Depression Understood Forums

there is nothing. i have no one. getting better is this illusion promised to me, i am belittled for not realizing it, for not overcoming this, this ive always known. this that engulfs me day to day. this ive thrown all i have at. but im not trying enough. im bringing it all on myself. it isnt real. its all in my head. im "med-resistant" throw more pills at me. make me better by beating it into me with your words with your force. im crazy because i dont bend to their will. im dirt because i am me. ive been told i am loved, where were any of them in my darkest hours? ive been told i am amazing. what worthless sentiments from ghosts. i was not made for this world. the doctors cant figure me out, what hope is there? people say it gets better. im glad for those that found their way through. i wish a little pill could fix this. i wish talking about it could help. i wish thinking happy thoughts made the day brighter. there is nothing. i am nothing. i am drowning everyday. i wish this was a simple case of melancholy. nothing is real but the pain.

I *feel* you...As if you pulled those words right out of my head. I wish I could say more, but right now that is all I have. Just know that you're not alone. Hang in there...

It is possible for you to be you, Jen, and to be so without the amount of pain.

It's an unfortunate that many people believe that happiness is a birthright. The hard but honest truth is it is not a birthright. But it still can be had. With work. For me, I use a combination of mindfulness, meditation, meta-cognition (watch what I think - which, in a way, is a lot like "watching your mouth" for swearing!), talk therapy, and some medication.

Now, do I feel as if I folded to the accepted route? No way. These things bring me to a reasonable equilibrium where I can put my rudder into the water to effectively steer where I want to go. I'm an artist. But I do not believe in the idea of a suffering artist - which is not to say I don't experience suffering - I most certainly do! But it IS to say that I can look upon suffering as a transient condition. Don't cling to your suffering, even if it's comfortable; even if it's the "devil you know." Happiness is outside of those walls.

I hope you can get out of your suffering soon.

N