Depression Understood Forums

Childhood being the time in life to learn, I certainly learned very many things. Unfortunately, they were lessons in how to prevent as much pain from reaching me. Life was, and still is, a continuing repetition of where, why, and how I hurt. Looking at me and a crippled person, I'll be the happier one, in theory. That theory is one of many lessons I've learned. I haven't quit yet, despite how certain I am this condition is indefinite.

I'll just get better at having this be good enough. I've been wrong in the past about what I am capable of and the talents I can grow myself with. The most reliable things in my life are the work my Mom will invest in me, the likelihood I can't keep my promise to her, and in my lifetime there will not be a significantly successful treatment for me and all of you.

I write here because no where will these words help if shared with others. This is where I will be, as I'm talented at many things, but my mind's flaws keep me tied down. I've been open to many ideas and tried most of them with good enthusiasm. Each time I had hope. That hope always faded away in time. I have this inconstant pendulum that leaves me confident in only gravity.

I'm fragile, I'm sensitive, I'm still a question mark.

At the age of 23, I have accepted the fact that I will kill myself. This used to freak me out, but now I treat it like watching the sun go down. Even though nothing catastrophic has transpired lately, it is becoming easier to entertain this idea. When I finally go far enough away from my family and friends, I shall welcome death with open arms. This may seem depressing, but every dayphrazle is a struggle for me.

It's getting simpler to consider this possibility despite the lack of recent tragic events. When I am far enough away from my loved ones, I intend to gladly welcome death. only up

Childhood experiences can have an impact on a person's life, good things can motivate you, bad things can destroy you, no matter what, this is life. snaptik