Depression Understood Forums

It's my first time writing on the Internet about my problems and it's weird but to be honest I have to get it out some way or I might explode.
I have Depression for 3 years now and my Family knew that for some time I didn't feel good but that's it, they never knew how bad I really am. At some point I told them that I'm happy again and that they don't need to worry anymore and all but I feel like I'm gonna break down for real this time. The last Week has been such a horror. I wanted to stay in bed all day and not talk to anyone. I just wanted to put this gun to my head and pull the Trigger. My Life and School are getting too much latetly. On top of my Depression I have Social Anxiety and my friends always get annoyed at me for being so "shy", my parents divorced 7 years ago when I was 10 but they still don't stop fighting with each other (especially my mother), my Mind is killing me, giving me no breaks and I think for the first time in my 3 years of Depression I really think I need someone to talk to. I can't breathe anymore and just moving is overwhelming. I missed two weeks of School but now my father wants me to go to School again but I don't think I'm ready to go. I'm not ready to put my mask back on and pretend to be happy.

Aloha, I know it's hard to hear others say "I understand" but I do. I went and go through periods I don't want to get out of bed for weeks. I sleep for days. I went 3 months without leaving my house. So I DO understand. It's hard for others to feel what we are feeling and worse to support us. It's ok! Take a deep breath!!! You don't need their approval. First, are you getting any medical help? That's the most important step. I've Bipolar 1 Disorder and I can say first hand you gotta have a doc. This is a chemical brain thing and your not just sad. So make a psychiatrist appointment first. No shame! There's no need to tell anyone if you're not ready. Next, be patient with yourself. Be honest too! Are you drinking? Are you doing pills or drugs? They induce what's happening so that's not good. Go slow. Don't lie to your friends and family. Mine were HORRIBLE! I had to tell them this is MY health issue and I can't just shake my head and it's gone. I told them what I really needed was for them to stop pushing and just make sure I eat. That's how they could help. I made a promise with my son (who is my real champion) that I would NOT harm myself (because I was honest and told him I had contemplated it numerous times). Do you have one person you can talk to? Please remember that death is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Seek medical help first. Be open to meds and counseling. You WILL feel better one day. It may not be today, and you may not even realize it, but one day you will smile or laugh and realize you feel a little better. I am here for you anytime. I've walked the miles kiddo. Chin up!!