a good outcome in life in regards to love and self belief (generally speaking).
I was being metaphorical when i was talking about love. I didnt just mean love life. I meant love in general. It could be love in the family, love in a friendship, etc
You saying you should accept emotional pain and live with it, and that what i am saying is to cope with it (which is what your implying i said). I am saying combat it with positive thinking. Look at the good in yourself. Believe in yourself as a person. If you dont combat the thinking somehow, you will find it very hard to get out of that rut. People that think this way, fall deeper and deeper into depression. Im not saying cope with it but combat it with "intelligence, reasoning and positive thinking. I didnt want to say things that are too much to say. Maybe i should of just said this.