FEELING OF LOSS

[xn728]

Strange we had such a great rapour going ,,then one by one we were taken ,by the darkness that seeks to destroy us ,,all together but so far apart in our own painful worlds we must lead ,,little groups all freinds in the bigger scheme of things of course ,we are all freinds here no doubt ,,but you must see as i do ,we do have little groups ,,maybe people who joined at the same time ,or pherhaps have simaler expiriances ,,,and the group i find myself missing very much ,,taken as i say by the demon that rules our lives ,,but your very quiet non the less and im greiving for this loss ,,not your fault my absent freinds ,i have been taken many times
but this seems to be on mass ,,there are many new users here now people i dont know unable to greet them as i normally would because of my addiction i feel lost ,i dont know anyone anymore ,taken away by stelth you dark dark horrible creature ,,i dont seek sympathty here just saying how i feel things have worked out ,i miss my freinds im lost in a world once again i dont feel like i belong in ,ill always talk to my freinds here weather they can answer or not ,,im sad and i have no will to make new freinds anymore ,,to lose any one else would be a pain i cannot carry any more ,,i hope you can understand this im sorry but once again depression has taken something else from me ,,,and i didnt even see it coming ,,,,,,,,hugs my (((((freinds))))),,where ever you may be ,,,love kenxxxx

[shatteredhopes]

I, for one, am still here my brother! Just been as you know caught up in traumatic and bad memories, sorrow, madness...posting when I can to whom I can offer some support, but even if I don't respond, my brotherly love for you is still here my friend!

[crystalgaze]

I feel similarly Ken.... like I can't keep up with everyone & all the new users.....

I know how you feel.... I guess I feel a bit tired/drained/just barely hanging on at times.... That is it, honestly... I had not said it on here prior to now.... Maybe it's from this illness that my new GP might have finally uncovered....

The hyper phases are so high.... & it's not like happiness.... but just a feeling of not being able to come down.... I am not afraid... however, it seems at this rate that I may die soon...

I do wish I were here like I used to be.... Something within me does feel as though it is missing/broken.... I'm not sure what it is yet.... & then I think I sort of know....

It's a love issue.... I believe.... I've not been able to express it.... I do not even hug my parents often or tell them I love them.... Not because I don't but because the emotion is tough to express... It always feels as though it will overwhelm me....

I do value you Ken & all my friends here..... I hope my post in the Giving a friend a hug topic expresses it well....

Please take care & I do love you.... We are friends, always.....

[xn728]

maybe ive been a little to over the top with my hugs and ,,greetings and my ending with i love you lots etc ,,,a new user may have miss read these ,,comments i leave ..or the way i talk to people here ,,not there fault at all ,,maybe i am a bit forward in the way i express my feelings for everyone ,,i knew it would come back and bite me on the arse ,,i have to wonder now how many other people could take me for ,,we,ll a bit of a creep or pervert ,,easily done ,,,,just another blow ,,sorry ,just being me ,but i will withdraw to my dark hole ,and keep my mouth firmly shut ,,,ken

[xn728]

Things are just getting worse ,how many others have misunderstood me ,how many of you have stood by and watched me look like ,well i dont know what ,can no one see im just kind and careing ,,i could never be like that ,,you know ,,some sleazy old man ,,it took me so long to be able to show affection here ,,and one members comment has brought me so much doubt ,is it wrong to say lots of love ,,or hugs ,,,to ,,male or female ,,i give up ,,i am destroyed now ,,wasted my time here ,,built so many solid walls ,,and now they lay in ruins,,,,my mind is going into melt down ,,all i had is gone ,if i ever cross your mind again ,i will not be recongnised ,for i am changeing now ,morphing to something that you will not know ,let the winged beast come for me tonight ,because i fear that i am turning into the form of my dark sentinal ,and my mouth hides the tougue of the serpant ,so carry me away great beast ,into the darkness were all i have to fear is myself ,and away from those who dont understand me ,they can call me ,crazy ,,but im no creep xn728

[crystalgaze]

I am sorry that you were misunderstood....

I know how that is... It is the worst.... However, there are those of us who do, indeed, understand because you were there for us to catch our falls....

Please do take care.... Thinking of you.....

[xn728]

And what of my falls ,,,long silence then ,,,impact !
Words i cannot find ,,you dont know me anymore ,i have tryed so very hard ,,but now i have nothing to give ,,i feel empty and adrift ,and i hope
xn728 drowns in the tears of his own sadness,,,,

[crystalgaze]

In times of falls.... I cry (like today), then opt for self-preservation.

There is also a feeling of helplessness.... What more can I say? What can I do?

Until I think of an idea, I'm just going to say I'm thinking you & hoping we both feel better.

[xn728]

i have hoped all my life ,,and now it time to stop kidding myself ,,,,xn728

[lisalou]

although i find it increasingly hard to read or write much here these days, i always come back,and ken - you are one of the main people I always come back for, I know that you are kind and caring and you don't deserve to be caught up in the hell of depression

Lisa xxxxxx

[hollyann]

((((((((Ken))))))))))) It's alright to give hugs. Please don't stop being you. You are not a creep and yes it shows that you care. Some people may not be used to that kind of care though.So we respect those wishes as we don't know what they've gone through. But the ones that we know accept our hugs, our friendship we continue to give to. There is still hope for you. Always have hope.

Holly

[xn728]

Hollyann lisa,,i know what your saying ,,and its easy to be misunderstood
but sometimes when i see mySelf react,in certain ways to things that i clearly should know ,were just mistakes ,i can see there is something not right inside my head and im a upset to others around me , there are many kind people here who can fill the space i occupy. ill close my eyes a while and try to see were i lost my way on this road i walk ,,,,,,,xn728

[Mich]

No one can fill the space you occupy. The only thing I have ever thought of you as is a kind and caring human being. I am sorry you were misunderstood. I hope you find your way back to us. We will be here.

[xn728]

your freindship is very dear to me (((mich))),,and (((hollyann))) (((lisa)))as is everyone ,,but i feel like in the throws of a mental decline ,,,i had a breakdown last year ,,and i was like a vegatable for 6 mounths ,,being fed and looked after like a baby ,,i cant let that happen again i would rather die than see everyone suffer that again ,,,i have a mental health check next wensday ,over a week away i fear i will have lost my sanity by then ,,the serpents has coiled itself around my body and he grips so tight i struggle to breath ,,,you all take care now ,,everybody take care
hugs ((((everyone of my dear freinds )))),,,,love ken xn728 xx

[Mich]

I hope you check in today and let us know how you are doing. What can we do to help you prevent a breakdown? How can we hold you up? You have shared so much kindness and help with so many here...I urge you to hold on and stay present with us. Please try not to retreat completely into the darkness.