Re: Fear not, if you love. Love not, if you fear.
Posted: Thu Jun 04, 2020 1:30 pm
Searching Freedom wrote:Long ago I found a prison. Whose only key was in my hand. And because I was sad, because I wasn't able to see a purpose in my pain, because I was so scared of the world around me... I locked myself. Thinking that I will set myself free when I will feel ready to fight again.
But, one day, because I was still bleeding and still in pain, I started to believe that I will not want to get out of that prison, that I won't ever be ready to face the exterior, to exist, to hope. I thought that, for me, there is no forgiveness and no possibility of starting over. So I threw the key away.
I didn't realize that throwing the key was one of the biggest mistakes of my life. Until now.
Now... I am locked inside my own prison and the key is right in front of me. But because of the bars I can't take it. And I feel around me a wonderful world that waits for me. An extraordinary world. A world for whom I would rather spend the rest of my life locked up if I'd known that this way I could see it once. Just for a second.
I would choose to spend an eternity in darkness just to see the light once more.
I would choose to have my heart forever frozen just to feel love once more.
It feels impossible for me to be free again, impossible to reach to that key, impossible to see the light.
But there is only one question left.
Is there a chance for someone else to help me? Is there even a single chance for someone else to come and open the prison inside my heart?
I am completely sure that there is. But...
It means that I have to allow someone else to enter this deeply inside my soul. It means that I have to trust someone so much that I won't be afraid to let them see so deep inside of me. But I don't have that trust. For no one.
How should I know that they won't be disgusted with me?
How should I know that they won't freak out and run away?
How should I know that everything is not a trap? That they, pretending to help, don't want to laugh at me because I am trapped?
I am here for so long.
I am screaming for help for far too long.
And because of this... in my prison is a lot of blood. There is nothing but misery.
And I... well, my clothes are ripped off. My hair is dirty. My face is shattered because of the pain. My eyes only reflect sorrow. And I'm trembling. And I am covered in wounds that have stayed opened for too long.
I'm just bleeding. Bleeding colors. Bleeding music. Who would've thought that pain can create such a tragic piece of art?
My soul.
I wish to believe that there is, somewhere in this world, someone who will want to see me like this. Who won't be scared to truly hug me, even though I am full of scars and wounds. Who will want to open my prison.
And maybe there really is.
I just have to wait.
But... time is just a joke.
Time goes so slow when you are in pain. And those seconds feel like forever.
Time goes so fast when you love. It is like it doesn't even exist.
And when you feel pain because you truly love... that is when it stops. For good. So you either lose yourself in that pain or find yourself in that love.
It is up to every single one of us.
I just want to be free.
And fly.
You call it a prison, and darkness. Life can be those things if you let them be. You have that key, and you, have that ability to enjoy and free yourself from these problems. Pursue love, and do what is required to get love and be loved. Negative feelings never help anybody in anything. Everybody deserves love. Even beggars have girlfriends and people that are mentally ill. Anyone can find love if they search for it with all their heart.