Posted: Sat Jan 11, 2020 8:32 pm
I cut my hair two days ago. I disappeared into the bathroom with a pair of my sewing scissors and just cut it off in chunks. I look at myself in the mirror and I'm reminded of the unfortunate fact that I have a body. I was diagnosed with a mental illness this year after struggling with it for a few years before diagnosis, and although I've found support groups with people who are going through the same things, I want to say I feel worse than ever. I am trying to overcome childhood trauma, both violent/psychological and sexual. I'm struggling trying to remember all of the things I've blocked out. I'm not sure if I'm completely comfortable with my therapist, I might want to find someone younger. I feel a little bit judged by her, maybe because she's a little bit older. I don't know what to do. My antidepressants might be working. I just...don't really know where to go from here. I don't know if I can handle school right now. I have two years left. I know what my dream life is. To live in Portland, or somewhere rainy where I can live with someone I love and my cat. We can have a safe, loving home life. I could work in an ethical, local business and see my sister often. I'm just sad with my life the way that it is right now. I think I need to stop school and focus on where the path is taking me forward right now.