Depression Understood Forums

Now first must I say I'm not expecting anyone to read this, this are merely my current thoughts right at this moment, or are they? That's the point of this, and I would be very grateful if someone could help me with this enigma I've been stuck with since I was knee-high to a sandmouse.

I find it so hard to understand how I feel sometimes, I could be really happy or severely depressed and not be able to tell the difference, if you asked me how I was I couldn't honestly tell you. Now this is just an assumption but the way I learn to accept this is that perhaps due to all those times I have bottled up my emotions now I am even cutting myself off from these feelings, and I think it's important to at least know if I am in a positive or negative mood. I don't understand how my opinions and outlook on life can so vastly change in a matter of seconds, one tiny thing, and I get so worried about it, I stress over miniscule things for example today I needed a note to get out of school early and I didn't say please to my teacher by accident, and I am still shocked at myself that I didn't because I generally try to use my manners as much as possible. This is an utterly stupid thing I know, but I still feel wrong even thinking about it!

Another point I don't understand is my father, he left when I was three and I still don't know what to think about him, one second he is a great funny guy and the next a lying unreliable bastard. He wants custody over my younger brother and he wants to also move interstate to live with him. Now if you knew my dad you would know he isn't precisely 'father' material but I still don't know if a son should be able to make the correct decision or if his mother needs to take control, who knows?

So I suppose my main question is; How does one manage to understand their own feelings without feeling like a liar an hour or so later as I have found, because not only am I confusing myself I am loosing great respect for myself of which already lacks of, I hate liars.

Please help me, love always, soke xx

((((((((((((( soke )))))))))))))))))))))))

One thing I do, this helps me at least. When I am having strong and confusing thoughts, I will write them down. Get it out, calm down and go on.

When I start to doubt myself, I go back and read what I have written. It does help me to sort the confusion at times.

Just a thought coming your way. Keep posting, it does help, you can go back and read from here plus you get support from others.

Take care, please

Warmie

Thankyou very much ((((((warmsoul)))))) I'm no good at replying to things like this so here goes nothing!
I will definately try writing things down, but I still get angry at myself thinking how could I of thought that? It's not true, which gets me into a very critical mood which I'm not sure is accurate or not, and there it is again! Yes I think I will keep posting here and I have tried to give my support here but again I can never get the words down right. Now I'm just blabbering, thankyou very much I will keep trying to put my feelings into writing

(((((((( Soke )))))))))))

You did just fine with the words in your reply, but if you think it is blabbering that is all right too. Point is you got the words down.

We tend to be our own worst enemy, know I am. Please keep that in mind. When you write your thoughts maybe consider writing what got you to that point of thinking those particular thought or thoughts. Within that maybe you can see a pattern.

Me, when I get to the point I need to write, I try to include with the thoughts, if I was talking with someone, who said what, or where I was at, what I was doing. Anything, to see later, what triggered me at that point. It is amazing what you realize when you go back to read in an hour or a day or a week.

Works for me at those moments, hope you find some sort of help with it at as well.

(((((((((((( soke )))))))))))

Warmie