DESTRUCTIVE URGE

[Warmsoul/Jeanie13]

((((( blueisgreen )))))))))))

I know you didn't meant anything. Was just joking with you, honest. Cancer "THE CRAB" LOL not a friendly thought.

Warmie

[xn728]

hey blueisgreen ,same here ,listen you know how i am ,if i wasnt cranky
like i am ,id be so boring ,just having a giggle .i think i deserve it after the last couple of weeks ,when i look in the mirror now i look like a stick
insect ,i hope your we,ll my dear freind ,dont ber sore with me now ,
i need everyone in my life ,,,,,,,,ken

[Mich]

I am Cancer too - and yes, am very sensitive.

[blueisgreen]

Hi Everyone,
No Worries - I didn't think you were mad. Just keeping my posts short I guess.
I have a theory about depression, mental illness and water signs is all.
Sometimes I think that more sensitive people pick up on underlying energies
and are severely affected. I have 5 planets in Scorpio myself.

Ken I am glad you are feeling better!
Warmie thank you for making the joke - we can all use some humor!
Mich I have been thinking about you and hope you are well today!
Hugs and strength to everyone!

[xn728]

we all respect your beleifs as you do ours ,the visitor ,and the warrior ,and of course russ are all my beliefs ,im glad to hear you both today ,and blueisgreen just hang in there ,your storm will pass soon ,and i,we will look forward to hearing from you as ever ,feel us with you always ,im reaching into the dark right now ,and i call to you ,dont be alone for i am at your side ,close your eyes and know i am there ,
i will punch a hole in that dark place for you ,so you may see the light
stay strong bye for now ,,,,,,,,yours ken

[lisalou]

I am a Pisces personally, also a water sign which is known for being very sensitive, dreamy, creative,intuitive and escapist (i tick all these boxes!) There is also a theory that as the final sign of the zodiac we contain a tiny bit of each of the other signs and that the final incarnation of the human soul is as a pisces (so i'm outta here after this...phew!! LOL!) We typically get on very well with Cancers so hence my good bond with you Michie and warmie xxxxx

[Warmsoul/Jeanie13]

((((((((((((((((((( lisalou )))))))))))))))))

Loving the bond thing, thanks.

Warmie

[xn728]

i was shot down in the phycharrist today ,id built myself up to talk openly
and looked forward to getting somewere ,but sadly he can offer nothing
,i cant understand that this is it ,im cast adrift now ,flowing on a dead sea
nothing on the horizon but darkness ,ive never felt so empty almost cast
out from the world ,exiled for my sins ,i know now i will burn when my time comes as i do even now ,,,,,ken

[xn728]

Im going to use this thread to write how i feel inside ,how the visitor makes me feel ,the ways in witch i explain the ways i feel may be strange to you ,but this is how i deal with my life ,the life inside my mind ,my depression has given me a wonderful gift ,the power to use my mind to create differant worlds in witch i can survive ,,,,,,,, Ive had a couple of bad blows just lately ,and as you can see from my posts ,ive taken them badly ,people say cmon ken your strong ,you cant
let this get you down ,but this is how its been all my life ,tired from all the
fighting ,i stumble easily ,some things i can get over ,stand up and carry
on ,when i go to bed at night i would dread the next day coming ,but
also i would look forward to the fight of getting through that same day ,
since the meeting with the phychartrist ,ive been lost ,not caring were i
drifted to ,then from out of the darkness i heard someone call me home
so i set of in the direction of that voice ,i padde,d through the day ,
desperatly trying to get home before dark ,but i grew tired and laid my
head down to rest ,when i awoke the darkness was all around and the only
calls i could hear ,were the creatures that waited beneath that cold dark
water,i leaned forward over the edge of this tattered raft i call life ,slowly
i looked closely into the water .It came rushing at me from the depths of
this abyss ,like some black monstrus creature i had never seen before
i lept back in fear ,it did the same ,carefully i leaned forward again and
the creature did the same ,i looked into its fearsome eyes ,they looked
cold and empty ,yet sad and longing to ,its face wore the scars of many
battles worn and twisted ,sunken and old looking ,it seemed to mimic me
when i moved ,or blinked ,or moved my mouth it did the same ,the creature slowly moved away and circled me as it did i saw the deep wounds along its back ,this creature must have known so much pain in its
life ,such a large creature strong and fearless looking ,it swam round and faced me once more ,then after a few seconds it swam into the depths.
maybe the creature was me ,maybe it swims to the depths ,for peace and
safety,from all the battles it has fought in its life ,maybe it grows tired of
fighting, and the cold ,dark blanket of deafeat,is all it needs to cover its
acheing body .like the poor creature ,a force stronger than both of us
makes us fight these daily battles ,purely for its sport ,it controls my thought and it controls the brain that works the legs ,and the arms ,the
hands ,and last but not least the fingers ,the fingers that ,write kind words to my dear freinds ,these fingers that can reach out and give you kind
words so you may feel better ,these fingers that can explain how i feel
and let you into my world ,these very fingers that brought me here after
years walking in this world lost and alone ,these fingers that to feel the hurt and the sadness and the fear of this life i live ,yes the fingers
that are connected to the brain ,to me ,and unfortunatly The Visitor !

[xn728]

woke up this morning and i had drifted home ,i can feel the kind words of my freinds once more ,today i will try once again to make a new start ,
bless you all my dear friends ,knowing your all here makes it easier
the dark waters have receded ,and the beasts within have gone
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,hope your better today ,,,best wishes ,,,,ken

[Mich]

I am so happy to read this post....that the dark waters have receded. It's always good to have you here.

[Warmsoul/Jeanie13]

(((((((( Ken )))))))))))

Good to have you home.

Warmie

[xn728]

thankyou (((((mich ))))) (((((warmie girl )))))
what a nice warm welcome ,i must admit i came on last night and didnt ,
really know what to say ,so i wrote the bit about my fingers ,sounded a
bit negative i suppose but i was just expressing how it felt sometimes ,in my world the visitor ,is always present even now as i type ,must be hard for you to see this maybe ,i dont know ? sometimes when im on the forum i fear somehow it may get in here . sneak in through my fingers
if you know what i mean ,but then theres to much love here ,even it would
flea from the power that connects us ,i do believe we were all brought here for a reason ,and the more we become. the more powerful this place
gets ,i myself can be easily tricked by the visitor ,and often i wish to run
away ,what i should run from i dont know ,the fear of not knowing mysef
perhaps ,not being in control of my fingers ,but at the end of the day you
all seem to have taken me to souls ,as i have all of you ,and in my daily
life ,wheather at work or home ,your freindships are always with me ,in
times of doubt ,i can think of everything you each have said to me ,all
in my mind ,i dont even have to look ,what a wonderful thing to have ,
someone told me ,not long ago .your not going anywere!
guess i best do as im told lol ,,,,,(((((thanks guys ))))),, ken

[xn728]

today was,nt to bad ,shop was busy ,didnt really have time to be sad or
think bad things ,tommorrow is sunday ,bad day for me ,but i will try to
keep my head above water ,and carry on ,strange isnt it ,when you are
busy you can almost not feel depressed ,but as soon as the mind is idol
zoom the visitor swoops down and carrys me away ,,,i have trouble to
just going out ,talking to people ,worrying about nothing ,and everything
im not unlike yourselfs ,i write things to others in pain and it must sound
patronising when i say oh you come through it you,ll see ,but i have
ive been at rock bottom and come back ,it just happens ,you just think your at the end ,and some thing happens and you just get up and carry
on ,unexplainable ,but thats how it works for me ,just thought id put it
here so you can see your not alone we all share a lot of the same thought
each our own private pain ,but so much the same ,,be safe my dear freinds ,,,,,,,,,ken

[xn728]

you know i feel a lot better these last few days ,even though i still have
little periods of doubt ,i do think ive improved ,i feel calmer and a little
more laid back ,i wish you could see me when ive been happy ,even
though i say it myself ,im very qiuck witted ,and can deliver some very
wicked one liners ,i think even as we suffer from this dark illness ,the things that make us what we are do surface at time ,quite often out of the
blue when we least expect it ,it does for me anyway im sure you must be
the same ,im glad i those little moments ,its a little peice of me leaping for
freedom ,and drifting happily away trapped no more ,free to fly away
ok time to close now ,the film gremlins is on tv soon and im gonna watch it ,i know it a bit old now ,but its like me ,it still got a little fun in it ..
this is quite a long thread now im proud of it ,i wonder what the longest one is ,do they go on for ever ,were is the internet ,oh no im gonna shut
up now ,,how long is the longest thread though really ???????,,,,ken