Why do I want to disappear?

Feelings and emotions regarding depression, anxiety and other health issues.

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Joined: Thu Mar 12, 2020 12:01 am

Why do I want to disappear?

Postby splitsplatman07 » Thu Mar 12, 2020 12:16 am

Since my 5th grade year, a lot of stuff in my mind wasn't right and it was getting to me.
Later I figured out I had depression, and I was shocked and sad right away, I couldn't believe I had got what my mom had been struggling with for so long.
I wanted to die but I couldn't bring myself to, I'm scared of pain, remembering past experiences where my mental pain would get the best of me and I would have a stomach ache from a huge sitting of comfort eating.
I don't want to die anymore, just disappear. I want to tell my friends it will be all right and that I'll be back tomorrow and just leave. I wish so badly.
My friends want to die, they say they're mistakes, screw-ups, and many more. I just can't bring myself to let them go. I am too soft of a person to even consider it.
When I compliment my friends, they shoot them down and so do I.
It's led me to the point where I'm losing friends, the very thing I'm scared of.
My thoughts of suicide and or disappearing are growing quick. I just want to die without the struggle, guilt, or pain. And if my friends are concerned, I can tell them I'm okay. It's all I ever hope for. I hope you all can understand me. <3 you all!

Posts: 60
Joined: Sat Dec 28, 2013 10:58 pm

Re: Why do I want to disappear?

Postby heavyheart38 » Thu Mar 19, 2020 2:26 am

It troubles me to say this but these are my exact feelings, only thing is I'm 44, married and a Dad to 2 girls. Doesn't help with all this Covid19 hype and work slowing to a meaningless grind 10 hrs a day.

Posts: 11
Joined: Fri Mar 20, 2020 12:27 pm

Re: Why do I want to disappear?

Postby mousemeowkin » Fri Mar 20, 2020 8:43 pm

I'm sorry you feel that way. Indeed it must have been sad to know you have depression especially as you have first hand experience watching your mother struggle with it. It sounds like you really care about your friends. Hope you're doing all right.

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