Extra down today

Feelings and emotions regarding depression, anxiety and other health issues.

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Mizjaded
Posts: 2
Joined: Mon Jan 06, 2020 9:20 am

Extra down today

Postby Mizjaded » Mon Jan 06, 2020 9:34 am

***Please excuse my English its not my 1st language


I'm feeling extra down today. The worst part is I dont even know why. Its frustrating. I wanted to think through it 1 by 1 on what caused feeling sad. and its either 1.) I cant think long enough to zero in on the root cause without feeling very tired and disoriented; 2.) if I get a possible idea of the reason, I would always think its too shallow of a reason for me * logically* to feel this heavy and it gets me frustrated because I know myself I am not a shallow person or emotional on little accounts but still theres no denying that Im feeling super low and down now.

When I drove this afternoon, all I can think of was driving directly into the back of a truck, or what would I look like if I drive right into a car.

I had to constantly, by the second, remind myself and be aware of reality and of my destination and errands/list to do.

Im crying right now. I dont know why. Im bawling-crying and I cant pinpoint why. I just feel so down and depressed. And Im tired feeling like this. Im tried trying to know why. Im tired of thinking why. Im tired feeling down and tired. Im too tired to sleep.

Ive asked my daughter to trade rooms for now. All i know is I need to lock myself in and alone so I wont hurt anybody or I wont get hurt.

I think I need this alone time from time. I used to have this all the time when I was in the big city. From Friday night after work to Monday afternoon when I go back to work. All locked in and not getting out of bed.

I know Im blessed with having family. and I can definitely feel the difference. The warmth of living with people with their own schedules and tasks and agendas. Its just sometimes, I need to recoup and reset. It gets too tiring to carry a conversation. Too tiring to be always "ON" and do the appropriate reactions. Dont get me wrong. I do care but its hard to project. I care about my daughter's whereabouts, my mom's stories. But I get drained being with people. Everyday, I AM drained. but still, I want to double my effort in showing I care , in showing that Im normal and because I want to. But there are days that I just simply can't, even how much I want to.

SadnessXoXo
Posts: 6
Joined: Sat Jan 25, 2020 10:04 am

Re: Extra down today

Postby SadnessXoXo » Sat Jan 25, 2020 4:44 pm

Hey, I hope you are feeling better. :)


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